Riding a wave

Thank you @soul. I know that you have hugged me out of care and concern and I super appreciate that (plus the comic of the turtle saying it'll be there in an hour made me super giggle). However, I have a very complex relationship with touch and I am very selective in who I let touch me. Thus far, @Former-Member and @Former-Member are the only people in Forum Land who I feel safe enough with to want a hug from. I super know that you didn't know that and I don't want you to feel in any way bad about giving me such a super kind gesture. All is well.

Ps. I have now warriored and treed for today...and I still have my yoga class to go to tonight.

No offense taken @Phoenix_Rising. I hope you enjoy your class tonight. What type of yoga is it? I am trying out all sorts and it's a bit confusing. Even the same type comes across as something different when another instructor oversees the class.

@soul My class is titled "general yoga". I think it is Hatha yoga. I really should have been like you and tried out lots of different classes during my one-month trial, but I struggle so much with anything new, that it is all I can manage to go to the same class with the same instructor once a week. I prefer predictability over exploration.

I thought yoga was yoga was yoga @Phoenix_Rising. Scanning my brochure and Hatha yoga isn't mentioned. Lots of Vinyasa and Yin and even Yang to Yin (haven't tried that one yet) There's a Relax one on tomorrow that might be good.

They even have a special full moon one on later in the week. Wonder if they get you to howl?

I remember doing a Qi Gong class and we had to roar like a tiger.

Turtle turtle hug for you @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I am so glad you have Dr. Havetodo, I love the name-who thought of that?!!

Super big thank you @Former-Member. I thought of Dr Havetodo's name. Did you notice that @CheerBear made her with two big ears and no mouth. That's so she can listen super well and not say anything stupid.

The 7th of August is nearly over. Today is the twentieth anniversary of the day my father-figure took out the first (of two) restraining orders against me. The psychiatrists told him that if he did that, I would get over my "fixation" on him. Next month I will send him a Father's Day card...just as I have done every year for the past two decades (aside from when the restraining orders were in place).

The psychiatrists were wrong...but (E) believed them because they were the "experts." Now my entire attachment system is so scrambled, I'm not sure if it can ever be unmuddled - especially if I can't find someone to help me with the muddle.

My brain is so muddled and my heart is so broken, I'm really not sure if either can be healed now. (E) was the first person to take legal action against me to keep me away from them. Nine months ago someone threatened to do likewise...and there have been oh-so-many people in-between who have done the same. What is WRONG with me? Why is it that I can connect so well in the virtual world, and yet here in the real world no one can stand being close to me for too long? Why is it that all anyone wants from me is my absence from their life? Why is it that so many people over the years have got angry when I say "I love you" to them? Why is it that so many people over the years have told me that I make them feel icky when I hug them (which is why I don't do it any more - either in real life or in the virtual realm)? Why is it that Fred told me I don't know what it means to love? Why did he tell me that I am creepy and weird? Why did (S) tell me that I am a leech and a parasite? I do not understand...I simply do not understand. I don't mean to be bad - honest. I just don't understand.

@Former-Member are you the @Former-Member watching over the ocean tonight? It's stormy out here tonight. I just need to bunker down in my shell and ride the waves don't I. I'm tired. I miss my Father-figure. I miss everyone who was a part of that world. His daughter was my best friend. I miss her. I miss everything about that life which was so very very long ago.

Thank you for thinking I'm an ok human being @Former-Member, and thank you for watching over this stormy ocean. Night.

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

These significant dates are always such a challenge and bring back painful memories. I was sorry to read about the disconnection from your family and the relationship difficulties with others.

I guess bunkering down and riding it out is all you can do for the next few days. Do you see a counsellor or therapist that can help you to explore some of the questions you pose?

Take care & rest up.

Regards,

Frog

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@Faith-and-Hope wrote:
💕🐢💐

Thought you might need some turtle butt-flowers @Phoenix_Rising ......

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@Faith-and-Hope I'm working super hard at eating well at the moment and I've been eating a lot of cauliflower. Methinks I really need more variety in my diet.