Super big thank you for being nearby @Faith-and-Hope @Catcakes @Former-Member.
But this is the point @Faith-and-Hope!!!!! This is why Forum Land works so well for me, because it dampens some of...well...me. The objective reality is that people truly do like me until they get to know me, and then after they get to know me, they don't like me anymore. I make people get big feelings...but I don't know what it is about me that causes it. This has been the pattern across my entire life. People catch my big feelings and then leave, and I don't have the remotest idea what it is about me that makes them go. It happens over and over and over again. This is why I won't ever do the friend thing again. But it is looking increasingly like even the mental health professionals can't stand being around me long enough to help me unmuddle my muddle. I really trusted my turtle whisperer. I really really trusted her. I really thought she could help me unpack some of my muddle. But instead she got swamped with the big feelings and thus ended up telling me she couldn't cope with me. We had already planned to finish at the end of January. How can I be so hellish to be around, that she couldn't just support me until then while I (hopefully) transition to TTT. How can I have any sense of hope that TTT will stay more than five minutes, despite all the assurances she gave me on the phone the other day. How can I ever feel ok with anyone, and more importantly, how can I ever feel ok about being me!
