Riding a wave

It is time for this little turtle to start snuggling into her shell for the night. @Former-Member you are watching over the ocean tonight aren't you. I've got super big missing @Former-Member feelings because she hasn't been in Forum Land for ages. I really really really do not cope with change and people disappearing. I really super badly don't.

I am super glad it is the eve of the eve of meeting TTT eve, @CheerBear. I'm basically pinning all my hopes on her right now, which is super scary even though I have a really good feeling about her. Knowing my luck, she'll be awesome...and then she'll get run over by a bus or something. I feel scared!

Anyway, night @CheerBear and @Former-Member.

Night @Phoenix_Rising I have posted the Twelve Days To Christmas (version1 lol) so it will be waiting for you in the morning

It's only a couple of sleeps now @Phoenix_Rising. I can understand the scared feelings and really hope we can find a way of preventing buses of all kinds soon.

Hope you sleep well tonight.

Night 🙂

Yes I am @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I hope you sleep well despite the big feelings that you have at the moment. Take care and good night.

@NikNik @Former-Member @Former-Member are you around? I have giant giant giant giant waves of suicidal ideation and I super badly need someone to ride them out with me. My turtle whisperer is dumping me even earlier than she was planning to because she can't cope with the bigness of my muddle. Everyone goes away. Fred was right. He always told me I was too f*cked up for anyone else to treat and he was right!!!! I don't know what it is about me that makes everyone catch my big feelings. I don't know what it is about me that makes people like me until the get to know me and then once they get to know me, they don't like me anymore. I don't understand any of this. All I know is that right now I have no friends, no family, no job and absolutely no purpose to continue living. The waves are HUGE. Super big please can you ride them with me???

Hi @Phoenix_Rising - I know you didn't ask for me, but I saw this pop up right away. If you will have me there, I am riding the waves with you so you are not alone in the ocean.

I'm just transfering my floating bike to the ocean now, kay?

Yep. You'll ride the giant waves with me @Former-Member? They are giant giant giant giant GIANT. I have absolutely no reason to continue living. No family, no friends, no job, no reason to get up in the morning. If I walk into my garage and end my life right now, the first person to notice will be TTT when I don't appear on Thursday.

How can I feel even vaguely safe that TTT is going to work with me, when my turtle whisperer has reached a point where she can't cope with me after only a few months? What IS it about me @Former-Member that makes everyone go away??? What is it about me??? It is just over a year since therapist take seven told victims services that she couldn't keep working with me because I traumatized her. Two days before Christmas it will be one year since I received the letter from K's boss threatening legal action if I contacted K again. This year I've been dumped by the neurofeedback psych., and I've had the psychiatrist refuse to even meet me, declaring me "too complex." What the hell is WRONG with me @Former-Member??? How can I hold out any hope that TTT will last more than a few months working with me. What is WRONG with me.

@Former-Member I try so hard. I try so so SO hard. I follow all the rules...but it isn't what I DO that is the issue, it is who I fundamentally essentially AM. I hate me. I super super super want to die right now. I super badly do.

@Former-Member The waves are huge. They are super super super huge. There's no one. Scared!