Riding a wave

I super wish we could find the magic wand @Former-Member and @CheerBear. I am super struggling with my TW dumping me in February, and I am super struggling with staying on my pause button while my brain melts into nothingness. By the time NikNik gets home it will be three-and-a-half weeks since the Tsunami. That's a super long time for a brain to be left to melt.

Please excuse my wonkified-brain effort, @Phoenix_Rising … but I had to rewrite the lyrics:

I really matter
I’m a super turtle
A @CheerBear is caring
about me today

(Even if they’re wonky, I like them better than the others.)

You really do matter, @Phoenix_Rising. 🌷🐢

It's SO hard @CheerBear. You are partly correct in that when the big feelings are giant, I think more about Fred and how I should have stayed with him. However, the objective reality is that I truly WAS safer. Having the stability of knowing he had my back is definitely what kept me alive for well over a decade. If I was trying to do what I am now, back when I was in my early twenties, I simply would not have survived. However you look at it, Fred is the reason I'm not dead...and he is also the reason I am in the most terrible muddle at the age of 40. SUCH a muddle.

For what it is worth (which is probably nothing), I am super glad that you took yourself and your LF away from where you were.

Thank you @Former-Member.

That song has been the theme song of my life for more than twenty years now...and it isn't looking like it is going to be changing any time soon.

Only six sleeps until NikNik gets home. I so very VERY badly wish she was here. The whole muddle would have been sorted right away if NikNik was around.

@CheerBear I think I need to go and hide in my bed. There is something super scaring me on top of all my other scared and icky feelings.

There are some down the road between hither and yon,

That can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

Do you understand? The muddle has oh-so-many layers.