And so night has fallen and still the storm rages on and on. I am seeing A first thing in the morning and I anticipate that this will help. However, the bigger picture is that this entire storm has been because she thought it was a bright idea to send me that email on Friday. I feel really really unsafe with her...but I don't have the energy to keep therapist shopping to try for my eleventh therapist in 14 months and it seems better to have someone than to have no one. I feel no safer now than I did when I was with my abusive therapist of 16 years. Sure, A doesn't yell and swear at me or become physically aggressive during sessions...but she still seems to have a knack for causing immense pain through sheer incompetence. I definitely understand that it is incompetence rather than malice...but the intent doesn't really change the harm done does it. I feel utterly alone in my muddle. I know you guys are there...but it can never be truly the same as actually having someone HERE - someone who could help me find the right help, someone who could advocate for me when harm is done. Yep, right now I feel utterly utterly utterly alone.
@Former-Member are you around this evening? Can you please stay with me out here in this very dark and very tumultuous ocean? Thank you, and thank you also to all who I know will come by throughout the night. I super appreciate every one of you who chooses to ride the waves with me.
