Riding a wave

@Former-Member Thank you again for the ride back to the underwater cave last night. I'm super glad to see that your bookpod didn't suffer any storm damage. I got the sense that you were super scared in the storm. Scared feelings are icky.

I'm superly duperly glad that you are still sitting here with us in Forum Land. The muddle will get unmuddled. It is true that things are a bit tricky right now, but I know there are super clever and super safe people working on the muddle. And while they do, we just need to snuggle into the gigantic mountain of toys in the inner sanctum of the underwater cave.

@CheerBear I am really sorry to hear that you are dealing with the fallout of unhelpful helping people. I agree that it is a tricky balance between not wanting to discourage help-seeking, but at the same time validating the truth that a LOT of helping people are super unhelpful.

I have hopes that if I ever find TTT and can do at least a bit of brain fixing, then this will be testament to the fact that yes, there are a lot of unhelpful helping people out there, but there are also rare amazing helping people who truly can help - and the only way to find them is to keep searching. Even though my therapist shopping adventure has been like some cruel form of torture, maybe one day it will have value in encouraging others to keep on searching for that elusive helpful helping person.

As an aside (and I'm whispering here), there is movement towards me seeing TTT. My GP contacted the practice owner (who is different to the practice manager) and it has now been clarified that no, there won't be a charge for my turtle whisperer to speak to potential TTT. Goodness knows why the practice manager created so much grief by telling me this!!!!! However, I have now provided the required consent for my turtle whisperer and TTT to speak and thus this should happen super soon. If my turtle whisperer feels it is a good match, I will then speak with TTT. This is definitely a bright spot in my currently very dark world.

I'm so super glad that I can come with you to Big's extra special adventure. Well done Big for all your dedication and hardwork. I hope today is a super awesome day for you and that you make a wonderful memory of meeting your hero.

I will definitely be here even when I'm not today...and I plan to not be here a lot because I plan to slowly and mindfully work on things I need to do here in the real world.

You’re very welcome for the lift, @Phoenix_Rising. The book-pod is indestructible—it’s the scaredy cat inside that is all sorts of damaged. 😕

I had my own storm happening the other night. I’d spent the day pretending to be a-okay with people who have no understanding of what life is like for me and just want to know why I’m not working now that the uni semester is over (they can’t comprehend that I barely survived the semester, in a very literal sense). So I came home (2 hour drive), exhausted, and thought I’d sneak in and be amongst people who actually get it. The thing is, I don’t feel safe in Forum Land. I never have. So it was silly of me to think of it for even a second in terms of safety—silly of me to let my guard down. Things have happened in Forum Land—very much outside of Thursday night’s storm—that have made me question the safety of the space and its workings. (I am also unable to trust other people—especially ‘helping’ people—to help me with … well anything really, but particularly with feeling safe.) I don’t feel safe anywhere—that’s just the way it is. Being around people, whether online or in person, is really, REALLY hard. I just need to remember to brace myself before I put myself in potentially tricky situations. It was all my own fault. You’d think I’d have learnt after so many years. 😕

But I’m still here. 🐱

I hope the ocean stays (at least reasonably) calm for you over the weekend, @Phoenix_Rising. 🐢

P.S. I’m pleased to hear of small movements on the TTT front. 🌷

@Former-Member hiya in your indestructible book-pod

I read with genuine sadness that you do not feel safe anywhere @Former-Member - that is such a very, very tough place to be in

I especially feel sad that you do not feel safe in Forumland and I wish that we could make this a safe place for you to be. I super like having you around here - zooming around the ocean in your book pod

I am going to make that very special book and cushion corner over in TOR for you so hopefully there will be another place here that you can visit where you feel a little more comfortable.

I wish I could wave that elusive magic wand and hey presto @Former-Member now feels safe - but until we come across that wand I'll just keep fluttering around your book pod (annoying aren't I) to let you know that I super like you and love having you around

Well the book-pod was constructed by the finest engineer-creator in all the land. 😊 🦋

Thank you, @Zoe7. I appreciate your kindness more than I can say. It’s funny, I often talk about that elusive magic wand (even I could change the world with that wand) … but my years of searching for it have so far proved fruitless.

Can I ask a (slightly ridiculous) favour, please? Could I please have a super comfy perfect-for-reading-in armchair in the book corner in TOR? I’ve spent the last 4+ years with no couch or armchair in the really real world, so it would be super amazing to at least have a comfy chair in Forum Land. (My back would be especially grateful, and Edie-Cat wouldn't know herself in a proper armchair-based lap.) 🐱 Thank you for not only inviting me into TOR, but making me a special corner. 🌷

I really am glad you’re back. Yes, partly for selfish reasons, and because I see how much joy and comfort you bring to others, but mostly because I know if you’re here then you feel (at least on some level) able to be here—which has to be better than feeling unable to be here. (Most inarticulate sentence ever? ... my specialty.) Thank you for being you, @Zoe7. 🌷🦋

OMG @Former-Member it is like you are reading my mind - now that is a scary place to be lol

I have nearly finished your corner - and yes there is an arm chair and a few other 'surprises'. Should be done in the next half an hour..... until then you will just have to curb your excitement

....my mum just turned up so may be a little longer - not too long I hope ......

You're amazing, @Zoe7. Thank you. 😊 🦋