Locked out/in

Glad NDIS is helping @EternalFlower .

Sorry yes I must seem muddled re cats saga. I have no cats at present @PeppyPatti . I'd had a succession of cats over more than 30 years.

I'll probably go back to sleep, it's still dark here.

@Dimity hope ur doing ok. Ive slept a lot.today but force myself to walk a bit each day. Its gloomy here.

Thanks @EternalFlower just anxious as usual. I walk every day too. I just got back from a grocery shop.

Overcast here too but not cold.

@Dimity thats a good idea, you inspired me, i also don't have many groceries as I got out of hospital, admittedly 2 weeks ago but i've just gotten by with small shops and a few people brought me meals.
I don't have any vegetables 😞 hope you're doing okay these gloomy days!! it was cold and dark most of today

I'm a bit annoyed because my ndis team (support coordinator, and the manager of the company I use for coordination) told me not to bother to fight ndis to try get what i wanted. I campaigned by myself to get more therapy hours, more support work hours. They gave me nearly all I asked for. I wander if they just didn't care to advocate for me, or are lazy, that they tried to discourage me fighting. It upsets me.

My sister thinks I'm funny that I never stop. I don't give up and keep fighting each time the NDIS tries to limit my care. It's draining but its like a drive to not accept excuses

It's good you've had people looking out for you @EternalFlower . When I was discharged from hospital last year I got a taxi home and was on my own.

It's good you have the knowhow to advocate for yourself.

I've just been trying to pull together the information to do my tax. Very stressful, I might be fined for being overdue although I don't think I owe anything.

@Dimity i relate to that rough feeling
I took a charity service home from the hospital for Jewish ppl as I am Jewish. The woman had no idea about mental health and was fairly elderly so didn't help me much. I'm sorry you were alone.
Its a bit defeating in a way, to not have easy support. I got so much support on day 1 and then that was it. Most of the support was with food. It helps a lot and I say yes but I always feel a bit pathetic. It is hard to cook cming home. How are you doing atm?

@EternalFlower I'm sorry your supports petered out after the first day.

I really need help with my anxiety atm, whether symptomatic relief or tackling the sources. My psychologist seems to think EMDR for cptsd will help in the long run and give me a better headspace for solving ongoing problems. But it would be nice to have help. It was suggested to me a couple of times I apply for NDIS but I left it too late, and might not have qualified.

@Dimity the NDIS was nothing but trouble for me, I hate it.
For mental health its terrible, all they give is support work hours, and support workers generally have no interest in mental health. Very hard just my experience.

I would also like to do EMDR. The prices are quite high I think, and its good to find someone skilled as I think access points to become a EMDR practitioner are quite low.

I'm so sorry you don't have much support. That must be hard. I'm getting help in the public system at the moment, I tried differntly therapists privately and didn't get too far.


I have a private psychaitrist and he admits me to the hospital every 3 months, which is like a respite.

I'm just sharing a practitioner not for u to see him, but because he gives lots of interesting lectures on cptsd, in case of interest. Atm i watch a lot of videos on BPD, Trauma, Treatment Resistance, and Psychadelics!

https://www.drelikotler.com.au/

Yes the psychologist is expensive @EternalFlower .

I had a look at that website but might need to search youtube for his trauma videos.

I was in hospital most often in my 30s. When I relapsed last year it was my first admission in over 20 years. Do you find the hospital respite helps?

@Dimity i'm about that age, the end of my 30s. I don't find it helps at all, but the nurses say i'm doing much better. I got permission to go 4 times a year for these respites. I went because I couldn't get in to see a psychaitrist, and I found one who agreed to see me, not in his office, but during these admissions. He's a sweet man and I've seen him for 2 years for these admissions.

I don't really know what helps. The nurses seem to think I'm thriving. I feel I need therapy. It hasn't been so easy to access. I went from having no supports to having some, thank G-d, since January. Without oversharing, I was unable to get the help I needed due to public hospital biases against me, dismissing me as attention seeking, and not wanting to help.

With a blessing the hospital reconfigured and I got in, and since then am matched with a case manager, psychiatrist and since then I'm a bit better. But so much damage prior to that.

I was affiliated with Spectrum BPD services, even though I don't have BPD. So that was on my file. And then when anyone saw my file they saw "BPD" and decided that's what I had, and that I was lookig for attention, and they tried to send me away. It was humiliatng and horrible. I tried getting letters saying that wasn't my diagnosis, but it was like it just followed me around. Then I started acting up more in the ED, and then they withdrew all support entirely.

This led to rock bottom, but I'm still here. I got back in, and got everything I needed, but after a year of trauma. I'm sorry you also have cptsd. I'm sorry for what you have been through as well, and can relate to having no one consistently. I have one friend I share with the ins and outs (like I told you) of getting help, but I mostly feel its too complicated and confusing for ppl - they don't understand all these services, the different roles they play. For example that i go to hospital every 3 months. They probably think - why do u go back? Aren't u cured yet? So i mostly don't discuss it.

I go to a private hospital so its nice materially, we have nice spacious rooms and all these different classes to go to. I do lots of painting and art there, and bring it home. i am terrible at art, but i enjoy the break from head-stuff.