Constant flashbacks

Hi @AuntGlow it’s been a bit hectic on my end, I have uni assignments and think I’ve come down with a viral infection. I’m trying to pace myself. It’s been hard emotionally but my flashbacks aren’t as intense as they were before, but still getting them everyday. I’ve been trying to ground myself to the present moment and using sensory kind of stuff like being under the covers, sniffing perfume.

How have you been?

Hiya @creative_writer 😊

Yeah that hyper-independence trauma response can be really difficult, because it's reinforced by the social norms of coping alone being seen as a sign of strength... but usually, it takes a lot more strength to be vulnerable with someone else. And often coping alone just results in a lot of emotions being repressed instead of processed.

Yeah I think the preoccupied type tends to attract the avoidant type, and vice versa. It's called 'the dance' - that push pull of the avoidant stepping back and the preoccupied stepping forward to try to reach them, causing them to want to step even further back. Can definitely result in a lot of enmeshment.

I've mainly been cooking, making an Irish Guinness stew and filling up the house with tasty smells! That plus watching oodles of Drag Race haha. What have you been up to over this weekend? 💜

Yes, my dog's name is Ruby. Actually, she was bought for my niece for her anxiety, but I look after it most. I ended up going for a short walk with Ruby. I wanted to capture the remaining sublight when I went. It was a lovely day.

And yes, I reckon thought processes have their place, but when it becomes rumination, it's hard to break the cycle of it @creative_writer

Hope you are okay.

@Jynx my mum is definitely preoccupied anxiously attached to her family, it’s why I try to run. I think on some level my dad also gets uncomfortable. My mum was super stressed when my dad went overseas after my paternal grandma died. My mum was cleaning and arguing with my dad. I don’t think she wanted him to leave.

I’m learning to be okay opening myself up to people. I’ve always been the avoidant type, I had to learn to communicate my emotions and needs as I got older.

I hope the Irish Guinness turned out delicious. I haven’t been up to much today, mostly just uni. I think I got a viral and have been resting in between.

@tyme what kind of dog breed is Ruby. Sunlight later in the afternoon is lovely, I prefer going later in the day when the sun turns warm.

It is hard to break thought patterns even though they might provide some relief short term. It’s kind of like checking behaviours in a way, you have to keep checking in order to get relief but it just makes you anxious. I see my rumination as internal checking behaviour.

I’ve been unwell today, but getting through it. How has your day been?

@creative_writer always harder to learn these things when we're older, hey. Good on you for taking those brave steps towards being able to be more open with people 💜

It did turn out very good, the guinness gives the stew a very rich flavour!

Ach not the sickness, you poor thing!! Hope you're able to get some solid rest over the next few 🤞

@Jynx it is hard as an adult. I’ve had a lot of shit happen in my life so it takes me a while to feel safe. I also have to find people who hold my interest and want my friendships to feel balanced.

It’s always a relief when food is tasty💖, I’ve had times where I made food that tasted too bland. I have to balance easy to digest food but don’t want it too taste tasteless. I love adding herbs. I’ve had to learn to cook. Is there anything you love making?

I’m waiting for uni to approve an extension, it’s causing a lot of anxiety to wait. The assignment is overdue as it stands.

@creative_writer very much so, on both needing balance, and on having shared interests. I tend to look for people that I can get lost in conversation with.

For sure, bland food is always such a let down, especially if you cook in bulk!! Herbs are spices are everything.

Oh that's so nerve-wracking! Could you prod them with a follow up if you haven't heard back by tomorrow or something?

@Jynx I feel like sometimes there is pressure from society that you need to have a lot of people in your life, but that just drains my batteries.

Yes, herbs are everything and also provide medicinal properties. They say ginger is really good for migraines.

I’ll wait and see how it goes, uni is closed tomorrow.

I think I mentioned to you I had a recent slip with my meal plan. My dietician normalised it. I do think I need to work on self-blame and trauma in therapy. I wasn’t always this self-destructive, I was more leveled before it happened. I want to get back to a more leveled place

@creative_writer there's all sorts of pressures from society on how we're 'supposed' to live our lives hey. The ability to untangle ourselves from those pressures can be tough, but oh so freeing.

Ginger is also apparently good for nausea! Wonder-spice hehe.

I'm glad your dietitian is supportive and not judgemental. The shame often compounds our struggles with unhealthy coping hey.

Step by step eh? Hope you're chugging along okay tonight hun 💜

@Jynx people can have what I call “different social needs”. Too many friendship on the go leaves me exhausted, I also don’t find all relationships fulfilling. I only really have the energy to keep the fulfilling ones.

Ginger is definitely amazing for nausea which can present during migraines. I’m still headachy, but I reckon it’s the viral.

My dietician wanted me to have a realistic perspective on recovery, slips happen. A lot of people don’t realise eating disorders are difficult to let go of, especially if it’s been ingrained for a long time. People have been worried about me even before I got the diagnosis.

I’m just sort of trying to bounce back right now. I accidentally triggered myself yesterday when role playing a client. I accidentally placed part of my struggles into the client. I did realise it in the moment and felt sort of stupid. It is true I’ve had thoughts playing in my mind and it’s not always easy to not let own experiences seep through.

I hope today has been a kind day for you 💖