Constant flashbacks

@Jynx I definitely don’t have a secure attachment style, despite that I am still able to form friendships without feeling anxious. I do experience anxiety around people I don’t know well.

A walk during warmer weather sounds lovely. I went for a walk just before the sunset. We can enjoy the warmer weather while it lasts ☀️

Working through attachment trauma can be incredibly challenging, for sure @creative_writer - and only so far we can get trying to work through it on our own. Relational issues are often healed through relationship.

Yeah definitely the time to get some laundry done too haha 😋

@Jynx it is true attachment trauma is healed through relationships. Though I've realised just because I have insecure attachment style doesn't mean it will always present in every relationship, i.e., I'm not always going to feel anxious. I also wonder if social anxiety could be linked to attachment, I find it hard to feel comfortable around people I don't know well. I don't think my parents feel super comfortable around people they don't know well either. I probably would say my attachment style might be a bit more similar to my dad than mum. I feel like my dad has more of a mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies, while mum is more anxious than avoidant. I probably have the combined anxious avoidant type.

That reminds me that I need to get some laundry washed 🙂

Very true @creative_writer I think it depends on the attachment style of the other person and how they interplay. I think social anxiety would definitely be related to our attachment style, especially if abandonment trauma is also present.

Hope you've had a chill day 😊

@Jynx I think I’ve definitely have had some abandonment anxieties during some periods of my life, but I think I managed to move past it. I do feel like being left to my own device to manage emotions did have an impact on how I relate to others.

It’s a lot easier to let my guard down and feel safe once I’ve established trust. Maybe I’ve developed enough trust that I know they will be reliable to confide in.

I think that my parents also carry anxieties, especially mum. I do also believe there is some degree of anxiety in my dad. My dad is more of the independent type while mum is the opposite. My mum gets super stressed out during separation.

I hope you’ve had a chill day today 💖. Did you get up to much today?

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@creative_writer wrote:
@tyme sometimes it can be hard to find time to make food. I’m making progress in therapy according to my psych. I’m still been going through the grief process. How has your day been 😊?

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Making food it not my strength. It's not my interest to be honest. I'm glad to hear your psych says you are making progress. I can see that. You have a lot of insight and understanding. I think the hard part is finding ways to stop rumination. But that's all part of the recovery work.

Grief is certainly tough. Not easy at all. There's not timeline for it so you can't plan, "Oh, my grief will end in a week's time, then I can move on in life." It just doesn't work that way.

What have you been up from day to day these days? I haven't heard much about your days. Sorry for not asking and giving you space to talk about it (if you wanted to).

As for my week, it's been HECTIC!! But I feel really content and satisfied that I've accomplished things. So even if I lack sleep or I'm tired, I'm energised (if that makes sense).

What are you doing today? I'm going to go for a walk later. It's so sunny and nice out there today @creative_writer

@tyme I eat boring food, I doubt I’m much better at cooking 🤣.

OCD is one of those tricky things, rumination doesn’t fade away overnight. I reckon a big proportion of my rumination is OCD related. Sometimes cptsd thoughts turn into OCD.

I’ve found grief to be a process. The recent bereavement of my paternal grandma triggered the bereavement of my maternal grandma. I lost my maternal in September and paternal only recently. It feels like I’m processing both bereavements at once, I was in denial for the first one for months. I think the anger has subsided.

It’s been chaotic but I’m managing. I noticed the restlessness returning last night so I took a PRN before bed and again today, I’m feeling better. I wanted to get it under control before it triggered a massive migraine and before I went into suicidal mode. I also got decent sleep with the PRN. I never seem to get pure manic states anymore, it’s always mixed now. My pdoc gets worried about me when they happen because of risk. They’re a lot more risky than typical depression. I think I’ve levelled out now and I know what to do to manage escalations.

I’ve mostly been occupied with uni and had a lot of appointments this week. I need to get back to studying soon. I’ve been on a break since lunch.

I’m also thinking of going for a walk later today before sunset 🌅. Do you have a park that you go to when you walk? I just walk around my neighbourhood

After being on the forums for so many years, I've gathered that rumination comes with OCD. I don't know the science or the specifics, but it's a noticing I've had across the board. @creative_writer

As for walking, I have a park at the end of my court. It has a walking/bike track. So I walk with the dog and the kids ride their bikes. I go a few times then come home.

I just want to take advantage of the sunshine today!

@tyme it’s also a type of rumination that the person often doesn’t want to have but breaking free from loops is hard. Those loops can have a purpose, like I have to keep reassuring myself that I haven’t done anything wrong. It helps temporarily but then I’m back in the cycle again. Some people seek external reassurance, I seek more internal because it’s too hard to talk about. I also don’t like talking to people all the time.

We have walking tracks in my area too. I enjoy walking on slopes. I also see lots of kitties in my area, but most of them are really cautious.

Always good to enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. The dog’s name is Ruby? I’m not sure if I remember correctly

Hello @creative_writer 🥰

I know we haven't chatted for a little bit, so I was wondering how you are.

Would love to hear what's been going on and if anything has been helping you to feel safe and soothed?