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I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing. its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope. im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done. dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry. im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it. Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it. Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade. my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont. im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body. i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it. i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover. there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Its not passing very quickly @Dothemo
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
DothemoSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
@Former-Member I'm sorry to hear that, is it anxiety? Depersonalisation?
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
They are "just" feelings @Former-Member ..... by naming them as you have, you are validating that that is how you feel .... well done cos that's important ..... and now you are a bit stuck on the moving-beyond-the-feelings part.
Usually a feeling of fear is warning you about something. When we have had traumatic experiences, our body hits the panic button a bit like a malfunction ..... it's jumping to that trigger way too essily, and can start to respond inappropriately .... like feelings of happiness can cause a fear response, or tiredness can cause a fear response, etc ....,
It's up to your therapist to help you put everything back into its proper order once she is aware of what has caused that level of trauma in the first place, so she can "read" what is going on with your system.
Until then you need to work at this -
Is there something in your immediate surrounds that you need to be fearful of ? The answe is no .... which means it's a malfunction. Distractions and relaxation exercises help you to "park up" the malfunction to be dealt with at the deeper level. Just acknowledge that it's an unnecessary response, and then move it to one side and swim on past it. Easier said than done at times, but the others here who are experienced with what you are going through are helping you .... listen to them and breathe ......
Deep breaths are your first action to turn off the malfunctioning fear response.
💙💕
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
@Former-Member - I'm glad you have people here while these feelings run their course. I'm having a struggle day in a big way so I can't stay for long but I wanted to send you big hugs little bug 💕 Breathe, comfort and hold yourself however feels right, and wait. Feelings feel scary sometimes, but they're feelings. They can't hurt you, even if they like to make you think they can.
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Ita my depression kicking in. Im struggling with so many thoughts and feelings and ive sh and im struggling and im terrified of my feelings
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
DothemoSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
@Former-Member that sounds horrible, I know what you are going through. It will pass, you have my prayers.
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Im trying to park it up @Faith-and-Hope
Im just scared. These feeling are tearing me apart. Ita not normal. I dont feel normal
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
PepsimaxSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Thinking of you @Former-Member I I'm not much help today not feeling that well myself today
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
Get up and physically move @Former-Member cos burning up the adrenaline that this fear-feeling is producing will help it to pass more quickly, and it gives you another major distraction.
Can you go for a walk, even if it's pacing around the back yard, or even better doing lunges and squats cos that will just look like you are exercising to your sisters and anyone else around. Counting them will help too, and the exercise will cause you to breathe harder.
In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering
@Former-Member. Push through these thoughts. That's where you need to put all your energy into ignoring your negative self talk and refocusing on something else. Google relaxation meditation. Breathe along with the aps. Refocus along with the ap. You can do this.
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