Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Adge,@Spookytookims, @Former-Member @Former-Member

I agree that it can be very distressing when I post is removed. I had this happen last week when I went into too much detail about some of my bad experiences in public inpatient psych wards. Happily for me, it was the lovely @Former-Member who removed the post and she emailed me to explain why. I went into total meltdown over the email (even though Lunar probably couldn't have worded it any more kindly). Fortunately it happened during business hours so I impulsively picked up the phone, called the SANE helpline, and continued the meltdown with Luna sitting on the other end of the phone throughout it. After my big feelings settled, we were able to talk it through and all is well. So yep, I definitely get how horrible it can feel to have a post removed, but I also get why it is done. Based on my experience, I would encourage anyone who is distressed about the removal of a post, to pick up the phone and talk it through with someone from SANE.

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I did read your email about your trip into a public psyche hospital - I get it - I spent some time in a public psyche hospital myself a long time ago

I behaved very badly - and for years I felt ashamed about this - but I told a therapist a year or so back and she told me that if I needed to misbehave it was the best place to do it - I got so much out of my system

Anyway - it turns out that a lot of yelling was small potatoes in the bad-to-better behaviour continuum - and who did it hurt? No one. But all that yelling helped me to say how crappy my life was at the time and no matter how I tried it was all too hard and not at all my fault at the time.

Years passed and things change - as they must - but I still recall that time - people asked me why I stayed because I had gone there of my own accord - but I had left my husband and did not want to go back - and actually my marriage was over - and a few weeks apart then going back helped me to prepare to separate properly

We all have to be somewhere - and I understand what you wrote and I thought I would let you know that

Dec

Me too @Former-Member

What's happening for you so far - apart from all the shite - or including all the shite?

Dec

---

@Owlunar wrote:

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I behaved very badly - and for years I felt ashamed about this - but I told a therapist a year or so back and she told me that if I needed to misbehave it was the best place to do it - I got so much out of my system

---

Hi @Owlunar, Thank you for letting me know you read my post before it was removed and thank you also for sharing your experience. It sounds like your experience might be a bit different to mine - and that's ok .

I never "behaved very badly" in a psych ward. I was trying to cope with overwhelming emotions, and instead of being supported I was punished with seclusion etc. My behaviour wasn't "bad" it was a normal response to an abnormal situation. I am extremely grateful that I now have a support network (albeit tiny - consisting of my psychologist, my GP and the SANE forums) who understand that when I engage in behaviours that others find confronting and difficult to understand (e.g. yelling, verbally stimming, headbanging etc.), I am doing the very best that I can in that moment. I am not ashamed of any of my "behaviours" any more than I would be ashamed of screaming and causing a scene if my clothes accidently caught alight. That is my experience. As I said, it sounds like it is different to yours - and that's ok.

A leaky vein - aw - I don't think I can write anything clever about that - it is something you will find out when you visit your doctor this week - if it was something serious he would have fast-tracked everything - GPs see a lot of stuff specialists never see - but this is not good

Because I had a lot of old fashioned tests to find out why I could not have a baby I know that a full pelvic exam would be esp scary for you - but I am sure they will not do all of those things now - you can have an ultrasound which is must less invasive - in fact - not invasive at all

It's good you are having all this checked though - who knows what damage could have been caused when you were abused - I wish you the best with that - make sure I know when you are having that done

You have done your best to honour your Nan and now your Pop - nursing hospitals are tough places but usually the person who is the patient doesn't know where they are - I am sure my Dad didn't know - but that might have been due to his lack of vision and short term memory - he could still carry on a conversation

It's hard for you though - you have had to go through so much when you are so young

I care though - Dec