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Something’s not right

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2017, 8:45 pm AEDT

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

1972 replies

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In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2017, 5:32 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

thank you @Pepsimax

your a very good person too

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2017, 5:36 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

thank you @CheerBear for your help, i didnt even think of it it was like watching a movie- it was very strange and very depressing esp the bad parts and when my horse that i ahd for 8 years was taken from me without me even getting to say good bye and its like a tease now becasue im not allowed to see her yet shes pretty much 5 min away from my house but if i go on the property they will call the cops on me 😞

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

PepsimaxSenior Contributor08 Apr 2017, 5:47 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member you are a very goo person as @CheerBear said they are only memories do your grounding exercises look around see hear smell touch

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Apr 2017, 6:00 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

There's a lot of sadness and pain that comes with what you've gone through @Former-Member. Honor that pain, recognise it's there because you've lost things that were important to you and that mattered, but try not to let it consume you 💛

Hi there @Pepsimax. Hope your day has gone well 💕

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

PepsimaxSenior Contributor08 Apr 2017, 6:16 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member @CheerBear I had a good day went to coles this morning then had a sleep this afternoon well rested now had a huge week but really good have to do some tidying tomorrow and washing just house stuff I could put clean clothes away tonight got a basket full

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2017, 6:28 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

It wont stop 😞 im having so many flashbacks sooo many of them 😞 esp the SA it making me feel extremely sick and i cant stop tjw anxiety. Ive tried a few coping techniques @CheerBear @Pepsimax
@moderatori cant stop it. I dont know what to do! !

Oh @Pepsimax thats so great
Sounds like youvr accomplished so much

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2017, 6:28 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member above msg

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Apr 2017, 6:31 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Maybe have a look around you and describe what it is that you can see, hear etc. Write it here in as much detail as you can and see if that can bring you back if you'd like. It will pass but it's hard right now.

@Former-Member

@pepsi-max - sounds great. Well done on being so productive 💗

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2017, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

You dont mind @CheerBear?

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Apr 2017, 6:43 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

This is your place to do what you need to get through @Former-Member. If you think doing this will help then go for it. There's not much to lose by trying.

If i can reply I will, if you don't hear from me straight away it's probably because I'm busy. But with something like writing in detail what you see and hear around you, just the process of noticing those things might bring you back to now. Writing and sharing them might help even more.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.