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Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2017, 8:45 pm AEDT

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

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In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 6:30 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

SnowflakeSenior Contributor02 Apr 2017, 6:32 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Former-Member,

You sound like you have had an exhausting week, not only with the responsibility with the kids, and physically running around after everyone, however emotionally exhausting and draining, and not alot of breathing space to take care of yourself, as it sounds like you are trying to please everyone which is rarely possible, but I am surprised you talk about all the things not going right when it sounds that you are doing alot for your mum and the kids, which it sounds like you get very little thanks or acknowlegement for.

@Former-Member sounds like you have some really great ideas for trying to slow down the marathon of thoughts and create the mini breaks through different types of mindfullness, however I can understand @Former-Member even sometimes when we are feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted even this can feel like really hard work as well.

If you find you are still feeling really overwhelmed and needing to talk to someone please feel free to call support lines that are available 24 hours or feel free to email the moderators here at team@saneforums.org

Lifeline on 131 114 or the Suicide Call back line on 1300 659 467

I hope you can have some breathing space after dinner is finnished- take care- Snowflake

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 7:31 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I cant stop shaking. I cant get it to stop
@Faith-and-Hope @utopia

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Apr 2017, 7:40 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

If you're really angry and upset @Former-Member, adrenaline can do that for you .... best to pace around for a while to help burn up the excess energy.

Your sisters are old enough for you to take a time out in another room to listen to music for a while and have a cup of tea ....

These are mothers' coping techniques that we all have to practice, and if you are acting in a parenting role to your sisters, then you will need to develop a bank of time-out activities for yourself.

The moderators might be able to give you a list of services to call if you feel that your mother is landing you with child raising responsibilities beyond your coping ability, so that your welfare is seen to.

Take care @Former-Member .....

I am out heading out for a walk to lift my spirits this afternoon.

💙💕

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 8:25 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

how can i fix everything @Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@CheerBear@Mazarita

i feel like crap 😞

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

CheerBearSenior Contributor02 Apr 2017, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Little bug, I want to fix everything as well but I know I can't tonight so I'm hanging in there until there's a time when I can. Right now I'm pinning happy things on my board, I have my favourite blanket around me (it's fluffy and soft), and my cat is next to me letting me touch it. I plan to stay like this until it's time to sleep and then put some rubbish tv on netflix while I am in bed to keep my mind from wandering too far into places that aren't helpful. I have pencils ready to colour in if I can't sleep, and something warm and cosy to drink if get too worked up. The way I plan to fix everything is to do what I have to to get through until there's a time when things either pass or I am able to tackle them.

I'm thinking that sometimes that's all we can manage and that has to be enough.

Big big hugs @Former-Member. I hope you can find a way to feel more settled soon.

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 8:44 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

i know i cant fix everything tonight but its awakwardly distressing when i live with my mum and i have to communicate with her but shes ignoring me and doesnt repond to me

im so upset i dont even know what to do, my artwork isnt helping me, ive tried journaling three times today

i just feel like iv been slammed through the floor and i dont have enough strength to pull myslef back up

and do you know what made me feel worse and still is

is when mum got back she went to the shops and took my youngest sister to the shops but i didnt know and when she walked in with a heap of shopping i said if i had of know you were going to the shops i wouldve kept her here and gave her a shower etc but she threw the bags on the floor and walked off and then i said id give my sister a shower while mum was packing the shopping away and then she growled at me and said no ill do it and stormed off and did it so i put the rest of the shopping away

and i dont think ill ever get my friendships back to the way they were. ive ruined everything, its all my fault

i feel so sick i havent had an appetitie all day and i have aheadache and i really dont feel well at all

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 9:13 pm AEST