My silent battles

Similar to you, I don’t get the “sitting with you”.

know some people choose to say those words as way of expressing the concern. As it’s physically not possible, to me they are empty words, they mean nothing. @AlwaysMyself

my relative and I have always shared a special bonds from very early childhood. It’s a thing of a sibling the other never had. Hard to explain without knowing the way we both were raised.

learning to be open with people and who can honestly reach out to can be like sitting on a fence. So many positives if it’s something that can happened. Risk of hurt and becoming more self reliant/withdrawing when it’s not successful. I can emphasise with you.

Things turned out better than I had expected with my psych including psych sharing their view on psych/client relationship that isn’t working. Touched on items I have identified (something that never happened with previous psych) I want to talk about and unpack.
@AlwaysMyself

we talked about risk of power imbalance. Psych said they believe in, and try, to let the person (or child) decide the path to take. Similar with when starting the ‘counselling ‘ aspect including having the person set the pace, deciding limitations.

Trains can be run with track being in a loop. Is easier and reduces risk of damage to the motor if train runs in continuous loop @AlwaysMyself

due to designs I’ve drafted all track will need to be load at one time. Laying in smaller section first and extending at later date can be tricky, depending on track plan.

different websites are providing different information about length of time school reports from 1970’s are kept. Due to length of time since I left high school, the reports may have reached retention period. If so, makes the reason for hoping to get copy irrelevant.

easily distracted, doesn’t work well as part of a group, needing to fully focus. Things I remember were common thread on my reports (apart from very limited number of classes). I have mild dyslexia, one cousin in the next generation was diagnosed in early primary school with severe dyslexia. Both of us naturally ambidextrous.

Aspect of not sharing/people not knowing.

on one side, almost no one knows what life was like for me (hence the title of, what was, my thread ‘the me no one knows’). This includes cousins who are 6 to 9 years older than me. They don’t believe me when I’ve said little bits.

In early teen yrs I was told never to tell anyone what happened in my childhood home.

on other side, lots of people both on and off the forums don’t seem to want to know about things in people’s past. As someone else said at some stage, our MH is only a part of us.

It appears you prefer not to talk about the trauma aspect/s of your life. Only an observation, nothing else. Can be far from easy to talk about those aspects in one’s past. This is not want I’m referring to. It’s all the other things I’m referring to.

if and when I’m ready I will talk about lots of things, only if circumstances are right. Eg happy memories for me.

things about yourself Id like to know. If no response to something I say I drop the subject and don’t try again knowing there could be variety of reasons you prefer not to talk about things.

specific topic was model trains and that almost no one knows about mt interest in them as feels like people, in general, don’t want to know

@AlwaysMyself

Thanks for the ‘Thinking of You’. @tyme

Going to be busy weekend with online genealogy webinars I’m booked into on Sat, Sun and Mon. Tuesday morning I’m expected crew of 2 to install both roller blinds.

Wednesday afternoon appointment booked for electrician to install a double power point in alfresco area.

going to be a Thursday evening and few hrs of Mexican trains before I know it.
need to find some time to roughly draw up weekly event and task calendar following chat with psych couple days ago. Hoping this will help me stay on top of tasks for each day plus have time for me each day

Just finished reading @Flutterbug9 and will have to reply later as i've just been told we're leaving in a hour so i need to go get ready.

But very quick because they're "easy short answers"....

1. Always OK to ask me something again if i have not responded to a question/topic. It can be that i forgot to, or that i didnt see/realise the question (or that a response was implied lol).

2. I am cautious discussing my truama for 2 reasons - public forum (if someone wanted to try to ID me) and also "limited descriptions" rules. I often dont discuss my trauma because i dont think it impacts me day to day, so often if i bring it up its in response to relating an example to someone -- but that doesnt mean i am not open to talking about it. 😊. Its more about the *purpose* of my disclosing it to the person i'm talking with.

Re: trains and people "not wanting to know".

Will expand more later! But i also find it really hard with a few of my interests that are "special interests" too that arent widely shared common ones. I personally find it really hard to know how much is OK to talk about a specific topic with a friend without it overwhelming and/or boring them because its not a special-interest topic for them. Having said that, my close friends have always been happy for me to *briefly* talk about any of my special interests (even the weird ones) - but i need to be aware to limit the time on them and then actively switch back to asking about *their* interest areas and life. Or at least, i believe this is what i'm meant to do and seems to work well for longlasting friendships that "go both ways" lol. People who have no willingness to let me talk about my interest for even 5 minutes (literally 5min only!) and only every focus (for hours) on their interest topic - they stay as "acquaintence friends" at arms length and they are *exhausting* to be around.

Can unpack so much more! And writing this i am realising how much i have inadvertantly "studied" social interactions in order to modfiy my own behaviours 😆😅. This is the type of thing the psychologist commented on about why my autism hasnt been picked up but impacts my MH so much lol.

Didn’t intend my comment about your trauma to sound negative. Apologies if that happened. There are things I’ve survived that I chose not to mention when I shared a lot of info about my past.
1). It’s emotionally draining for me

2) not sure if other people want/need to know

3) restricted wording

I try never to ask questions in hope of getting someone to share personal and/or trauma things. I am here if/when people decide to volunteer to share things. I don’t judge or critise anyone for anything that’s happened in their past. My perspective is it was not my life or circumstances, I therefore have no right to make judgements on things people have survived

I know it’s not allowed plus would include personal comfort zone, some times I think if be able to somehow email certain things to certain people.

trains was an example of things. I try to do similar by keeping things I mention to limited amount at one time.

other things I feel people don’t want to know about related to positive memories of my early years eg receiving hand made toys

hoping you have a pleasant time out that doesnt leave you exhausted. I find if I overdo things that results in my draining my own energy levels, impact is decreases the enjoyment of the outing.

looking forward to reading about it, if is something you are able to and ok about sharing. All good if you can’t

@Flutterbug9, how are things? Sorry for the big absence and gap in our connection my friend 😊, I’m off for a rest now but wanted to stop by and let you know I’m thinking of ya, slowly catching up 🙏

Id love to hear how the activities are going, saw this and thought of you ☺️, I know Thursday nights are a goodie for you!! Wonder what you are up to today, movies maybe? 🤔☺️

I’ve decided to settle with activities on 3 days each week. Currently waiting to see what movie is being played on Sunday afternoon. Movie also going to depend on how I’m physically feeling @Chasingsunsets few days ago back pain started again and has gradually gotten worse each day. Pain not as bad today as yesterday, fair degree of pain today though

each Tuesday afternoon and Thursday night I play Mexican Trains domino game. About 3hrs of thursdays and up to 4hrs on Tuesday. Lot depends on confidence and knowledge of other players.

each Wednesday morning I plat croquet. Once a month on Wednesday afternoon I, currently, go to Trivia. Continuation of attending trivia is based on number of others who come along.

tuesday and Thursday last week I was the overall highest scorer ie I won Mexican Trains. Won’t get out this coming Tuesday due to team of 2 coming to my place to install motorised outdoor roller blinds. Appointment having been made for electrician to come and install double power point on ceiling of my alfresco area on Wednesday afternoon

during appointment with psychologist on Thursday morning I mentioned I have specific things I want to work on and need their help with. Next appointment in approx 2 weeks time psychologist has said we will start to pull apart each item, working out exactly what each one means to me, prioritise the goals and go from there.

more than 2yrs with previous psychologist and not once there being question what did I want to focus on. Main 2 focuses of current psychologist is helping people explore their experiences and helping people setting their goals.

Hey @Flutterbug9 ,

How'd you go this week with all your 'social' events?

Hope your back isn't too bad.

Reading back, I was really curious about those geneology webinars. What's that?