My silent battles

Psych mentioned she can’t formally assess me (which I already knew). Asked if I’m comfortable with and would like to discuss things in more depth with her and that she has various different things she is happy to share with me including coping mechanisms. I got the feeling her thoughts are I’m autistic.

I mentioned to my psychologist that I did the Autism Spectrum Quotient online test and told her my score. Psychologist mentioned it doesn’t surprise her based on the few things I mentioned today plus 2 weeks ago. The online test is a self assessment test, my score showing as well into range “indicating significant autism traits (Autism).

first Thursday night with wearing Loop experience (12 decibels noise reduction rating). Fun evening, feeling very tired and bit of a headache. Nowhere near anything I’ve felt the previous 4 weeks @Jynx

I have a massive issue in being able to separate and distinguish between is the memory actually mine, has the memory come from what I’ve seen in photos, is the memory from things I remember being told happened. I can’t tell them apart. I’m thinking, I if do have formal assessment at some stage, I can fall back on things I “remember” even if they are things my mum would have told me I did.

Hi @Flutterbug9, thanks for the tag, glad the ear phones have been good!!

oh billiards had started, how good! I thought the sound of the billiards might be a sound you could like as you like playing, nothing like a clean hit and bam straight into the socket 🤩

how did you get on with your psych? (No pressure in answering) you had just mentioned you were off to your appt soon 😊

Brief reply @AlwaysMyself as am feeling very tired. High stress levels most days this last week has resulted in me not getting much sleep most nights.

there are 2 rotes of cross stitch. One where the design is printed onto the Aida (fabric) when the kit is bought. Other the Aida has no e-sign on it and comes with full instructions. The second one is known as counted cross stitch. Person has to stick to the pattern (which come printed onto some type of paper), counting the number of stitches to work in colour xyz in the specific row. The first one, the person works over the pre printed design.

this explains it differently

Granny Smith Apples have a green skin, white flesh which is firm and tart in flavour. They are great for cooking with, using in apple pies.

I realise I missed some important words. The links you sent me are fine. Wording I missed was, “moving forward”.

if I asked for general update from you, would that help give you some type of question that you have mentioned you need? I want to know what’s happening with the trial, impact on you etc. quite often I don’t know what to ask.

I will read your post that you tagged me in when asap.

hoping you have a nice relaxing weekend and have time to yourself next week. Hoping whatever plans you have, are things of you choosing (as compared to things you have to do)

@Flutterbug9 even without formal assessment possibility it sounds like she is very keen to support you and help you navigate the process, which I'm very glad about 😊

Oh yay, yes Loops are amazing aren't they! I hope they continue to alleviate the 'crash' for you. My big issue is that I often forget mine 🫣😅

Interesting about memory hey! I mean it can be unreliable for most people, but I do wonder if there's differences for ND folks in how memories are stored/accessed. Like for instance, I sometimes need extra context before I'll remember an event from my own life, usually from something or someone outside of myself. For example, if someone comes up to me and says hi, but I have no idea who they are, I occasionally have to ask where we met/what we spoke about before I'll suddenly have the memory come rushing back. One of my friends said we met about five times before I actually started to remember who he was 😅

I’m fairly ok with remembering faces. Majority of the time I know I’m met the person, have no idea where or when. 😆

Learning and remembering names takes my ages.

Im more likely to remember names of pet animals as compared to people’s names. 😆

the best manager I had when I was employed used to say, “the brain is a very powerful, little computer of which medical specialists haven’t even started to scratch the surface of to understand”.

@AlwaysMyself craft items waiting to be finished, any advance on 9 1/2 yrs??
That’s about how long ago I started crocheting squares for a queen bed cover, idea of cover semi based on covers from hundreds of years plus years ago. If/when I get it finished, crotchet squares will cover most of the mattress with a deep, wide crotchet edge to drop down over sides and foot plus lay on top of pillows

@Flutterbug9 I struggle with names AND faces hahaha. Pets though? Yep same. Maybe it's cos their names are more unique? Or maybe cos they're so cute 😋

I love that - indeed we are complex creatures, and the more we uncover the more questions seem to pop up 😅

Hi @Blackcloud

quick update.

I had a good talk with my psychologist including outcome of online self assessments I have done.

from things my psychologist has said I got the strong impression she is neurodivergent and feels I am also.

I had started to make enquiries about formal assessments for Autism and ADHD, due to outcome of the self assessments, info from the psychologist plus the cost being thousands of dollars for the assessments, I’ve put those enquiries and thoughts on hold.

I have initial appointment with my psychiatrist in mid June. My psychologist has offered to write a letter to my psychiatrist on my behalf so I can help and support from them both.

The most challenging and upsetting sensitivity aspect for me is RSD @Jynx

any type of perceived rejection physically hurts so much.

can be anything from not being tagged into applicable posts/threads all the way to actually not being invited to things. My mind registers every one as a rejection and that I’m not wanted.

is part of the reason why I keep asking people on the forums to tag me into posts.

is also part of the reason I recently asked you and @AlwaysMyself on a different thread if I can be tagged in chats the 2 of you have regarding Autism and/or ADHD.

Ive got my settings that I get email notifications when I’m tagged in posts as trying to help with balancing forum time with everything else. No tag = no email = not knowing about posts/threads = impact of RSD

Hoping this makes sense.

hoping you are having a nice weekend and coming week @Jynx

Hi @Flutterbug9 thank you for the update! That’s great that you’re about to have an initial appointment with your psychiatrist - although 3 months time is quite a long time, but it’s great to hear that you’ll be getting supports from both the psychiatrist and psychologist.

how does it feel when knowing that your psychologist might be neurodivergent, or knowing that it’s possible that they are neurodivergent? 😊

It’s a nice feeling having a psychologist who actually understands, as compared to text book head knowledge only.

so many things are starting to make sense @Blackcloud .

things for decades that I’ve looked on as unique to me but never knowing why.

the previous appointment couple of things I mentioned to my psychologist involved not understanding why I struggle to stay on top of housework in few specific areas. In the most recent appointment I mentioned one of the things I “must do” to avoid inner conflict.

reply make perfect sense. One of my “must do” things, I hadn’t realised, even though is calming for me is also mentally exhausting.
I have a colour and order fixation which impacts on how my clothes are hung, linen is stored and laundry is done.

you are welcome to laugh. Due to only certain colours being able to be washed at one time, it takes about a week to get my laundry washed and dried. Atm I’ve got a large laundry basket on top of my dryer which contains 2 (maybe 3) sheet and doona sets from almost a year ago, still waiting to be folded and put away. 🤣

im wanting to type up a basic “activities and tasks weekly calendar” to help keep me on track with getting things done. Need my brain to stop getting lost in all the different things it feels need to be done (either that or I need lots of clones). 🤣