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Something’s not right

Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@kristin @PeppiPatty and whoever else is reading. Here is a littlle update on my situation.

I figured out as much trust as I try and instill in myself and my family still it can not change how my parents feel about each other and the past. But I have thought and realised I can get parents together and ask them about it.

Maybe I am throwing a grenade into a situation running away and coming back to see the damage but I thought seeing as they are so addiment about everything and they are so confident about how they feel and what I am going on about is complete rubbish I thought lets try not see if we can get them together to disscuss it.

So that is what I did I called mother and she said she is fine with meeting and talking about this so I think it will be good to see when we are all together what will happen.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

I think that's a pretty good start. Hope it works out well for you.

Cheers - Keith

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

hi @Troubled_One

hi @Keith..you cool motor helmet person :0)

Grenade......hmmmm.....
now I'm taking off my middle aged hat. And looking at it from a 31 year old perspective........hmmmm.
no matter what you say......please don't fall into vulnerable trap.
stay strong in what you say.

can you write it out first????

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One

Thinking about you.
Brave person.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Keith1292Thats what I thought as well! 🙂

Yes Anne thank you I have taken in to consideration how important it is and scary for anyone to understand this but yes I write things down and have good communication with my family first before I drop any bombs 😉

I am brave but also its all I have got to go off of. 😕

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Brave is good @Troubled_One
Something I never did was consider others feelings. I have screamed at and abused my Mum like you cannot believe. not considered her feelings.
You can consider your families feelings..........it was very bad what I did.
You can consider their hurt feelings and positive reactin will give you a. Positive responce and 'they may ever start treating each other more lovingly
It's ip to you

you have a lot of work to do

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thanks anne, I think so to. It is a lot of work but over the years I have been thinking about this and building to this day so the work is already done in a sense.

I spoke to parents today and we agreed we had not spoken as a family for what ever reason we had not and it is all our faults in a sense for no one doing anything but there are reasons.

It sounds perfect in a sense that it should work but I am sure there will be missunderstandings but to get each other to face each other was something that had never been done with the past.

So it did work out and thanks to anyone who helped. 🙂

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Troubled_One
how was your weekend?
How are you??

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi Anne, how was your w.e?

Mine was ok just getting through with my parents and family and sorting things out still, the past is a horrible thing sometimes. Parents think they loved and trusted each other and then it fell out but I think not and my parents believe this so these feelings and emotions are still out there.

Grrr.

Oh well I got my brother still there so I will talk to him tonight hopefully.

How have you been?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One
I'm okay. I'm going to this drop in centre in my city tomorrow concerning the person who's been harassing me..........gotta knock that one on the head, wrap it up so can focus on my art.

I sent a message to my oldest son that I'm thinking about him. So busy I am.
My friend called me at 10pm to tell me he's fallen love and that he hopes we can always be friends and I'm not allowed to stop seeing him because he's fallen in love. I tried not to giggle but I assured him that he's my friend and nothing will change that.

Just a suggestion ......
Could you begin forgiving your mum and dad for their short comings.........
This is your time with your brother. And both of you forgiving them may just........happen one day ?
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