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Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

yes well Sandy,
Went and got a restraining order on him yesterday. I took Arlo to the vet this morning and he
Gonna have a operation in two weeks but he's fine and it's only his ears......
there's a reason why he's picking his ears and licking his claws after........

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear @Troubled_One,

I feel that being positive with your brother is a good thing. You may have a lot more in common with him than you thought. Think of those famous tennis superstars, can't remember their names but one is called Venus....they are two American stars? they are always positive to each other.

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @PeppiPatty
Glad Arlo is going to be feeling sooo much better soon. Sad to read about your ex but glad that you are reinforcing your boundaries.
I know its a decision that you haven't made in haste and I hope the police don't muck about again if he breaches it.
It is one of those necessary things..keeping you safe from your ex has to be a priority!
I will pop round for a cuppa, might bring a Chai blend as it is meant to be low in caffeine..
Hugs to you Anne and a scratch and pat for Arlo..

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey yes you are right I have been talking to my brother on the phone and we are getting along great.

We are both generally agreeing on a lot of things.

I still have the same problems the depression and anxiety and no one else in my family seems to have this. My balance is affected and alot of things.

I think you are refering to Serena and Venus 😉

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear an Sandygirl......


I'm waiting for the chai latte and we had it an it was yummy (!)
thanks Sandy girl :0)
Watching my most favourite film ever...'the Sting.'
And 'the English Patient,' after.
thinking of the kindness of Sane forums. Everyone.

@Troubled_One.....no matter what :
you are more evolved than your Mum and Dad, that's just how the cookie crumbles......my sons are more evolved than me....
You are the most important one here : then your brother. Just because you had the guts to focus on your 'balance,' makes you the one in the family the most spiritually aware.
You are the one who had the guts to get yourself diagnosed. no one else did.
You are the one who rang your brother.
thanks for telling me Serena and Venus, I like watching them very much because they are both so supportive of each other when they play together. :0)

my friend who came over and watched TV with me.......well, he went to Psychiatric hospital a week or so ago.....I went over and dropped over packets of lollies for him and some iced coffee and asked him to call if he wants to see me.

IM shutting myself in but invited an old friend over for lunch on Easter Day. I hope he brings over a good DVD because I asked him to.
Arlo refuses to eat his food because I medication in his food and he has extra sensory focus on what he should eat. he tried to bite my hand off when tried to clean out his ears so I'm only cuddling him now.

hope all having fun on this beautiful Good Friday

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thanks for the understanding Anne

You are right, you really feel my situation and I am utmost greatful. My parents continually refute what I say and its like what I have to say is never good enough. But you are right I took it upon myself to step up.

I met a girl years back but have worked on myself since then and contacted this girl only recently on Facebook to ask to be friends. I have said I loved her and I know what real love feels like I know it is eternal and I feel this with this girl whether we get together ever I am not sure but I know how I feel and only the thought of her is what is keeping me going along with others help. But I know what my parents have and how they are treating me is not love, it is horrible and very ignorant but I continually cop this behaviour from them.

But I have put my foot down this time and I am not going anywhere I know how I feel what love is and its not what they are giving me.

I hope your easter is well too. Thanks dear.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

hi @Troubled_One,

It's not just me .....it's many people answering your messages but thanks. I feel very special.

My feeling is to give this lady time to consider you.
please don't block your parents out :

what interests me is that you are connecting the one you truly love.....your brother and you are also getting in touch with a lady who you have loved for years......
You didn't see your brother for years too.

I truly believe that your parents do love you but they are just did not spiritually advance themselves like you have and it's only because they have had a different life than you.
It's weird but........

You are on your own path but you need to take things slow because you have told all of us on Sane Forums that you are addressing your 'individual spirituality,' ( step out of the box) or your 'anxiety.'

Because you have just turned 31 years old, I have more faith in my son that he will also get on his own way like you.

can I be a little upfront?? It's easy to blame your parents. It's harder to brush all that angst aside and get on with your life.

your brother certainly doesn't need it.
@kristin talks about the joy of the river and nature when she writes. I find it very calm when I read her messages.
I blamed my Mum for just breathing for many years because she hopped on a plane and disappeared to Another country for 20 years when I needed her most.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @Troubled_One

Have you ever heard of HSP? (Highly sensitive person) I had worked this aspect out for myself from experience then cam e across this on the internet. It confirmed a great deal that I had been thinking. I have found it quite affirming to realise that I am a HSP, and that although there are some struggles with it over time the gifts emerge too.

Take care. I'm so pleased to hear you and your brother are getting along well and building on your relationship. Well done!

Hope for non-toxic relationships endures...

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One

I think @PeppiPatty makes a great point about you being more evolved than your parents. I look at my parents and at my kids and see the same progression. I am more evolved than my folks and my kids are more evolved than I am. It seems to me to be the natural order of things.

But, one of the great things about becoming more evolved, self aware, mindful, is that those around you will often start emulating you and therefor growing themselves. There's a really good chance that as your relationship with your brother grows and deepens, that your parents may well start to develop better ways of engaging with you both.

I've seen it happen many times when alcoholics or addicts find recovery. They start to grow as people and improve their relationships and so often, their families, even really dysfunctional ones, will start growing too.

It's an amazing thing to behold. 🙂

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey yeah I do not blame my parents and is hard not to but I do not when I mention my brother they both are very worried about his feelings. To me the family meeting was to get the emotional connection but the feelings in the family is what is confusing me

@kristin Yeah that sounds like me, I have always been very emotional and fragile, but with this trust I see my parents can be emotionally fragile not just me so I see what you are saying but I choose to believe also this is in every one.

@nigioc I appreciate you comment and it makes sense to me and is what I am exactly working on just trying to get things to work. I believe it can happen and I feel I have done all the right things just that alot of issues seem to drag over days and finally my parents answer me with the right response which suits them and never me and by that time the issue is irrelavant to emotion and feelings and I get these problems

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