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Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

That sounds very wise the way you have discussed your father .. he is just an old dude with heaps of problems .. poor bugger .. protect yourself from the problematic parts and get on for you ..

So @Troubled_One keep hope in a part of your being for the light just over the horizon .. the sun will come up when it is ready.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Appleblossom you are such a nicer person than me

,

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@PeppiPatty Hey Anne, how u going?

I like your advice on my brother it helps me to think of different ways to approach living with my father and family.

.. It seems the more I focus on just me and my father the worse things get the more I include my brother in my thoughts the less worse things get. It helps a little, it does not fix things but makes things settle down I think.

I noticed this today as my panic attacks and everything have been becoming more apparent so I am hoping this is the fix not focusing on me all the time.

@Appleblossom Hey appleblossum. Thanks for your kind words. I think you are right I have future plans and II can see things can get better.

I think taking what you and anne give to me may help me in finding some satisfaction with my situation.

Big hugs to all you

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

dear @@Troubled_One

Lee,

ive been reading the amazing work happening on @Jacques and @hiddenite on....cant leave the house for over 14 years. There os no way I am as gentle and compassionate those two are to each other. The past messages are about ghey both cannot deal with confrontation

was ot you that wwrote that you Father likes to fight in cOnversations ? Or was it your mother? Maybe @Appleblossom wrote something as well.......

i cant cope with negative confrontation. My Mum gives it to me but she also hates needing me so shes like....push/pull. Our relationship has gottan hugely better once i told her that her anger was affecting my daily mental wellbeing but i feel theres anpther rage coming me way and this time ille just say....'Stop ypur narcassistic rages to me!'

I couldnt have told her ....your affecting my daily mental wellbeing without the help of this forum. . .itmfeels like all this support is also letting things like repressed memory 9f my dad stealing my home feels safer too.

People ..unlike US .the stigmatised say.....move on Lee. Its all abput you having a good relationship with your parents. They cared for you and love you. Turn yourself inside out doing the right thing !

I say......stuff that' s the right thing. Yes, they love you....... ra de ra....... but focus on the brother! You are more evolved than your parents.

You and your brother have got parts of both of them imside you but your both individuals!l look at your own journey.

How does your brother relate to you?

I know you are more evolved than even me

By yourself where no one can see.....count how many people have you helped here online?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

dear @@Troubled_One

Lee,

ive been reading the amazing work happening on @Jacques and @hiddenite on....cant leave the house for over 14 years. There os no way I am as gentle and compassionate those two are to each other. The past messages are about ghey both cannot deal with confrontation

was ot you that wrote that you Father likes to fight in cOnversations ? Or was it your mother? Maybe @Appleblossom wrote something as well.......

i cant cope with negative confrontation. My Mum gives it to me but she also hates needing me so shes like....push/pull. Our relationship has gotten hugely better once i told her that her anger was affecting my daily mental wellbeing but i feel theres another rage coming my way and this time ille just say....'Stop your narcassistic rages to me!'

I couldnt have told her ....'your affecting my daily mental wellbeing,' without the help of this forum. . .it feels like all this support is also letting things like repressed memory of my dad stealing my home feels safer too.

People ..unlike US .the stigmatised say.....move on Lee. Its all abput you having a good relationship with your parents. They cared for you and love you. Turn yourself inside out doing the right thing !

I say......stuff that' s the right thing. Yes, they love you....... ra de ra....... but focus on the brother! You are more evolved than your parents.

You and your brother have got parts of both of them imside you but your both individuals!l look at your own journey.

How does your brother relate to you?

I know you are more evolved than even me

By yourself where no one can see.....count how many people have you helped here online?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

dear @@Troubled_One

lee,,

ive been reading the amazing work happening on @Jacques and @hiddenite on....cant leave the house for over 14 years. There is no way I am as gentle and compassionate those two are to each other. The past messages are about they both cannot deal with confrontation

was it you that wrote that you Father likes to fight in cOnversations ? Or was it your mother? Maybe @Appleblossom wrote something as well.......

i cant cope with negative confrontation. My Mum gives it to me but she also hates needing me so shes like....push/pull. Our relationship has gotten hugely better once i told her that her anger was affecting my daily mental wellbeing but i feel theres another rage coming my way and this time ille just say....'Stop your narcassistic rages to me!'

I couldnt have told her ....'your affecting my daily mental wellbeing,' without the help of this forum. . .it feels like all this support is also letting things like repressed memory of my dad stealing my home feels safer too.

People ..unlike US .the stigmatised say.....move on Lee. Its all abput you having a good relationship with your parents. They cared for you and love you. Turn yourself inside out doing the right thing !

I say......stuff that' s the right thing. Yes, they love you....... ra de ra....... but focus on the brother! You are more evolved than your parents.

You and your brother have got parts of both of them imside you but your both individuals!l look at your own journey.

How does your brother relate to you?

I know you are more evolved than even me

By yourself where no one can see.....count how many people have you helped here online?

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey Anne.

I really like your attitude towards me and my brother you really bring me back to life. You are right about my brother he knows whats going on this whole time he knew and was helping me through my problems when i finally realised some weeks ago that he had been helping me along to understand myself.
Yeah what my parents do is entirely up to them, i get by at my fathers what else can i do?
Yeah i think i wrote that my parents like to fight over thier kids without realising what they do. I think you brought attention to me that about them loving thier children.
@Appleblossom is a nice person she understands how i feel.

I think you are a verycompassionate person you really feel other peoples problems and it really helps them.

I hope you take some time for yourself.

P.s. Im on my mobile in a quiye spot. Peace to all :))

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey Anne.

I been trying the last weeks to solve all my problems like I can control them. Today I was wrong, got stuck in the city and had to get my mum to pick me up.

At the end of all the day, I thought of my brother, just reading this message to myself from you and realise what you have been saying to me.

Maybe I put to much pressure on myself, then I am in control when I do not need to rely on anyone else. But the walls have been slowly closing in on me. I realised today i have not talked to my brother and I need to talk to him, maybe that is someone that understands.

But yeah like when I think of him and me and getting along it relieves some of the pressure off me, but then also I feel a great sense of loss of control, like I am letting my life in to someone elses hands, I do not like that. I am not sure I have a choice 😞 I panic either way. I have been in a lot of panic lately.

My doctor said that I need a holiday or perhaps consider rehab to get myself some time to get myself together.

I dont know what to do or what will help me ATM.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thought I would write to my friends @PeppiPatty @Appleblossom and everyone else and see what input they could give me.

I have weekend leave to my dads been here since thursday, I noticed when I walked in with my stuff my father change his behaviour like he did not want to be himself, I could feel it.

I know I get told on these forums that I can always account for myself but if my dad wants me to talk back to him I need to know he does not have anything slippery up his sleeve to give me. This structured scripted things I am sick of, I know it is his problem but I am not sure I can cope around this blatant behaviour.

When he should laugh he doesnt, he always waits for me to feel horrible then he acts however he wants. I am sick of it.

Any advice?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear Lee,

@Troubled_One

I love how you are seeing that your brother is very clever on how he sees your family. I havent been a good friend to you because Ive had a lot of things on but think I've got to move on from my problems now.

Lee, you are a very sensetive and caring person. You show how caring you are because you focus on your relationship with your brother where a lot of people wouldnt understand and just...go with the flow......therefore nothing happens.

For instance, someone I went to high school with .....had a hard teenage life but now he is a father, he is not focusing on his own daughter's wayward ways and saying to me............she'll be right....... I was fine, therefore she will be too.........

But you are asking for feedback constantly and you actually listen. Please dont think that you are wrong on your father I'm just asking you to ...........focus on putting each foot in front of the other and when the time is right......when you feel strong enough........are you able to write him a note or say to him......

I'm feeling insecure talking to you because I think your speaking from a script.....or maybe....

I dont want to talk to you because Im thinking your making me feel horrible about myself.

Can you do this? Can you respond by thinking of another way of saying something to him??

You are a lovely lovely man. I am so glas that you write here,

Anne

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