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Something’s not right

Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey guys @PeppiPatty @Appleblossom

I like the last two messages

Give me a day or two to reply to those thnx lee.

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Sorry Lee, darling @Appleblossom,

I am going through therapy.......i really need to focus on a problem and i might not be here for a few days, like i dont want to stop, i think im grieving so

Lee, we have been here before @Troubled_One but when i started frea,ing out...my memories, i will always remember your messages of comfort........

i might go back and reread all your story Lee. You too @@Appleblossom, i feel like i need to take care of myself for a few days. Ille write when i see my Psychotherapist again,

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

hi Lee, 😀☺@Troubled_One

Hi @Appleblossom 🐐🐈🐢🐦🐣🐤

Today, i saw my Psychotherapist and she suggested i go on more meds for a month. I was telling her my dreams and panic attacks........i dont think ive ever had dreams of bad things that have happened in the past.

We spoke of what it was like having a schizoid. . ....narcasisstic father and pathological narcassistic mother......ille need to look all that up. I know what it all means but will have to look it all up again. Ive written a letter to me Mum and recorded all about my step dad but she says, this is all journal writing. My Mum wouldnt care about him diddling my house out of me and he would have forgotten.

'I've known her, my Psychotherapist, since 2003 April, ive been seeing her since then. She says what Ive recorded is correct.Now im desperate to keep on seeing her though the money is tough its so so worth it.

I also believe and often say to others..okay...your memories are valid......but you can keep on talking about them until the cows come home.......but how are you going to turn them into a creatove piece of art?

This is what i need to do.

What have i acheieved in life?

Thanks for reading you two,

Xx

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey anne and @Appleblossom sorry i have been away for a few days ive been confused again.

@PeppiPatty yes Anne I have a psychologist and psychiatrist, both very good doctors I am lucky 🙂

My mind is kinda off my parents I have realised that thier behaviour is irrespective of mine and I can only control me, so it seems and I can only get along with them as best I can.

I wish it were another way but it seems this whole thread may have been based on my lack of respect and everything towards my family from the past.

@Appleblossom yes it seems this way that they just act like nothing happened and take the easy way out.

I am trying to change my thinking so I dont think like this although it is hard when in 'the family' things were never right... and just to believe that that is the way it was is hard to stomach.

Sorry I did not know you had a thread I have been to consumed by this problem.

I read your message and it seems relavent to how I am feeling right now.

I guess I have just not expressed my self the right way because I have been so consumed by the past and negative thinking about everything, but I am still unsure as to why I feel so bad and why I still view things in a negative way.

😕

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear @Troubled_One

I am glad to hear you have support from both type of psychs. They approach life and sickness differently and are both valuable.Your journey is how YOU mediate the life that is possible for you. Nobody can take that from you.

It makes a lot of sense that your thinking is negative if your parents were unhappy and negative and failed to give you positive experiences and self concept.

They key point is that we are more than our story and our experiences and in that is our window of opportunity to create a life for ourselves. I dont believe we have as much choice in likfe as some punters push but we do have little bit.

I really do not believe there is a right way to express oneself .. so dont apologise for it .. you may change a little or a lot as you try different things .. it is ok for it is all a learning experience.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @Appleblossom thanks for that message. After I posted my message I realised some things, that I have worked on and give me as much comfort as I can get.

About Expressing myself its just what I feel and how I have been over the last few months and my 'life' but yeah my thinking has troubled me but I think I am on top of it as much as I can be.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Troubled_One

You are a clever man 🐺🐔🐓🐃🐂🐤🐢🐦🐩🐏🐰🐈🐱

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

I still struggle with thoughts I do not like but they come from within me. I see them and name them as my anger, but dont give them much opportunity to take me over a sI have too much to do.

I have used physical activity, either, walking, gym, or menial work eg garden to shift persistent negative thoughts.

Mostly if I look back on my life I can see that I have been fairly productive. I wish I had a happy family, but like you @Troubled_One I can console myself with what I have achieved.

Keep taking next step, doing next thing. You are on the right track

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey guys, @PeppiPatty I really think we are all clever for helping each other.

For me still I just cant seem to get my father and I working. The more I try make it work or be around him it seems the worse I feel.

I am starting to realise that he is just someone I can not be around for me to feel good but I live with him and I know to much of what he does to not let it affect me.

@Appleblossom I try use physical activity as a way out but my knee is smashed from a car accident and I can not walk properly, but interestingly enough it is what my parents never let me do when I was younger and now I still can not. Beyond frusterating.

I am just going to try and keep away from my father and keep myself as well as possible, he just is a uncomfortable person and basically you can not be around because his behavioral problems are as bad as they can get.

I am not sure what else I can do I struggle like you appleblossum to gain any positive things in my life and in the situation I am in I do not see any on the horison 😞

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear @Appleblossom

@Troubled_One

@NikNik @Mazarita, @Former-Member

everyone else like @WombatBoots

How are you all this morning?

Matt,

How is your decision being a support worker going? I love being a support worker. I dont work very much anymore but it has given me some really good tips for my own life.

@Troubled_One

I lEarnt something last night and I thought of you. That is, just focus on how you stand.on how You are. It was in a sermon in a church. You will probably not get understanding of your father because it is how it is. Your job is to........focus on your development of having a friendship with your brother,, .......

He ssounds good and you are clever because you take onboard what others are suggesting plus you help others. Isnt @Appleblossom clever?

I went to a lovely church service last night, it was directed towards homeless people. I went as I am also stigmatised and I dislike going to cnurch services which dont identify with all walks of life.

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