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Something’s not right

Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@NikNik ok yeah, i should of thought so, that i stick to my guns. i am doing this its just that i am absent with my brother because he is so busy he reackons and never msgs me or talks to me.

and as far i am concerned i will leave that for a later date. i can not express what i am doing if i do not know what i am doing.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Troubled_One,

It sounds like these thoughts may be giving you no peace and I'm sorry you're going through that. I think some of the others are perhaps trying to suggest that you think or do other things if you can. It might be that thinking so hard about what's going on is not really helping anything. Sometimes slowing down is the only way to go. Hope this makes some sense. Wishing you well.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Mazarita got a good reasonable comments there Lee.

Its all about you developing a relationship with your brother. Its very hard for him.........

Its been 10 years.

You can do this. You can have a good relationship with your brother.....

Just if you decide to be patient...dont let anyone walk over you. Like .....miss appiontments, or lie or disrespect you.

A long time ago my little brother was 13 years old and went to live in America but after life and things happening, he decided to come back and live in Western Australia. It took us years and years to redevelop our relationship, actually.....I'm the only member in the family he speaks to.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Mazarita yeah i do try. its hard when all you see, all you understand is negative. neither of your parents agree with you and all you are left is a brother who has never been there with you from the start.

@PeppiPatty yeah anne, i am hearing you. its just what can i do when all i know is we have had a bad relationship and still he does not want to talk to me. or all i know is he is to busy and my whole life i have waited to be this person but it coudl not happen. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

So anne @PeppiPatty , i have been looking back on the messgaes you have sent me and at some stage you started mentioning my brother and the relationship there and how i could mend that. talking about ways of contacting him and what to say to him, about our past and the feelings there.

I am not sure but for some reason that skpped over my head. i am reading now and perhaps we both had our own problems there at some stage we needed to take care of before i could get to here?

Anyway. i am seeing now that it is between my brother and i. i feel i need to send him another email talking about how i feel and the relationship we had and the relationship we could have now.

i think that is the part that has been missed. i have been talking to my parents and getting that part sorted out so i think i skipped over the communication my brother and i have, and all he is hearing is negative things about him and my parents. i think i need to write him a email or msg about this explaining that this is what is getting in the way of us getting along. maybe then he will want to talk to me?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear Lee,

@Troubled_One

Thank you for your message. An important message i think you could re read, if you want ..is @NikNik last couple of messages.

Lee, i think your doing well. If you want to send him a message, send him a joke. Remember he works and may be wanting to 'lighten' the mood.

Dont forget to call Lifeline, if your anxious.

You are important.

Also Lee, if you want to do something, you could write what you have done..dont write who suggested it or write it in pencil if its important....

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

So Anne i value what you say. it sounds good. like i should take that advice. i am struggling with no communication from my brother, so is my family to. they all think that everything is working but for me i have not spoken to my brother on correct terms. it is hurting me because all i want to do is communicate to him, let him know what i thiink.

i understand that i should keep things light hearted and not try make such a big deal about things. well that is what i am trying to do.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thank you for your message Lee.

It was nice reading your Mum and Dad want to hear from him as well.

Maybe your Mum can ask him if he wanted to watch sport and have lunch one day?

Or could you all go to the movies for a Sunday Funday ? My kids when they turned adults would go to the movies together with me.

Write to him you miss his face and how about a joke hour with your Dad might lighten the mode?

What are you doing tomorrow Lee?

I wont be on Sane forums for a little while, im helping a family out with their teenagers education and getting them into TAFE for next year.

Thanks Lee hope you have good ideas on jokes hey ? 😊

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

So anne, today i am not doing much. i am thinking after your message that i will get in contact with my mother and get her to send a message to my brother saying, i would love to speak to him. And my father as well. I see what you mean by, lets do something together, it sounds like a good idea. The only problem is if I ask my mother to do something with the family she will probably knows my brother is too busy and will say no. I want that as well, maybe you see my trepidation now? I will try and do this anyway, you scratch by back i'll scratch yours. Is that a joke? Oh well as good as I can do.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Anne @PeppiPatty i think i got it from here. thanks for your help it has been a bit of a mission. I am hoping i helped you also. Things are not over yet, my brother is still saying he is busy but said to my mother today that he would email me tonight.

I really want to talk to him, I feel like there is never a right moment from my side or his. He is going to email me, I am sure that will tell some tasty results.

Thanks again.

Lee.

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