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Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@PeppiPatty anne i could not agree more. its just the inbetween time is killing me. i am hoping a call in regards to the email will fix this but in the mean time my mind is a salad bowl.

what we can do. i dunno, he lives 2 hours from me and my knee is shot. i am hpoing the call is enough?

i think the important thing to remember here is, my brother is not just not used to me, but no used to my father and this is the premise i am trying to bring him in on. he is fine with my mother, but my father is the big catch. i live with my faather i see it all, i am just hoping he sees it to.

@Appleblossom perfect to me is never perfect, things are always changing the the strive for perfection can be there. but not there so bad that you can not live. have things set the right way, then you can do what you want is what i mean.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Troubled_One

Yes a lot is in the striving. Go gently.

To all I have read and interacted with on line:

I am going to take some time away from the forums soon as I have to catch up on my work. But I will be back.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thanks @Appleblossom its nice to know someone understands. i am hoping to i can rest and give myself some me time once this is resolved. i wish i could earlier but i do not see a way of doing this?

perhaps @PeppiPatty can guide me in a way to do this?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Dear Lee.... @Troubled_One,

Ille do what i can but remember @Appleblossom and @Djneeshaand others are really clever also oderators like @NikNik and @CherryBomb

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@PeppiPatty anne you have been such a driving force for me, i do not wish to bombard you with things you can not help with. thanks for mentioning the other guys.

yeah @Djneesha and @NikNik and @CherryBomb are good also to help me.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One

So great to hear from you. It seems like a lot has been happening lately - and heaps that I have missed!

May I ask, what is your overall goal/aim with this situation?

Sometimes, for me personally, I get lost in the detail and the little things, that I lose sight of what outcome I'm wanting (which often takes me off track)

Nik

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@PeppiPatty i sent my brother another email just basically explaining that i did not organise things the right way in the first place and if we could talk about that. just something to not overwhelm him since my first big email i sent him.

@NikNik well, my overall goal is to get my brother to understand that my father is there for him. yeah haha, i have been lost as well and your question made me realise what i want exactly. maybe you helped me see that.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@NikNik the only problem i am having is how do i get through until i talk to my brother?

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

This is certainly a @NikNik question. 😀

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One

I actually haven't changed my thoughts on what I've offered previously... You can only control, what you can control - which is your own individual relationship with each member of your family.

In regards to what you can do while you wait to hear from your brother, I'd be interested to know what else you do with yourself - your interests etc...

You have been a part of the community for a while now, but we don't know much about you outside of your family situation.

Nik

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