FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

151 - 160 of 336
1...151617...34

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @Baboo thanks for coming in here.

I thought that my parents never really talked to me as a child and still until now and thought that saying we trust each other would be a good way of expressing this and holding that together.

I also thought of my brother and that as kids that never happened to him as well. I rang him and he said that would be good and he wanted that also, but the day I wanted it to happen and the day I felt was right for how my parents treat me was not what suited my brother.

I did not consider that my mother would change her behaviour after organising this, I live with my father and noticed straight after we organised this that he changed his behaviour, but thought my mother was doing everything and waited through hell to get this to work.

Now I look back on it I realised if I was living with my mother and knew she would change her behaviour towards me I would have not waited all this time to figure out that she changed.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Wow, thats very good of you to try and pull the family together and get communications going again. Good on you for giving it a go and being honest.

Even if you dont get the results you want- you will know in your heart that you tried- and you had the best intentions doing so.

Best of luck i say. I will keep your story in mind next time i have difficulties with my own family 🙂

Baboo

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey, thanks.

I figure out the problem I have been having from your post.

I realised my mother treats my brother positively and me negatively, and my father treats me positively and my brother negatively, somewhere in the middle is where we need to meet.

Thanks for the help @Baboo

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

So I spoke to my mother today about this and she attacked me again saying I was wrong and did not even listen to me. This is when all the problems start depression, anxiety, stress, panic.

I just do not know how to fix this.

Maybe I need to understand what @kristin @Alessandra1992 @PeppiPatty are saying but still I do not think it will fix.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

@Troubled_One,

Maybe this is some thing that will never be fixed? Or never be the way you would want it to be.

I cant relate exactly to your situation, but i can with the frustration side.

I had a family member whom was very unwell for a long time that i tried to help, i mentioned it, i pleased with them, i yelled on another occasion, i set up doctors and support- offered to pay for every thing. And they refused my help completely.

6 months later when i asked some one else to suggest that this family member was needing help- they fully agreed with the other person, and not me lol and now their on their recovery road...with out me. But its soooo frustrating, i am very glad they will be healthier now thou.

Family ey.

Baboo

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @Baboo

Yes this is super frusterating, I am working with my psychologist on this.

I can understand your frusteration and how you tried to get the person better. For me I am the one who is unwell but is doing everything to try and get it to work but my family shut me out.

I just feel my family act like they are doing everything so if they are why not say we talk about it. I am open offering suggestions and my family shut me out. Mainly my mother who devotes all her feelings to my brother and then looks at me. My father goes along with this because it does not affect him.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

For anyone reading this thread, I said I trusted my psychologist to him as well last time I saw him and I am seeing him tomorrow.

Hopefully he can act as a niesh to help restore the problems that have happened.

In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Good luck with your appointment!!

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

So, I talked to my psychologist about things. He is thinking things may take a while, for me that is not something I can wait on, I can but these horrible feelings are not right and I can not see how I am going to get through.

I really think he can solve what I have been trying to do its just that the time in between that I spend with my father and talking to my mother does not seem it is going to work out.

I know @NikNik mentioned lifeline I am keeping them in mind, but what to do through these horrible times.

I feel like there is nothing I can do around my father to make him happy. Anything I do I feel like a caged animal, and my mother doesn't agree with that.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

I thought I would mention that in sight of all of this there is some key details I have not mentioned.

I asked my mother and father about how they felt about my brothers feelings coming in to the family, this was before I contacted my brother in the last 10 years.

My mother said are you sure this is going to work and my father said he would shut up.

I thought I could solve it by calling my brother and speaking to him directly and getting him to come down to talk about things in the family. I thought that it would all work out but I still feel it is not and because of the reasons I just said.

Any help @PeppiPatty@Alessandra1992@kristin would be greatly appreciated, I know how much you have all put in for me already.

151 - 160 of 336
1...151617...34