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Something’s not right

Being misstreated

Being misstreated

This is my little rant in this forum.

I am going on 31 and have a brother about 1 year younger than me. Throughout my whole life in our family there was not much love and communication. My brother and I did get along but the majority of the time he and I would not get along and often my father and I would gang up on him and call him names and get our self esteem from this. To me as a child growing up I thought it was ok to do this and never understood what it would be like to be my brother.

My father and mother never communicated emotion and thier relationship was feuled with negative energy. This is where the trigger was I feel and where the dissharmony arose.

My mother only recently said to me that at one stage she said to my brother that my fathers opinion did not matter. To me this may have been the trigger which over time sent me off in the wrong direction. When she told me this it set off alarm bells in my head and that she never spoke to me but spoke to my brother. I think she said this was around when my brother was 14. At around 15 I started drinking and at age 17 started taking drugs. To me this seems all to coinside with each other too much to be a coincidence. When I have asked my mother why she never trusted me as a child and spoke to me she says I did until you started taking drugs. Then she says that I lost her trust but now I have it back.

My brother took drugs and drunk I know this but now I hear she said she told my brother my fathers opinion did not matter it makes me realise she put all her trust in to my brother and left me with my father. My father and I got along but our relationship is terrible, if you have read my other thread in the Our Experience and Stories forum http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Living-with-depression-and-anxiety/m-p/17866#M2415my father is adopted and is very detached. I think my mother sees the side of him in me and rejects this and this is what has happened throughout my life. Neither my mother and father can seem to accept both thier childs.

Anyway that is my problem I find at the moment with my family. I find I do not get the respect and understanding I deserve.

I speak with my mother tomorrow 15/02/2015 for my birthday 16/02/2015, I will let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your support.

336 replies

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In response to: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @Troubled_One

What's going on? It sounds like something has happened to cause this sense of feeling like you're back at square one.

I can hear the intense stress and anger in your writing. I see though that you wish not to do anything and want to stop thinking about it.

Losing it at yourself or your dad is not going to improve the situation, so how about we come up with some ideas of what you can do instead (maybe some other members who are online at the moment could put forward some ideas too)

Are you safe at the moment?

Speaking to someone may be useful for you right now. Some great options include:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 (they also have an online chat - https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat)

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 (again, they have a great online counselling option https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/register)

Please contact one of the organisations above if you aren't feeling safe.

I'm really glad you jumped online tonight. Please feel free to use the forums as a venting ground and distraction all you want.

Nik

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey @NikNik thanks for your quick reply.

I just wanted everything to work out in our family and thought if we all said we trust each other it would work, but when I said to my father that my brother is coming down later than I thought was good for the trust I had created with my parents he started acting differently.

All I can say is is I feel like my parents treat my brother normal, mainly my mother, and then I am a after thought and my emotions and feelings are never validated when I need them to be.

I am going to ring lifeline tomorrow, thanks for saying that otherwise I would not have thought to. I will explain things to them and maybe I can get some where.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

hi Lee,
thinking about your twisty thoughts on your family. your thoughts seem correct to me.......You are not alone and it's not your fault. @NikNik is clever for suggesting lifeline.

So proud of you for writing.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

when you call Life line, would you say........., 'Now I know why my brother went away.
I do not get treated with the respect I deserve.'

Breathing when your upset, I've personally found focusing on my breathing going in and out has stopped my head from going around and around.



In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hey anne,

Yes I basically said that, and the guy was really nice, he did not solve my problem but he helped me to think about it and I talked to my mother and father and figured out where I went wrong at the start.

I still have the problems but am looking at it differently and seeing where I went wrong. Thanks to you and @kristin for helping me through.

All I can do now is sort through things and see what I can do.

Thanks guys.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

To let you know Lee its You doing the hard work.
We just are .......able to write.

But thank you. It makes me smile at you able to see an issue every which way and give thanks.
But soon you could write a message on what You have done.....leave our suggestions out........

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Thanks for writing that anne,

I will definetly think about this and hope to have good news as I have been trying to do from the start.

Just got a little lost.

This is the part I am still trying to understand and sort out with the family.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

The only problem I am having now is that as @kristin said I have put all my hope and dreams in to this and have not got the desired result.

It has been 2 - 3 months and have alot of stress built up and have been wrong from the start.

I am not sure what to do, any suggestions kristin and anne?

Thanks.

Lee.

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

I am just wondering @kristin @PeppiPatty that from the start was it my fault for things not working out or was it that my parents that pushed me in that direction and it was bound to not work out anyway?

I am stuck on this and it is really frusterating me.


I think I might give lifeline another call also...

In response to: Re: Being misstreated

Re: Being misstreated

Hi @Troubled_One

What really stands out for me in this post is how you stated 'I am stuck on this'

'Stuck' is such a great description. It's like being in thick mud and unable to move forward.

Unfortunately we can't control other people, we can't force them to think, feel or do anything. But we can control one thing.. ourselves and how we react/deal with any situation.

I'm sorry if you have mentioned this before, but do you or have you spoken to a psychologist or counsellor about this? (I kinda have recollection that perhaps you have?)

Some times things don't get resolved.. but going to a professional can help A LOT to become 'unstuck'. It can -
1) Help us understand why we are struggling with the particular issue

2) Gives an opportunity to talk about it with someone objective and get another perspective

3) Gives us strategies and insight into how to move forward.

Sometimes to get 'unstuck' we have to focus on wanting to move forward, rather than the situation that is making us 'stuck'

I hope I haven't over simplified things, because what you are going through is really tough.

I'm really glad to read you are going to call Lifeline - they are a great service.

Nik

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