When the outside doesn’t match the inside

@Bow Just go in as you are. Dont make an effort to present well like wearing nice clothes and having hair done. ED's see people in all kinds of situations. Do it as a survival strategy. The most obvious cases get the most immediate treatment. Dont be a pious patient. It doesnt get you the outcomes you want. It may reinforce good feelings about yourself but in the end leads to poor outcomes as they triage people according to how they present

Hello sweet @Bow, I can completely relate to this. From the outside people don't see how much I'm struggling on the inside. When I say I'm not ok, I'm usually just met with 'well you look well and like you're taking care of yourself, you'll be ok'. It's incredibly frustrating and I'm sorry that you feel this way.

For me just before Christmas my doctor did a referral to a mental health service, even after I told this service that I had plans (I'm safe) as were stated in the referral they were still convinced that I would be ok and that I could wait until the new year for them to offer any support. My doctor made this referral urgent and said I needed immediate support but I was let down. I had to get through alone with no support other than here, it was a random act from a stranger that basically saved my life on new years eve.

Just because someone looks, dresses and seems to be ok from the outside it doesn't mean that they are ok mentally and that's something that needs to be changed.

Sending you hugs sweet ❤️

It’s just really not me though @SmilingGecko i mean I don’t put in a whole heap of effort, but like at home I live in daggy oversized tshirts and bike shorts- that’s my everyday clothes. But when I leave the house I wouldn’t wear that. I’ll wear denim shorts and a tshirt. Well or unwell that’s just who I am.

sorry I don’t know what I am trying to say

@Bow I can relate.

I have no idea how to communicate with the outside world to communicate my dire needs (including via fashion choices).

It's not as simple as just telling people your in crisis, or asking for help, I've found. You either get told that you "look fine" or "are fine" (and therefore don't need help); or that your problems are your own and it's indecent for you to ask for help with them.

And yeah, I know that there's a language to fashion, but I'm buggered if I can figure it out.

Frankly, I've given up on trying to figure out how to communicate with people. And lord knows, over 20+ years, I have tried. It feels like the game is rigged to make it unwinnable.

I'm sorry, but I can't offer any useful advice. 😔

Oh, @Bow , yes. I relate very much to the outward "look OK" and being overlooked because of it, along with the facial expression masking.

I had to make a deliberate effort to *not* mask my lack of affect with a MH home-assessment today. But even then, i had to rebutt a few times their comments about how strong i have been at looking after myself for these years despite my MH (even though i cant cope with cleaning my house or cooking meals, but pay for cleaning and premade meal replacements). I had to remind them how this "pushing on" has made my health worse, meant i havent sought support, and ultimately led me to the burnout situation i am now in which has lead to being referred to a "crisis team" for what is actually my daily reality for years. But yeah, nah, I'm fine, right?

I hear you @Bow .

I want to help you get the support you need.

Have not felt normal or comfortable in years.

Hi @Nw, 

A warm 🌞 welcome and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community 🌿!

Sounds like you can really relate to others experiences on this thread.

It also sounds challenging to not feel normal or comfortable. If there's any particular support you're hoping to get from the community feel free to share more about your situation - We're here for you 🌟

Take care

TunedIn 🎵

Hi @MissGremlin sorry I was unable to reply last night. I crashed quickly and had no words left. But I appreciate you responding.

I guess that’s the thing with mental illnesses, they are all an internal battle with not a high percentage of them having much of an external presentation per say.

I’m sorry that you had the experience just before Christmas and that you didn’t get the support that you needed and asked for. I too have unfortunately had many experiences like that too. To the point of saying I am not ok and nothing further being asked or done and then later that day day being in hospital. It’s extremely frustrating. And it just adds another complicated level of…. blahhh…. Unworthiness I guess. It’s sucks

have you got some support now @MissGremlin ?

Hello sweet @Bow, that's completely ok. I hope you had a good night's rest. How are you feeling today?

So very true, I know many people that from the outside you wouldn't even question that they were struggling but yes behind closed doors they are a completely different person. Sadly my niece was one of those people in early December she reached out for help but was told there was know appointments available, just a few days later she took her own life. To her friends she was the most happiest person and was always helping others, they never knew the silent battle she was fighting inside.

I have tried to seek help throughout my life and I've been let down by every service possible. This new one that my doctor referred me to wanted me to withdraw my referral before they even gave me a chance. I'm still yet to get any support from them but I do need to ring them today to find out if they will help me. It's so exhausting constantly reaching out for support and getting let down, and yes then ending up in hospital cos noone listened or took you seriously. I 100% get it, I've been there so many times myself.

Keep trying to get the help you need and deserve sweet, i know it's hard but one day you'll find it and your life will change. Until then we will always be here for you so keep reaching out to the forums whenever you need support. You are worthy, loved and you matter ❤️.

Hi @AlwaysMyself thank you for responding….. and I’m sorry that you too can relate to this.

I actually really dislike when I am told that … ‘hey you’re doing a good job at getting through each day…. You’ve survived days like this before….’ Oh and do not even get me started on being called resilient. I don’t ever what to have to go through stuff anymore or to of been through crap to be called resilient in the first place. No. Nope.
I don’t think people really understand what it can actually look like to just get through bad days… to survive each day. The things that I do. The things that I don’t do. To then put some semi presentable clothes on to go to appointments and be told you look ok. No, I might ‘look’ ok, but inside. Inside is a torrential storm circulating. A massive mess.

I do have supports. My support worker is good, she just sometimes does stop talking enough to enable me to talk about stuff. My case manager through community mh is… okish. But she is one of the ones that I think sees me appearing ok and thinks I’m ok. She’s is also very quick to dismiss me and say you’ve done it before you can do it again. The community mh team is generally pretty crap. So many terrine things happen, no follow up, dismissive and stupid decisions and people. I’m on the wait list for a psychologist cause mine went on maternity leave and they made the decision without me that I didn’t need a new one. I was fuming. My pdoc is through them too… and that changes every 6mths or so which is extremely frustrating but it is what it is. My gp is great, she’ll see me whenever I need but she is also very busy. My dietitian is amazing… I have an ED, my appointments with her are always a therapy session, but there is a gap fee and most of the time I just feel like I am wasting her time. But anyways, I do have some supports, it’s just challenging to get the right amount of support from them when I am needing it when I keep presenting ok. January and Feb are really really difficult months, and I really need that extra support at the moment.

I hope you got a good outcome from your home assessment? And that you are now going to get some support?