Family rejection and the festive season

hello, my sister @Healandlove

you have so much going on for you my sister

sitting with you and giving you a hug

for me for the last few months , it has been crazy

with my kidney disease stage 4 and specialist saying i am going down the dialysis trail soon

my Husband went downhill with having sleepless nights which cuts down on my nights sleep

We did nothing or went anywhere for Christmas which was hard to explain to our families

how are you going today xx

we are sitting in the aircon as it is hot , we have had so much rain and flooding around us

Hey @Healandlove , just found your post after see you on the NYE thread.

That sounds very stressful and a lot to cope with, without the support of family. 😥.

Are you children pre-school, school-aged, or adults?

I don't have children. But the past 3 years i have volunteered as a youth mentor for ~13 year olds.

Hi @Shaz51 thank you my sister for your support. Yea life is a struggle these days. I really wasn't meant to be. There's no need for someone like me. But I know my kids need me so I stay. Just the turmoil is too much, specially during these times.

I am so sorry to hear about your kidney troubles. Have dialysis machines improved of late? I really hope it improves things for you my dear sister. I'm sorry to hear about Mr Shaz sleeping problems. How is his mental health these days? Is he taking his medication?

I am sorry you couldn't be with more family this year. Hopefully you get to see them soon and the can come and visit you.

The weather is weird in Sydney.

Sending you a very strong hug. The kind that says I really care and I wish I could protect you. 🫂

how are your children @Healandlove 😍

How is his mental health these days? Is he taking his medication? -- no threw his meds away

seeing the doctor this afternoon

self care is very important for us ( carers) i put it in brackets as my husband says i am not his carer

I am trying to put selfcare into my day even if it is a small amount

what things do you like to do for yourself xx

my family and my husband`s family do not communication with me much at all , nearly nothing , seems like i have to chase them

@AlwaysMyself

@Shaz51 oh dear, hubby threw away his MH medications? ☹️. Sounds like he is back in a very down place again. I hope the doctor appointment goes well today and he is open and honest with the doctor in full about how things are. You do get the opportunity to also share your concerns for him with the doctor too?

Selfcare is very important.

I am currently looking up where might be a nice treat Iced Coffee to go put locally today to cheer me a bit. A leaf out of the @Shaz51 book - coffee! But the local shops are so busy where i am staying and inside the shops to noisy. Hard to find a cafe that is both comfortable and quiet. 😨

Maybe i will look on Uber instead to maybe get something delivered??

Oh i am not very good with self-care, because i am too fussy and then it feels such an effort 😅😅.

@AlwaysMyself thank you for your support. My kids are school aged.

My husband has CPTSD and that has helped in severing the remaining family ties. My sister has always secretly wanted to be an only child. She married one too. Together they judge me for staying with my husband. My parents are torn between the two families. I feel for them. My husband attends therapy, me too and Together we do couple therapy with a psychologist. It's a lot.

And it feels like one step forward and 2 back. I actually should have been born in a family with an older sister that was loving instead of distant. That has impacted me a lot over the years. I am the one that helps my parents whole my sister fades in and out but they run to her at the first opportunity. I understand this because they are parents but on the other hand I feel like that biblical story about the prodigal son except I am the younger one. Sometimes I wish to be far away from everyone and just see my children.

My husband is difficult to live with. His negativity, emotional distancing etc are a lot at times. Funny, emotionally she is a lot like my sister. Anyway. It's a lot to write and a lot to read about.

Hugs ❤️ @Healandlove

Doing anything tonight?

We aren't going a where, and with all this rain around, we rather stay home xx

I'm sorry you feel judged by your sister @Healandlove . I am often judged by my sister too - albeit in a different way (for my MH struggles), we are very different people and deal with things quite differently. I am empathetic, she is more of a 'suck it up' person. Thankfully though my sister and I are on good terms though.

I imagine it is very hard for your parents also - having to decide between spending time with her or with you, rather than both. If your parents are good people to you and your husband, I hope they can find time to also see you on another occasion instead.

I read that your friend is coming over tonight, which I am glad to hear. 😊 I hope that goes well and is a bit of a mood-lifter or distraction for you.

I imagine your husband greatly appreciates your loyalty to him despite his CPTSD (even if he finds it hard to express or feel it emotionally). Are there any small ways he would be able to show you support and care, that are within his capacity? Even if it is as small as making you a cup of coffee; a token.

It is hard to see someone else get more favour when you are the one who does most of the support, eh. Life is not always fair, or based on what is 'deserved'. Sometimes this is a good thing I think, because none of us are perfect and often we need help/support that we don't "deserve" in terms of earning it. But yes at other times it can feel very unfair when we do not receive what we need despite the effort/support/work towards it.

I hear that your children are very important to you. 😊 I am glad you have them. They are lucky to have a parent who cares for them so much and that you are willing to live for their sake. Are there specific things you enjoy doing with your children?

One of my favourite things as a child was doing plaster painting with my mum. 😊

@AlwaysMyself thank you for your words. I think the little relationship i have with my sister is toxic to me and I should limit more contact. At the moment is a text here and there. She blames my husband for everything even though the family relationships were already broken. My husband and brother in law had a big disagreement in 2022. But my sister was already complaining before that about how my parents prefer me over her so it was like a perfect storm. I don't know what i did during my lifetime for her to hate me so much. That's why I think my biggest mistake was being born. The hate she has towards my husband is visceral. And some of that hate is directed at me.And what she really expected was for me to divorce him. My husband has CPTSD but he is not an evil person. He never abused me or the kids and for the most part he did show generosity and tried to do the right thing for the whole family including her kids. I thought about writing a letter to both her and her husband explaining that my husband has issues and is getting help but after receiving a text from her before Christmas about how much she hates him I think that there's no point. Also it is not my story to tell. It is so complicated. And after years of thinking I was in a normal family I realize my family is dysfunctional. So even though I still l9ve my sister I need to just get over the fact that we are wrong for each other and that I should have been born elsewhere. I expect after my parents die there will be no contact. Even with my nephews who are teens. They are being taught to hate so I don't think there's any hope. It is always been a one sided relationship. So between my husband's issues, my need for family connection and my own mental health...it is all too much. In 2026 I have to find a way to not need my sister's love and kindness and move forward. It is hard. I will talk to my therapist about that.

Having my friend with us was therapeutic. We are seeing my parents today.

If anyone here has found a way to reinvent themselves and break away from trauma I would love to hear what it is.

Thank you for reading 😘

Hugs @Healandlove

It is not you it is your sister

It is so sad that it is rubbing on to your nephews

You have tried so much over these long years to be kind

How are you parents through all this ?

My husband is the youngest of 4 in his family and his sister is so controlling and she has always been since birth

That is why we live 30 minutes away , I am the one who talks to her when she rings or texts

It is sometimes difficult, so I try not to bring her up

@AlwaysMyself

I think there are a few members in the situation, I will try to remember who they are

And I will tag the Peer support workers like @Jynx , @AuntGlow , @tyme so they may have some insight too my sister xx