The me no one knows - SI warning

@Flutterbug9 that...actually makes sense lol... alfresco I guess means outdoorsy, and the ziplock means you can seal them off! Learning new things 😁

I'm sorry to read that you're so utterly exhausted. I am sending you, and your lil inner child, some soft, sleepy vibes, and some very gentle hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@Jynx @tyme @AlwaysMyself

Between my GP and myself there were multiple enquiries and referrals done in the last 12 to 18mths in hope of me getting to see new psychiatrist, each one unsuccessful.

I desperately need a meds review and have for ages.

feel what I take does nothing anymore.

im ‘tired’ of having days when am at least ok in morning and mood drops away during the day. ‘tired’ waking with tears just below the surface

trying so hard to get involved in activities that catch my eye and appeal to me so I’ve got connections and in hope will help lift my mood. Not easy when doing so inflames my panic attacks and the war within myself with myself

Sometimes i wonder what it takes for the public health (PH) to do even a once-off assessment, @Flutterbug9 . I had to really push for a pdoc review with public health a year ago. MMH had recommended to my GP to refer me to the PH for a pdoc review, since i was at growing active risk and hadnt had one for 10+ years, and they had nothing they could offer themselves. So my GP did. And PH intake consultation result was they didnt think I needed a pdoc review and there was nothing they could provide and i should reach out to MMH to see what they have. I politely brokedown on the phone and explained this is a circle now and that MMH referred me for pdoc review. So after asking a few questions (which of course had already been covered in the intake consultation appt) they said they would advocate for one on the basis of a med review because it had been over 10 years. And they were successful.

But seriously -- is that what it takes?? 10 years without a med review, even when becoming closer to active SI instead of passive? And still being rejected until you self-advocate to get someone to advocate internally?

I dont like to say "should" and "shouldnt", but this is a case where its really hard *not to* say "it should not be this way."

This is to say, "i hear you @Flutterbug9 . You deserve better, in my opinion." And "i really hope continued advocating can get there".

I suspect part of the reason my local PH have this year offered me the short term PSW program (and not last year when i needed it even more) is because of 2 factors.

1. They can see that I had assessment with no support outcome 12 months ago and things have continued to decline.

2. I was honest with them about what hinges on this year and whether PAT helps or not.

It shouldn't require either of those things in my opinion; not in my concept of a supported world that takes S-prevention and MH seriously.

I know I couldn't do this myself (im too black and white. One of my traits lol), but I do know some others can. And i feel that maybe it could be beneficial for getting the pdoc review and/or supports you need, so I'm going to... mention it. Without either encouraging or discouraging it. Just saying it with no judgement attached, yeah?

I can see that it would be quite understandable for someone to lean towards the over-stating of how things are, than under-stating how things are, when talking to the health intake teams.

Tell them what the worst days are like.

I guess its similar advice that the NDIS LAC gave me about if i proceed and get my doc to do the functional impact paperwork for the application. State what the *worst days* look like, not the best days! Don't downplay it!

Sometimes people *assume* people are exaggerating. So if you are "saying it how it is" or downplaying it at all, they miminise it even further in their minds. Hence the need to be brutally honest and not sugarcoat the reality.

This may not sit well with you, and that is totally OK too @Flutterbug9 . But just know that if you did I'd support you in that approach too. Either way, you have my support.

No probs about “worst days” aspect. No idea how many times I had that type of chat with customers applying for DSP and/or requesting explanation for why rejected due to ‘not medically qualified”.

different giving the info vs needing the info.

thanks for the reminder

the ‘total of waste of time’ never asked or appeared to not want to know. The small number times I saw him, his focus was only and always on only one very specific aspect of my past and nothing else

i get the black and white, same reason

It’s disheartening when explain worst day to MH specialist and reply politely telling you that not possible, that not how human brain works.

remember going through that with male pdoc that local MH service kept telling me with the ‘bees knees’. Reached out to them via their prevention section on 2nd day of active SI with thoughts that I was getting scared about @AlwaysMyself

phoned and went through phone triage. F2F appointment booked for couple days later and advised to ‘stay safe’. Outcome of F2F came down to, nothing they would do. I needed to wait xx weeks for initial pdoc appointment.

i refuse to go back to that pdoc and haven’t contact MH support teams again. Total zero faith in them since that day couple years ago

im guessing somethings hit the proverbial raw nerve. I don’t talk about this aspect of me and my daily struggles last few mths. Don’t know why I am now

@Flutterbug9 supports with tunnel vision arent so helpful eh! Your description reminded me of the pdoc i saw when i was 14. He focused on 1 topic (my dad) and even then it wasnt helpful because .. well... actually, would you like that story? 😅 it felt that he was from a totally different world of what public services could/would do! 🤣 even my mum agreed that his comment was... unrealistic lol.

I think you are really brave and courageous to be doing so now @Flutterbug9 😊🤩🤗. Especially when knowing the risk of emotional pain if nothing helpful comes of it 😭.

I've found it helpful for myself, for having my voice, to also tell the person about what happened last time and why i am hesitant to "try again", even though having of course agreed to the appointment/call. I don't know if it helps them realise that coming back with "sorry, we can't help" will make things worse. But it is possible also that that could be why both services this year have offered short-term things even though it doenst help longterm -- just so they don't come back with "nothing" again?

GP that won’t refer if knows it is Telehealth only. GP who strongly prefers not to refer to anyone where there isn’t a connection already. “Sorry we not taking new patients” or “sorry waiting list is 12mths min”.

That has been my last 15 to 18mths

GP agreeing meds review needed with initial meds possibly not the best match for me.
Appointment in June has been first tiny light of possible and my only possible chance.

the only topic pdoc had tunnel vision with and was a broken record was also about my dad. I felt like spreadsheet of my life with events starting from 6 yo was totally ignored.

you are always welcome to share anything with me about your past. You don’t need to ask. My perspective is, you need to feel ok about doing so. I won’t deny my nice to have insight into your life experiences, if and when you are ready though 🤗

Mmm i get that hearing "waitlist" of "min 12 months" is discouraging, but its a shame they wont still refer you *as a backup in case you havent been able to get anything sooner* @Flutterbug9 😓. When i used to work in psych receptionist roles we would always offer that its OK to be put on the waitlist or book for "soonest available" even if 6mths+ wait, and then if they get elsewhere sooner they can always cancel this one).

Sorry for delay - dgos were done grooming so i had to stop mid-writing lol