The me no one knows - SI warning

@Flutterbug9 I’m really glad you did go. It’s hard when you don’t really feel upto it but it’s lovely that you did go and enjoy it. I certainly loved the photos.

I’ve copied one of your posts and attached the copy, not sure what is being referred to

ie model trains or something else?

I was 12 when my aunt passed away, thankful to have lots of memories of her. For me, her not walking and being bedridden was “normal”. Never thought anything about it. Think that has helped me as an adult.

I remember she had audio books which she listened to and, can’t be certain, think we’re through Blind Society.

do have anything similar?
with the level of your vision, do you use technology to help with reading and typing?
Guide dogs and assistance dogs do amazing jobs.

Food for me then might go to bed, feels like nothing better to do

@AlwaysMyself Hello lovely. How are things going?

Yes we have many similarities as well as differences! It’s not surprising we get on so well.

Thank you and to @Flutterbug9 for seeing worth. I’ve struggled with this for a while now. I’m in pretty bad shape (safe) but pretty low point even for me. Just existing like I was saying to tyme earlier.

Oh colours. I like red, pinks, mermaid green/blue, yellow, coral… Indont think I’ve mentioned it before.

Don’t worry my memory is needing a return to sender and full replacement too. If you manage to find a supplier lol I’d be grateful!

@Flutterbug9 Reading that you're having a rough day, and past few days also. Here for you. I'll be online for half an hour before I join my weekly group meeting. Hearing the safety despite the desires. I'm glad you're hanging on, but of course I wish even more that you could feel it yourself too.

@Cuddlebear *waves* so lovely to also see you online this afternoon.

@Flutterbug9 Hello lovely. How are you feeling this evening?

I know you’ve been really struggling too. I think of you when I’m off the forums and am glad you are here with us. You’re one of the most beautiful souls I’ve met and have shown a lot of strength and care for others even when you feel unwell. It really speaks volumes about how amazing you are.

Im glad you are who you are gender and all. You’re perfect in the way you were born and the person you’ve become. I’m sorry that you were made to feel inadequate by your parents or that you would have been treated differently or even better if you were a make. That type of childhood trauma is hard to sit with. Please hang in there. I know it’s hard I truly do. You deserve to feel joy and have all the best things life has to offer. I truly believe good things will come to you. I’m here for you and always happy to listen.

Sending you love, hugs and healing.

It means a little to know I’ve people on the forums I can be myself (as I go through this discovery journey) @Cuddlebear 🫶🫶💜

Tomorrow is an Anniversary, see how tomorrow goes.

atm I’ve got a word rattling around in my head and causing all sorts of upset, nightmares, unpleasant memories. I word I know some people view same as an other word to describe certain emotion. It’s a word I can’t even bring myself to type in full… H8.

nightmares, tears, anxiety has flared up my IBS. Part of me doesn’t want to talk to anyone, including here, and just stay in bed. Another part knows without the forums I’ve got no one I can be fully open with plus have to talk with.

only one person I know off the forums I’ve can talk with. They live in same area as me, about 20min walk away. Another person who likes the Pixie style hair cut I like and reasons believes will suit me. Shared has, in the 2yrs knowing me, had sense of me being a protector who lives in 2 worlds.

I remember trying to do up hooks behind me, I could never do it. I’ve been wearing type of crop top with inserts for few years. Getting everything in the right spots and trying to deal with chaffing and rashes. For me, more comfortable now without inserts plus feeling less self conscious

today (technically yesterday) I caught up on some housework in between having some ‘me time’. Finished one 3 Lego business and waiting on delivery of another business, a taxi and a food van. Appears I will be getting 2small Lego Chinese style Lions as free gift, wondering if is year of the lion.

next week most activities start back which means I need to push myself to get back to doing muscle strengthening exercises for me knees. Last year bought a book with instructions for chair yoga, classes where I am are too much combined with my knee exercises. Physio thinks doing chair yoga at home and gradually increasing what I do will be good for my back plus my balance. Stretches we did in class couple years ago were good for my back

Hello @Flutterbug9 sweet, i hear that tomorrow is an anniversary, I'm hoping the day goes as ok as it can and know that we are always here for you.

I'm with you on that word, it's not one I usually use cos it's such a painful one to hear when it's used for hurtful things.

Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Not everyone gets it @MissGremlin

know at least one person on the forums that uses that word in same context as any other word

@Flutterbug9 i hear you sweet and it can be so triggering to read it.

I know i slip up occasionally and say it but doing so brings up so many emotions. I usually say I dislike or despise rather than using the other word.

@Cuddlebear My introduction into “womanhood” was mid teens waking one school morning thinking I’d wet the bed from the way this felt and I was feeling physically unwell. Remember mum starting to throw the bed covers off, stopping, put them back over me and telling me to stay there until she came back.

when she came back I was handed a rolled up calendar and tape plus pack of pads. Told to circle the date this happens again, clean myself up in the bathroom, how to use pads and that some would be put in my school bag to be used whilst at school that day. I don’t remember any other conversation about that topic happening for years. My mother was eldest of 7, 3 sisters and 3 brothers. My mother appearing to be only one who wasn’t comfortable about having “certain” conversations. Comment my mother made about male nurses when I was approx 20 in hospital amputation surgery leaves an unanswerable question, was she molestated at some stage before she was mid 20’s.

only 23 outside, sun coming through 3 glass sliding doors making my lounge quite warm. Time to close the drapes and get some housework done.