The me no one knows - SI warning

Awww @Flutterbug9 . Thanks for sharing about your family.

It must've been hard for you as you saw the changes in your dad and how people responded. Your experiences that you shared gives me so much insight into how stroke impacts loved ones. Please correct me if I got any of the story confused! I've read it a few times now just to make sure I haven't missed anything!

As for the cat loving water??? What? In my head, it is well known that cats HATE water!

Early primary child, out of curiosity, wanted to see if a cat would/could swim @tyme Cat into bath (never mind my dad already having a bath). One partly wet ginger cat was seen running toward back door and outside screaming.

@AlwaysMyself asked about cats liking water.

photo and info is of cat breed Turkish Van aka as Swimming Cat. Cat breed known for its love of water. 🤗

due to a type of stroke that was not diagnosed until years ,later, my life as early teenager went from easy going to the complete opposite. verbal abuse for years that, after approx 3yrs had become daily, or fairly close to it.

part of the root cause for my CPTSD and people pleasing.

Swimming Cat. And can you get them in Australia? @Flutterbug9 Interesting name, "Turkish Van"... and lol... your dad was already in the bath!

As for your past trauma partly stemming from undiagnosed stroke is so so sad to hear. It sounds like there was this sudden change in your dad and it just got worse... makes you think what he would've been like otherwise.

Did you have siblings? My apologies in advance if this is delving too deep. You don't have to say or answer anything you are not comfortable answering.

I really appreciate you sharing. I feel like i'm getting to know you more.

@tyme Talking about my past for me is like telling a story. There are memories and gaps. Prettery close to no emotion.

I’ve got no issues with anyone asking questions

im an only child. My mum had 3 miscarriages plus, from things I can piece together, my twin was not alive when born.

prior to the stroke my dad was an easy going man who had been born and raised in small country town. Enjoyed playing sports, enjoyed fishing (including taking any boy above a certain age fishing with him). Extended family feel due to him having good relationship with my mums youngest 2 siblings (his own brother having committed suicide when I was 9yo) plus good relationship with one step of childhood neighbours.

things went from “headache” at work and found “asleep” behind wheel of his car. In bed for few days, refused to see GP. For a time after that he was his usual self. At some stage small things started to change for the negative and didn’t stop

@tyme I remember you saying about realising your “normal” wasn’t “normal”.

reading my story might have given insight to why I refer to , start from my earliest memories, being the same.

Yes! I can relate @Flutterbug9 ! I was always the 'odd' one.. things I thought were 'normal', were not 'normal', and others didn't get it so I just shut up and kept to myself. It took until I was in my 30s to start searching for an idenity and to be okay with it...

It's such a journey... always learning more about ourselves, others and our place in the world.

Even now, I can see how different my two siblings are compared to me.

@Flutterbug9 that would have been so painful to live with, your father's decline post-stroke. I'm trying to imagine how it would have felt to be your mother, trying to stand by her husband whilst also protecting herself and you, and having the GP say she just needs to be patient with him, but then also hearing from the same GP that it was all in her head and her problem?! That is... just wow. I am so sorry for you both, going through that and being treated that way.

I knew strokes could alter personalities; was trying to think why i knew that. I just remembered why. One of my former workplaces, we had a person we contracted for a certain task, he had been a fulltime employee for a very long time until he had a stroke. So.post-stroke this was a job he was still able to do a few hours per week for income instead. He had severe physical disability from the stroke. But he also had a very short fuse, and was very unreliable with getting the work done on time and to-order. We understood it was due to the stroke - his short temper outbursts - but it still didnt make him easier to deal with in any way! Just imagining dealing with that every day in home life... ☹️.

I am glad you and your mum moved away for while, although i expect that wasnt easy either. But i hope it was safer for you both at that time.

Very funny that the cat later liked to paddle in the shallow bath water. And so weird!! Especially given its initial reaction of disliking it; or perhaps from the shock of it lol.

I know of a cat that goes paddleboarding with its owner at the beach lol. Its a Bengal of course (bold and brave adventurer!). But i dont think it likes going INTO the water - just sitting on the board.

@AlwaysMyself I’m not feeling physically well this morning, damn sinuses. Still hoping to get to model train show. Meds taken and heading for shower very soon. If shower and med combination doesn’t work, I’m back in bed after taking different meds.

remembered something you mentioned about surgery possibles for people. (“Joys” of way my memory works)

don’t think I’d have top surgery done. Mix of my age, my back pain is all to do with OA plus clothing options which allow for physical appearance to align with how I feel inside. Bottom surgery definitely doesn’t interest me. My late husband liked to ‘receive’ at times which resulted in some ‘experimenting’ and ‘different purchases’. Each to their own, not for me though.

with “my story”, emotionally wise to me that’s all it is. It’s a story. Things I know that happened, remember the feelings atm. By now, and for many years, there is zero emotion.

if have questions, want to clarify anything please don’t hesitate to ask.

somethings I take for granted by now eg damage to my lungs. What started as chest infection got worse to point I had rattling cough and wheezed when I breathed. My father agreed I needed to see GP. Diagnosis was severe bronchitis with GP suggests hospital due to concerns of developing pneumonia, my father refused. Rest of that year until had to wear summer uniform, I wore skivvy under my winter uniform to school. Even more ostrocized at high school. Has left permanent impact on my lungs and susceptible to bronchitis

@Cuddlebear @Chasingsunsets @tyme

@Flutterbug9 i hope the meds and shower steam help clear the sinuses. I greatly dislike when i feel physically sick - brings my mood down too!

I hope you feel better so you can go to the model train expo (if you do, would be interested in photos if u felt up to taking some and not a hassle to). But its also OK to not oressure yourself to go, especially if your physical body is telling yourself it needs rest and recovery. Don't want to make your body more tired and feel worse later 🥺. Sending healing hugs - even though i know they dont really have physical health healing powers... but if only they did!

Not getting the physical health care you needed as a child also... 😢😭. Especially when a doctor has recommended hospital, they dont do that lightly. Gosh that would be so frustrating to now have to live with affects from the poor decisions your dad made in the past and the irreversable physical damage. Winter must be of a big concern to you every year i imagine? And during any outbreak of respiratory illnesses that could then be even more dangerous for you?

Did the school peers bully/tease you for wearing a skivvy in winter??

People, especially school children, can be so mean ☹️. And for something as minimal and (in my mind) normal as wearing a skivvy to prevent cold and infection??

I was bullied in primary school, but it was a very small school (well under 100 students). I was a younger sibling, my sister being friends with the bullies and thus i got bullied. I think the worst thing, in hind sight, was never knowing whether or not i would be included or bullied. Sometimes i could play with them and it would good (as far as i can tell. ...else i wouldnt have continued to sometimes play with them). But i guess if any of them felt like being mean or targetting someone, i was one of the options. Or if i did something they just didnt like (eg in a sport game, tackling the ball sucessfully). But i guess because i didnt enjoy the playtime the other students (non-bullies) did i also didnt want to just be friends with them and only play with them. So i went between both groups, not fitting with either.

In high school i had good kind friends, not bullies. But i felt very little of common interest or 'play' until they were adults and talking about life.

Awww @Flutterbug9 . I'm sorry to hear you don't feel the best today. I hope things improve for you. I look forward to hearing about the train show if you end up going.

Thinking of you. Thank you for sharing parts of your story. I am following along and I find it very interesting to read your journey. It's pretty remarkable.