Firstly, as other people have mentioned, there is troll/s on the forums. One of the reasons I’m careful with what I say, to whom and who I’m ok about being tagged on my thread. Im aware is public forum and this doesn’t prevent things happening. Just a bit of insight.
preferring to do “my story” in one post (will try to follow a timeline). Some of which I’m mentioned already, sorry for that.
my parents were married approx 10yrs before I was born. 2 miscarriages before I was born and 1 after. From things my mum used to say, plus no mandatory recording of birth of child not born alive until short time ago, it appears my twin was not alive at birth.
one income family from when my parents got married, my parents somehow near saw a reason for my childhood home to finish being built or painted inside. Neither parent appearing to view me having my own bedroom as important until I was approaching puberty. Not sure if my father viewed it a priority even then.
child who apparently was street angel, home devil as a toddler who was raised to speak up for myself. Within first couple of years at primary school I became aware of attempts by paternal grandfather to control me. He believed children should be outside playing sports, had raised his 2 children that way and started forcing his views on me verbally. Constant arguments and me being told I was disrespectful.
10yo I was displaying signs of depression and fear of abandonment. The year prior my dads only brother and sibling having taken his own life (combination of physical health concern plus constant badgering by his father became too much)
between ages of 12 and 14yo my mums youngest sister, my maternal grandmother, paternal grandfather all died plus my dad became unwell. (Unknown for yrs, my dad had a stroke the impact of which gradually changed him from a fun loving friendly man to the total opposite. Combination of all 4 events saw my physical and MH start to spiral downwards.
up to start of form 1 (year 7) my mother fully decided what clothing I was to wear everyday. Options were dresses, skirts, shorts, tops, trousers, overalls. From start of form 1 my father dictated I was only allowed to wear school uniform or pinaform style dresses. A father who refused to have discussions about puberty and as he used to say “woman’s business “ whilst he was home, a mother who never taught me anything. A teenager who became ashamed of her body due to all the physical changes, that I was different than others and thoughts it was taboo to talk about things with anyone.
16yrs 5mths my mum and I fled childhood home with some essential furniture and whatever we could carry. For few weeks lived in granny flat in backyard of house on opposite side of town I had been born in. Due to mix of seeing car that matched same distinctive colours of my fathers, safety concerns and my father being a postal worker, after being in granny flat for short time we were moved by Police to house in another suburb. This move being front long before end of form 5 for me. Police organised a 2 stage mail redirection.
approx 20yr old Police and staff at local MH ward advised was safe to return to childhood home. Was ages before my mother and I felt comfortable enough to sleep in the bedrooms, slept in the lounge room instead, neither of us wanting to sleep in same room as had in the past. Not long after returning to childhood home became an amputee which resulted in months learning to regain balance walking. No prewarning by surgeon, nurses being the people who told me post surgery
first mortgage and my own home in my mid 30’s much to displeasure of my mother who had continued controlling me. House in different town approx 1hr drive away.
mid 40’s spent 1mth on tour of England and Ireland, arrangements made for my mother to housesit and take care of my animals. Day I departed Australia she had heart attack and spent 2 weeks in hospital. Following few mths I continued working full time and became her carer, my mother continuing to live at my home. 23 December that year my mum passed out in my arms at front door of my home. Rushed to hospital in ambulance, passing away in ED. Few weeks later I went to bed with full plan in my mind to end the lives of myself and my cats the following day. went to GP instead and was referred to psychiatrist at some stage.
got into new routine and returned to laying floating floor in lounge, dining, family and rumpus areas. Started into doing some things, Actions where I had no thoughts of my safety on any level
about 18mths later I purchased and moved into my next home, a unit back in town I had been born in. After few years I met a guy who became my husband. De facto for few years before getting married. We were married few months short of 5 yrs when he passed away from cancer.
we moved in with his elderly dad for few months prior to my husbands death. One month after my husband passed sway his sister told me to “get your things out of this house, this is my dads home”.
moved back to my home that May, adopting my 2 cats that July. I was employed by a Federal Government Department, location I was in was toxic environment. Both my physical and MH suffering. First day back at work after 3 weeks planned holidays and be bed of the night I knew I wanted to quit. Quit a job I loved with 30+ years behind me and received regular good feedback on from head office. Handed in my 2 week notice that Friday.
15mths later purchased and moved to my current location which is in different location again.
other aspect of chat from this morning on another post
