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General chit chat

General chit chat

Hi@Faith-and-Hope, @utopia, @Mazarita

I'm still not very good at 'navagating' this site, maybe that's why I kept trying 'instant' chat sites - they seemed easier. But I like that messages can be checked, that it's not instant feels like some sort of barrier against instant shock I suppose - though I know this is a public Internet site so anyone can use it. I also think, though I hate the term Mental Illness, as I think it takes all the physical out of it, that the people that cause trauma probably suffer from it, so they would have just as much right to use it. But I feel a bit like typing I think, so I thought I might just blurb a little?
I've went away for a few days. I go every month. I visit the center of my Universe 🙂 The one person who has been there with/for me, their whole life & I believe will remain that way until I die 🙂 . . . & quite the large Family they have provided for me to share in 🙂 I go from, it almost seems like another Planet sometimes, my life is very quiet; to the center of my Universe, which includes 5 grand-children ranging in age from almost 2 to, going on 18; then there's the partner, the partners Parents and a large variety of friends 🙂 I often find myself thinking 'alein sound dimension' - there's so much noise on so many different levels! Every single one of them has every gadget known to mankind, and most of those gadgets make noise! And my World is a lot calmer, with a lot less going on - we're usually driving in the car, taking children to school, doing whatever shopping is necessary for the day in time for whatever seemingly endless appointment is due, . . . by the time my alarm goes off to make sure I wake up in time to get tired in time to go to sleep in time 😄 There's no way I could keep that pace up anymore! After a few days I find myself almost running away with my tail between my legs 🙂 But it's the perfect balance really, I do spend a lot of time alone - apart from my 3 furry, four-legged friends; but I am extremely lucky, my bond with my only child is of a strength I can't see breaking; I get a phone call or text every night & welcomed by a dozen open arms and smiling faces every month. I am lucky, I have a good life. Well, I think life is just a word, neither good nor bad. I have good experiences and I am happy 🙂

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In response to: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

On a lighter note...

@Mazarita... every time I see your avatar picture... hahaha... I just want to blow and see all of those fluffy seeds fly and be free...

That mental image makes me smile,
I haven't smiled in a little while;

It speaks of childhood moments in the sun,
Of the lighter moments when life was just fun;

It speaks of making the invisible breeze be seen,
Whatever that may mean;

It speaks of butterfly wings
And lots of other things...

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

Hi @Former-Member... nice to see you round... how goes it?

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

It's cold here at my dad's place... I am sitting in my PJs in bed, with my laptop on my lap. Dad is watching Home and Away or some other soap on the teev. I've been nursing a dodgy neck - the muscles all tensed up and swollen from too much driving and too much cold weather...

Next week's driving to and from work is not something I am looking forward to, but it is what it is, and I need to get through it. Driving through the countryside is actually quite lovely... I am up and away at ten past six in the morning, to get to work by 8:30. Watching the sun come up across the fields is such a magical sight, especially when it's foggy or frosty...

But there's no denying that the 13 hour days are taking their toll on me... and my bipolar is being a little bit unrelenting in its response... I weather it as best I can, and get on with what has to be done.

I had a bit of a blow-up at dad the other night... I feel bad for it... one of those "back to square one, I thought I had dealt with this crappy part of myself" things... just my bipolar - natural frustration levels and anger taken to unnatural heights... most of the time I can deal with it, and just ride the waves of emotion, and let it flow within me without any of it making it out into the real world... but sometimes I just snap...

Then I hate myself for days and days...

It's a pattern that I am working on improving... trying to be gentle with myself when it happens, and at the same time, trying to make sure that it happens less often...

In response to: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

The timing of your post today as always was perfect timing for me @Silenus......as were @Mazarita and @Former-Member responses.
I've been my usual very up and down self @Silenus. Your post made me reflect on a great deal today. I am needing to learn to go with things not fight against or reason with them. I am so very grateful you share these snippets of your personal learnings with us.
My journey through this is very different to yours but at the same time it always amazes me how things resonate listening to others stories.
It is very cool to see you popping in here and there. I always wonder how Cyril is (I think I have the name right???)
Best wishes to you all today 💜🤗

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

Hi @Former-Member, good to see you here. You made me remember @Silenus's Cyril (pretty sure that was his name?). Wasn't he a cockatoo?

The day has only got better here, visited a friend, laughs and smiles and disagreements in good faith. Still, I manage to fall in little holes along the way and am feeling one now. C'est la vie. Sometimes I think it's the hyper-awareness of ourselves that is the real problem with everything... sometimes, I think no, I need awareness, otherwise I really do go off the rails. Other times I think I was born worried, lol. There's a baby photo of me very early on and I've got such a serious frowning look on my face! Mind you, they had left the bassinette out in the open sun and didn't give me any sunnies.

Wonder if @Former-Member is around at this hour...

In response to: Re: General chit chat

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Hahaha... yes, Cyril is his name... my pet parrot, sqwaaaarrrking away, and defecating on my shoulder whenever I self-deprecate... good old Cyril...

Giggle...

So I've been busy today. After lunch - oh goodness, I forgot to eat lunch - no wonder I'm hungry now - so, after lunch I filled dad's chainsaw up with fuel and oil, and went down to the front paddock and cut up a bunch of pine trees that had been laying in the field for over a year. They were well seasoned... nice and dry. Then I got the trusty axe out and split them up into kindling for him. With the hardwood that I split yesterday, he should have enough wood to keep him (and me when I'm down here staying with him) warm for another month or so. I'll split some more wood when my neck isn't being a bugger...

It felt good being Farmer Si for a while. It's hard work physically, but oh so good for the mental side of things. You get to be naturally mindful, focussing on the job at hand, and you get nice and physically weary in the process, the kind of weary where even an overactive nutbag mind like mine has to wind down a bit and relax.

Gonna hop in the shower and have a nice long soak. The joys of living on the land, with lots of big rainwater tanks on the property - you don't feel guilty about wasting water. After that, I may even pour myself a glass of sauv blanc and cheers the day that was.

My Lovely Partner and I have been looking for a dog for the past month or so. She finally found one at a pet rescue place, and she is driving out to pick the little love muffin up tomorrow. So, I get to meet the pooch when I finish next week's work and drive home on Friday night. Her name is Piglet, and she's a lovely little 4 year old Jack Russell cross... woot woot! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Sending lots of hugs and happy vibes to one and all.

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

Hello @Shaz51 I haven't noticed you about much today, I hope everything is going well for you. Sending you cuddly bear hugs and big sloppy kisses XxX

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Ohhhhh thankyou @Former-Member for the beutifaul hugs and kisses my awesome friend xxx

yes , I am going for a Endiscope tomorrow

how are you today and sending you some hugs tooooo

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

Hi @Former-Member
read a lot of your posts, and you're such a caring soul, i havent been around much posting, though i read... a lot! hope you're having a good day.

Hi @Shaz51 - I have everything crossed for your endiscope tomorrow. i kind of hope they find something... that they can do something about that will help you have one less thing to deal with. hugs always forever friend xx

In response to: Re: General chit chat

Re: General chit chat

thankyou my awesome forever friend @Former-Member

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