General chit chat

I did Yoga , and Jaz dancing when I was young @Mazarita

Did you tell your doctor that you had them out when you were 9 -- yes I did but I think i might go to another doctor as night time seems to be worse , i lay down and i start coughing and swallowing flum and it have to get up and have a cough lolliy

@Shaz51, I didn't think tonsils grew back, but Mazy has checked with the guru Google - so all I can think of is asking you Doctor? I've got a bit of a sore throat at the moment too, though not too bad and I'm taking vitamin supplements {I do all Winter} to help keep it at bay.

I'm good today Thank-you and hope your doing well despite the tonsils? In fact this is the first time in my life I'm actually thinking I'm feeling a bit too good {if there is any such thing}. Not that I'm complaining, but there's no real reason for it? But I'm going with it, not only did I tackle some dishes . .. but they're all done! I didn't expect to do that!

Hi Mazy 😄 @Mazarita

I did a bit of ballet when I was younger, don't remember very much of it and I didn't get very far (no toe shoes). What I do remember is pretty negitive actually, the Teacher was always poking at my belly telling me to hold it in and lose weight (huff . . . if she'd have seen me during my 20's and 30's!) + the first and only time I danced (with a group) in public I did one to many twirls (can't remember what they're called) and was devastatingly embarrassed by it!

I'm sorry to hear your still struggling with low energy, but I do understand and it's ok {well it's not ok . . . but it's alright} Don't ever feel you have to respond, or even press the like if your not up to it - I'll be thrilled when you do and I'll keep blurting at you even when your not 🙂 Thank you for your appreciation, it makes me feel very good that I can give you something positive 🙂

I'm feeling very good today and there's this little alarm bell trying to tinkle a ring I think, as I think I'm realizing it's not exactly normal - but I'm going with it, got all my dishes done! 🙂 🙂 and right now, feel a very strong determination I'm going to keep it that way! To be honest, I hope this lasts for a while!

Sending a bit of my unusual energy and good feelings 😄

Love you Mazy

Good night Mazy @Mazarita, Claire @outlander, @Shaz51, @Faith-and-Hope and everybody 🙂

The constant beeeeeep of my inverter, which is the alarm to tell me it's shut down, is very annoying. But hey, it got me through the night. Lucky this is a lap top and I still have it's battery power 🙂

I hope you all sleep well and the peace is with you

Goodnight @Former-Member ..... 😴💕

Hello Mazy 😄 @Mazarita

Woo Hoo, we're 'on' at the same time again! 😄 😄

I can really relate to @Silenus last post too! Without specific details, it was like he was describing my life! I don't like males, but I have to say 'I like your mind Silenus' and think your a brilliant writer, it was your praise that made me decide to continue my story.

It was about 10 years ago that I reallly started battling myself, recogizing a very obvious problem. I finally was able to carry through my decision to stop abusing substances, at first it dawned on me that I was attempting to self-medicate, but now I see my young life was just another form of hiding - hiding from myself. In my later years I have been able to look back and see how terribly bad my decisions were, but it was as if I had no choice. It's cruel when your own mind sabotages your own self! The 'line' make so much sense, I do my best to understand and there are many moments where 'A Ha' shines through, but there are many others, still to this day, that just make no sense.

I don't think I have an illness, perhaps a malfunction, but not really even that. I think I am individual as everybody is, but society is too closed and just not realistic about Human Beings. I don't think we are natural nor healthy, any of us. Any creature that can understand that it is destroying, not only it's own kind, but all life and even the very Planet that life depends upon, and continue doing so . . . there's something very wrong!

@Former-Member

I relate especially to this line in your post:

I have been able to look back and see how terribly bad my decisions were, but it was as if I had no choice.

I too have made many bad decisions, hurtful decisions to myself and others. But when I imagine going back to those times, I know that, given the same mental distress, it would happen all over again. My inability to rely on myself is one of the most painful aspects of my illness.

Yes, I do call it an illness. And, like you, I too see our western society as being unnatural and unhealthy. But I'm not so fussed about the terminology because, whatever it's called, my personal condition prevents me from functioning as well as I would like, or being as decent a human being as I would like to be. I don't believe those who say everything in life is a choice and that it is all 'up to us'. Nor do I really believe that 'it's society's fault'. Somewhere between the two is me, this troubled individual trying to make it through this journey of life, in this time in history, in this place.

Well, now I've run out of steam on anything more to say! Lol. Mainly just wanted to write back to you this morning, since I've been missing in action a bit lately. Sending good vibes for the day. Mine is already looking a bit better than it was. Gotta laugh at yourself when you wake up and immediately feel panicked about boredom.

Thanks for being around this morning, Niqua. And to @Silenus too. You have both helped me rise a bit out of my morning blues.

Good morning (still... just...)

Hi @Mazarita and @Former-Member. 🙂

Just wanted to reach out and say thanks to you both. It's nice to connect. Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you.

I think one of the hardest things about mental health issues is that you can be travelling along quite nicely, and then POW! Out of nowhere, you feel that you are back to square one.

That is the nature of the beast. The problem is that all too often, we see it as a personal failing, and we shouldn't.

I have bipolar. I also have OCD. Occasionally, I dance the merry dance with anxiety as well. These are just labels, of course, and one person's bipolar is not another person's bipolar, etc. As @Former-Member said, it's all about being individual, and truth be told, nobody is 100% healthy or "right in the head". Everybody has issues. Some have more disruptive issues than others, though.

@Former-Member- you wrote "It's cruel when your own mind sabotages your own self!"

Darn tootin' it is! I can relate to that very strongly. I think that this is a major piece of the puzzle regarding mental health issues. It is also a major misunderstanding that "normal" people (whatever that means) have. I don't think that anyone can appreciate how difficult it is when you are your own worst enemy, unless of course they have experienced that state of affairs themselves.

To be fighting yourself every step of the way is not only exhausting, it's downright impossible. You will never win that fight... hahaha...

When I first started to tackle my issues with depression and, later on, too-high hypomania, I thought that I could win through sheer force of will. I saw it as a battle, and set to work fighting those parts of myself that I had identified as "the problem". I set about excising the parts of my personality I didn't like. To a certain extent, I think that this sort of approach needs to happen, but it definitely has its limitations.

The problem with fighting yourself is this - you fragment your personality. That inner voice that you identify as "you" sets itself up as the main authority within yourself. It then goes about, poking and prodding at all of the other bits of your self, making judgements about which bits are right and which bits are wrong. Then it goes about trying to make changes, supposedly for the better.

And what happens then? All of the other parts of yourself start to fight back. All of a sudden, you've got a heck of a lot more internal conflict than you had before, and there's not even any guarantee that anything gets resolved for the better. Instead, there's just an inner war that rages, and more often than not, it makes things worse.

I started to accept that I get depression from time to time. I stopped seeing it as a disease, a disorder, an illness, call it what you will. Instead, it's just a part of me, an important part of me that falls into a heap to protect itself when I have used up too much of the natural go-go juice in my brain. It's as simple as that. Hahaha...

I stopped seeing it as something that I had to fight every step of the way. That gave me the energy to be able to be gentle with myself, to treat myself with patience and compassion and kindness instead of berating myself and kicking myself when I was down.

Since then, my depressions have been more bearable. They still suck, but I accept them and have learned to live with them as best I can.

... just a few random thoughts...