General chit chat

Hi @Former-Member, that disorientation experience you have at times would be scary to me. I think I've had what you describe to some extent but only on a very few occasions. I wonder if it is indeed the light around twilight that affects you in that way. Certainly at that time the look of places would be in the process of the light changing a lot as we head towards night. Very glad you don't get that feeling inside your own home.

We had lamb shanks here last night, roasted they were too, though I didn't eat any of the veges. I seem to be in the process of a winter slump here at the moment and all my bad habits are rearing their head: poor eating, losing all energy to do anything, wanting to sleep too much, staying in pjs all day and not showering. Sometimes these states of being seem to need riding out as nagging myself about stuff just doesn't work and instead just makes me more miserable. Not that I exactly feel miserable. The meds I take even out the actual feelings I have to a good extent. But they don't always reach the ways I actually function or not function in an everyday way. Not to worry. I've survived much worse than this before and will again.

But for now I feel like going to bed again at 7.30pm, even after sleeping about 15 hours since 7.30pm last night. How's that for a whinge? I'm not troubled by your whinging. Hope it doesn't bother you too much that I do it to you too.

Hmmm, now I don't have much more to say because I've had such a slow day and am finding it very hard to concentrate on TV too. Good to hear you are keeping up the sci fi viewing, hope the movie is good, haven't heard of that one. I got my daily dose of Star Trek earlier, which was the highlight of the day for me, aside from C being around today as it's his day off. I was very glad for his company today. I would have had a harder time of it on my own.

Sounds like you have more dog washing duties coming up soon. That's a regular part of your schedule it seems! Part and parcel of the love and pleasure of caring for dog friends.

I may be in bed before too long so I'll say goodnight to you now so I don't miss you later. Hope you sleep well when you get there and wake up reoriented to the world again and feeling much better!

Good Morning Mazy

I missed my Good nights last night! I've run out of the herbal sleep assistants that I usually take and my child has mentioned that they will be less effective if I take them too long. So instead I'm taking a medication usually for allergies. I did try to watch and extra episode of my Alien series, as I only had one left and have to return the movie to the machine and thought I could replace the alien one at the library at the same time. But I just couldn't keep my eyes open! I definitely suffer more from not being able to sleep than the opposite, though I have had days/weeks of wanting nothing but bed - always when some fella was with me, I think I was just trying to escape them! Perhaps I'll just take nothing tonight and see how I go?

The disorientation is odd, looking at something that you've looked at so many times and just not seeing it sort of thing, worries me; it's a bit like seeing something that just isn't there. I wonder if they're connected somehow? Getting lost is a huge fear of mine, I used to go to extremes to try and overcome it, but then I used to be able to identify individual trees or lay of the land etc. I think I've spent a lifetime trying to teach myself to trust myself. . . and I still haven't got there.

How freaky is that? We were both chomping on lamb shanks last night - but I ate all my veggies too 🙂 I made 2 meals of it, as there were 2 shanks in the packet, so I did 2 sweet potatoes, 2 onions and 2 zucchinis as well 🙂

As I said yesterday, don't beat yourself up about the slow days - you have physical reasons for them, just as there are physical reasons for the (dare I say manic) over-stimulated times. And if staying in pjs and not bathing is a sign of what you've got, then I guess I've got what you've got . . . and I've had it solidly for a couple of decades! 🙂 I hear you with the need to ride things out, with my depression (which I see as the days of tears and the type of crying where I can't breathe and everything hurts) I truly believe I just have to go through it, I felt the pills were keeping me in a sort of limbo that actually stuck me there - and I had to stop them and just go through it! Now (and it's been years since I've taken any pills) I barely get those days. But for you the pills are helpful and that's a good thing 🙂 I just don't like them forced on me, I think it's an individual thing and I don't react well to them. I don't worry about your ability to come through this, I just worry about your suffering whilst in it - I truly care about the stiff, distant women that types such real emotions and expresses so much to me Wish I had a magic wand!

Please do whinge your hardest at me! It's a privilege an honour! I feel I click with those whinges, which is probably why I throw so many at you 🙂

Funny you had trouble concerntrating on TV, I sort of had the same thing with my alien episode. I was interested, it was about (don't know the spelling) Nazca lines, huge geoglyphs, giant pictures on the ground only visable from the air. But I just couldn't keep my eyes open! Ahhhhh, Star Trek, makes me wish I did have TV, never see those in the library! Glad your companion had a day off yesterday, hope he's going ok at work.

Definately having a bathing day today, though I still don't feel the motorvation for it, it's one of those 'have to' things and I usually do get to the 'have to's' 🙂 My bedroom feels far to empty without them, though they were really good and didn't whinge or scratch at the door. I'd moved the young fellas bed into the lounge and had the fire going for them (which wasn't able to heat my bedroom, because I had to have the door shut!) I do see it as a pleasure of love, they need me - all the World needs to be needed 🙂

Thank you for your Good night, for thinking of me, for caring. One of my problems in real life is that I collaspe myself into anyone who will do that, and I become a heavy burden. Never feel you have to be there for me, I never want to burden you, but know I will if you let me.

Sending you love, hugs and permission to take your time 🙂

@Mazarita

Hi Niqua,

The sleeping med I take is also an antihistamine. It has been prescribed for me but it's also available over the counter at the chemist. I wonder if by some weird chance we are taking the same one. Doesn't matter, whatever works. Good on you for going mostly med free. I understand your reasoning too and I think it's a highly personal decision either way. I think too that our experience of psychiatrists may differ. I've never had meds forced on me. I've never been admitted to a psych ward, though I've been sick enough for it I'm sure. But this means I have always gone to see psychiatrists purely by my own choice to seek them out as people who may be able to help my suffering.

The disorientation does sound like it could be related to seeing things that are not there. Some people might see it as a gift of seeing things differently. The fear you experience about it seems worse in a way than the actual experience (which reminds me of some of the shifts of perception I used to get at bush raves). I saw them as magical. Not that I'd encourage anyone to chase after that kind of thing if it doesn't arise naturally.

I'm showered now and at friend's place. She's coming back tonight. So that means I've been out on the bus today. Also chatted with an older couple at the bus stop. That was a nice thing.

I always have trouble concentrating on TV or movies these days. I used to gobble them. I also used to gobble novels. But the meds I take are interfering with concentration for those things. I've made the personal decision that the meds are worth the loss of these things for now, though I mourn them too. Thankfully I can concentrate for long periods of time on actual making of videos. I also watch quite a number of short videos on the net too.

I think I understand what you are saying about how you may, in a way, push people away in the really real by pushing for too much closeness. Ironic isn't it? I have done it too. I may have a better sense of boundaries in my relationships these days, at least with friends (the relationship with C is pretty emotionally collapsed, lol). But boundaries get wobbly still at times.

But here, in a place that has its own inbuilt boundaries, and may be temporary in the long run (we may not be on the forum forever), I think we are doing more than fine. I hope so, because I love our modern day penpal arrangement, with lots of cyber affection, relating, mutual understanding and humour.

@Former-Member

@Former-Member how come i cant find your second slide show... i dont remeber looking at a second one- i think thats when i wasnt really here for a few days but the link has gone?

Hello @outlander 🙂 I've just decided to remove links. It wasn't anything special, just some pics from my backyard. I've decided I don't want any links on this forum - that's all 🙂

Hope you smiling

Hi @Former-Member,

Haven't caught up with how you are doing past couple of days, seems you've been too busy with video editing! I hope you keep doing them. Your skills are developing quickly!

Today I went to the GP for renewed prescriptions, renewed referral to psychiatrist. My lovely doctor asked about a range of other things and recommended I get a flu shot. So I did, first I've ever had. I've been reluctant in the past because I heard that some people get a bit sick from the shot. But I trust my doctor, and C works in a childcare centre (bringing home lots of bugs), so I thought it was not a bad idea and took the plunge. Will let you know how it goes over the next couple of days. It was great getting up to the nearby suburb by bus and a bit of a hilly walk to get to the doctors. The sun was shining consistently today for the first time in weeks. Yay for getting out!

Star Trek coming up in the next hour, looking forward to it. No plans for the rest of the evening, which will be a bit of a challenge. Didn't get my washing done again today. I guess it doesn't really matter if I do it tonight so maybe I will still get to it.

Sending cyber hugs and lots of affection.

Good night Mazy @Mazarita, Claire @outlander and everybody 🙂

I hope everything went well at medicare outlander and I hope you don't get the flu from the flu shot Mazy

You need to be careful when you put links into these forums, they're links, they can link to other information.

Sleep well and peace be with you XxX

good night Niqua

yeah medicare was fine- its made things easier now too

it wont be a good night for me but i certainly hope you sleep well

@Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member, just been emailing with Nik about our coded posts that were removed. Wanted to send extra hugs to you right now. BIG HUGS!!!!! With you through this, sister. You know that you are important to many of us here, right? That includes me. No-one has ever made me a video before. I was grinning a mile wide. I'd really like to encourage you to just take it easy on yourself with any freaked out feelings you might have. Remember to focus on breathing if you can, then slow it down if you can. Reaching for anything that might help you right now. Maybe you need to give your dogs a big hug too. And maybe a sloppy kiss. Love to you, dear friend. Mazy oxoxox