I feel really overwhelmed … please help

Hi @8s8 and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through that with your husband, but I'm glad that you've found this space and have found validation in this thread.

I'm hearing that he's been seeing a counsellor to little effect, what about your supports? Have you been able to lean on anyone during this time?

Hey mate that sounds very hard and it also sounds like "each of my parents" whom were very damaged people each with unresolved trauma. The kids of the family ultimately were deeply affected with deep personality issues, at risk of dictating your life I would ask you to contemplate for your own future:

-What are the benefits of staying?

- How would you move into an independent life?

My Mum did NOT break the cycle and now her two sons are each misogynists and abusers in their own way as they learned from their father "how to have more power" only they didn't learn to generate the power of aptitude and respect, they learned how to have the power of tyranny and dishonesty and it's fairly sad to see. I am a female and I learned to have no will, no self esteem, no self respect like my mother and got walked all over for the first 35 years of my life.

Thus I would urge you to look at the fact IF your partner won't resolve his trauma and learn how to behave and interact like a normal person, thats the point it becomes an imbedded personality variation and, how much energy do you have to manage an extra child in an adults body or is it to the point where that adult faces the consequences of their own choices, or lack thereof in life. As life is quite difficult enough and when we are adults there's a lot of things required to function in society, as an adult there's not much room to go backwards nor people to make excuses for us.

And I watch my mum still making excuses for her sons which all come back to "they learned how to be demons from their father and I am still fighting demons and playing a martyr game" but our family has never even been on a holiday together due to all the time and energy, and money being wasted on dysfunction. It's like paddling in a dinghy or driving a nice boat, having a psycho in the family is sorta choosing to paddle the dinghy when everyone else is sailing along in a boat with a motor.

I dont say this to upset you but to hope that you find the strength and clarity of mind to say 'enough is enough' of that behaviour. Be well and safe over Christmas.

@Lucky11 I feel I am on very similar

position to you with my husband diagnosed with Bipolar disorder; I’m so confused with the medication and doctors are not so helpful in explaining. I am continuously listening to podcasts to familiarise myself. One thing that is more and more evident is the need for a routing for people with BPD. It’s quite hard for me to drag my husband to do any exercise etc but some days he listens.

about to write on this forum is there a way we can all connect via a WhatsApp group ? [edited by moderator] I am new to this form so don’t know the protocol of connecting apart the chat forums.

Hi @Kam09 . Thanks for joining us here on the forums! It's great to have you here. 🙂

To answer your question about making contact outside the SANE chat forums...as per our community guidelines, it is not possible to connect with each other outside, as privacy is very important and having moderators here supports everyone to be safe and comfortable Guidelines and technical support - SANE Forums.

I hope that you will quickly experience the wonderful support that our members give each other which is pretty special and as safe and private as possible! You might enjoy browsing the topics and chats so that you can get a really good feel for it, to ensure you feel comfortable to share.

Once again, thanks for being here with us. 🌱

Hi @Kam09 Just seen your message and hope you are doing ok and your husband is to. Thanks for reaching out, I'm sorry to hear that things have been difficult with your husband. It can be exhausting and at times overwhelming being the support person of someone mentally unwell, I was talking to a family member about it the other day - and it's not their fault - but I don't think many people can truly understand the enormous toll that being a carer can have on our own wellbeing. I guess that's why having a space like this where we can connect with other folks who understand is so helpful - knowing that there are people who can lend some support and at times helpful advice. I hope that you are able to find time to do things that bring you peace and enjoyment as looking after yourself is so important. Sending you best wishes x

I don't think many people can truly understand the enormous toll that being a carer can have on our own wellbeing. I guess that's why having a space like this where we can connect with other folks who understand is so helpful ---- I totally agree @Lucky11

hello @Lucky11 , @TheOnlyConstant , @CM6 , @Kam09 . @8s8 @Ru-bee @MatchaToad @Sugarshack

how is everyone going today

and a thread to click onto is called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

Hello friends

wanted to ask if anyone has had seen with their loved ones who have mental health issues have had deteriorated memory and decline in cognitive abilities? Is this a cause of the illness or medicines ? Any good psychiatrists recommend in Sydney ? Sorry again I don’t knwo if this is something I can ask or not in this forum

@Kam09 I’m not sure I know anyone, but my suggestion is to maybe first discuss with your GP and find out if there’s any option first?

Good luck!