Heartathome

@heartathome @Realness @MissGremlin @ENKELI

Lovely to see you all on this thread. Its been a week since I could get online. I had computer problems but it seems to be fixed. I took it to a repair fellow and he had a magic, and didn't charge me but it only took him a few minutes. Hooray.

Addictive behaviours are tricky whether they are substance related or other things. I have had my struggles in the past, but most of it is a long way back, decades, mostly before child rearing. I need to manage screen time as an addiction, now, so in a way, not being able to use my computer was good.

Just catching up on notifications.

Yes, loving photos, camaraderie and good will.

@heartathome the forums are crazy with tech glitches at the moment, so frustrating. I have had the same issues. I wish they'd hurry up and fix it!

I always hid the fact that I smoked from church because I felt guilty. Ironically mums' very conservative old style church members were less judgemental than I expected.

I have known a lot of Christians who smoked, it's not always something God takes away from us despite what we're told.

You'll quit when and if you're ready 😍

Hello @Appleblossom

It's so good to hear from you! I've been wondering where you were and hoping 'everything' was okay!

I can totally relate to your screen time addiction. My phone is always either beside me or in my hand!

That's great that getting your computer fixed didn't cost you anything. They can charge a small fortune to press a few buttons...or turn the computer off and on again! lol My son is very smart with technology which is good for me because I don't have a clue! 💚

I have a very close friend who is really struggling at the moment, and I've noticed that their mood has been affecting my own. Because I care about them deeply, I find it hard to separate what they're feeling from what I'm feeling. When they're anxious, sad, or overwhelmed, I often find myself carrying some of that too.

Lately I've been realising just how much the people we care about can affect us emotionally. When someone close to me is hurting, I hurt for them. When they're struggling, I worry. Sometimes I find it difficult to know where their feelings end and mine begin.

I know it's important to support the people we love, but I also find myself struggling at times to balance caring for them while still looking after myself.

My experience has been that the closer I am to someone, the more their emotional state affects me. I'm learning that there is a difference between being compassionate and carrying the full weight of what another person is going through, but it's not always easy! Does anyone else experience this as well? I've taken a sedative instead of going back to my default setting for relief! 😔

@Chasingsunsets @Realness @Bunniekins @MissGremlin @ENKELI @Appleblossom @AlwaysMyself

Hearing you @heartathome, it makes so much sense, being a very caring person can be tricky in so many ways can’t it. Does your friend have a health professional they connect with?

Your post had made me think about when you are on an aeroplane and they give you the safety briefing- it includes when the oxygen mask comes down, put yours on first, then help those around you. If we helped everyone else and not ourselves first we would eventually pass out and then be no help to anyone else.
At the end of the day you are the most important, no one can care for you as much as you could, care for you, do what you need to so you can help others when you have capacity. Atm it appears you have so much on your plate that even though as much as you want to help it’s impacting on you too. I wonder how else your friend can get help for themselves? 💜

@heartathome i relate to this so much. Sending lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

My good friend does have some professional help @Chasingsunsets but is in full blown addiction. That in itself has changed our relationship! They also have untreated PTSD which has kicked in with a vengeance. It's hard to watch but I really love my friend and want to be there for them and want the friendship to continue. They have been there for me in the past and still ring me briefly every day to see how I am. We did have a routine before but now things are unstable and there are many distractions which has changed things for both of us. I try and tell myself that it is their life and their choices. I know there is nothing I can do to help the situation but to be there for them. I would feel so alone without their friendship! They try and be there for me, but it hurts seeing them in active addiction and struggling. I haven't been walking since daylight saving finished. If I want to catch the sunrise I have to drive down now otherwise, I'd have to leave in the dark to get down there in time for it. I miss the early morning walk but have no motivation to walk at other times. I hear you about taking care of myself first and I try. The trouble is when I think about them, which is quite often, it makes me sad. I think I'm grieving the relationship that we did have, just a few months ago.

On a good note, my partner is now in rehab, learning to be independent again. How he survived a perforated bowel and sepsis, two weeks on life support and a tractotomy is a miracle! Anyway, that's where I'm at, at the moment. Thanks for replying! You have been a good friend. Sending you hugs and much love, as always. 💜

@heartathome yes I am the same. Take on the feelings of others and it does affect my own wellbeing. I have to step away if it gets too much for me, otherwise I end up in a bad state.

Thanks @ENKELI I understand what you're saying and appreciate knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. I don't want to lose the friendship but definitly need to think more about what's best for me. I'm not one to walk away when a friend is struggling, especially when they have been so good to me in the past. I guess I'm not at that point of walking away but I know it is affecting my mental health! I'm not my usual happy little self. I still get to my sunrise every morning. That's a positive! Some peace and stability in my life. Sending hugs and much love, my friend! 💜

@heartathome it sounds like you are carrying a lot currently - yourself, your friend and your partner. ❤️‍🩹🤗. That is a lot to carry, especially as a deeply empathetic person.

I have at time in the past fallen into accidently taking on the stress from other's pain/stress, and learned how to balance the empathy and care with not taking it on myself (healthy energy boundaries). It took practice to notice when I was taking on emotions, and then making effort to process the emotional build up out of my system.

There absolutely is a way to both deeply care and support someone whilst still maintaining your own emotional and energy boundaries. But it can take practice. And there can also be times when you/we may not be able to show up in the same capacity at times (like @Chasingsunsets mentioned looking after yourself first), and that is OK and healthy and doesn't at all mean you don't care. (I myself have been mostly absent on the forums the past few months due to this capacity limitation, but in no way means I don't care deeply or think of people still. And when I do have capacity I come in and read/comment where I can, but still remain careful to ensure I do not push beyond my capacity especially if I feel I am vulnerable to taking on emotions at the time. I say this in case it is encouragement for you that it's OK to have times where you can or cannot.)

It is painful watching people make poor life choices. 💔❤️‍🩹. We can care about them, but we cannot make their choices for them. They must choose and live their own consequences. Hopefully they will see the harm in their addiction and seek help, and it sounds like when they want to turn their life around you wish to still be able to be there to help encourage them on that path.