Heartathome

Thanks for the reply @AlwaysMyself . I've forgotten if you're a female or male Should that make a difference? No Does it make a difference to me? No, it doesn't. I feel like you get me and where I'm coming from! You show a lot of empathy and understanding! I see you as a friend and you're always welcome here 🙂

But i don't think i was taught that it is *also* OK to still feel those thoughts and hurts Yeah. My sister and I would often talk about how we only 'allowed' to think 'happiness' all the time, so I guess all the feelings of sadness, hurt and anger built up over time.

I've had so much healing, but meeting kindness of the opposite sex (platonic) was a shock to me and required more understanding on my part. I don't usually let them in! I've become a sook lately! Any kindness can set me off.

I really didn't think anyone would understand or relate to this but was hoping one day someone would come across it who needed to read it! It's very vulnerable but out there now! 😬

@heartathome i am female, but i am not in away way "attached" to my gender as part of my identify. Its what i am, but doesnt influence who i am. Im not non-binary, because i dont see/feel a need to be. But if i was in the current social awareness of NB options when I was a kid, i probably would choose to identify as NB purely as a way to communicate clearly to others that I am *not girly* and *please dont buy me candles, cosmetics, or perfume* and please *realise that i am not interested about celebrities, gossip, or dolls*. Very few friends or family (other than my parents and sister) bothered to "get that" and adapt to treating me based on who I am and not my genders stereotypes.

I find it easier to accept deeper friendships with females - because our society expects same-sex friendships. But i have usually gotten on better with males due to my interests when i was younger.

I always have in the back of my mind with opp-sex friends that i don't ever know what the other person is thinking/feeling or their intentions, or if they may misunderstand my own. Thankfully most of the males i connect with beyond a surface level are people who are also quite direct communicators. So i have learned that I can be direct in stating that my friendliness is genuine and not with an intent for more -- esp with my male friends who are married/partnered. I think I've had 3 or 4 friends that i've said it too - they're all still trusted friends that i know also know the friendship boundaries.

I guess if it *were* a person i felt it was appropriate to have a relationship with, then i wouldnt mention it to them because i wouldnt want to close that door. But i also don't think i'd be able to distinguish between what of their friendliness was just friends or what would be flirting 😅🤣. I guess thats why i like being direct! Once i establish the rules with those others i can be free to interpret everything as just friends without any questioning of it!

If it ever happens that the friend responds badly to my directness, then it shows that they prob wouldnt be the best of deep-friends anyway because i like to be able to be direct with those types of friends.

So i guess it can also be a really good test for them??? 🤣

@AlwaysMyself I love what you have to say about being direct. I think people would say the same thing about me. At least people know where they stand. I like it when people are direct with me for the same reason.

I also relate to not being a girly girl. I have softened throughout therapy and have got in touch with some of my feminine side. Im still a bit of a tomboy which makes me happy.

I hope I didnt upset you by asking what gender you are. I know society expects woman and men to think and behave in certain ways. I like to think I accept everyone as they are. 💜

Oh, no, not upset at all @heartathome ! When i've played online anonympus games before many people have just assumed I am male because of how i interact and joke 🤣. 😋. I can understand curiosity, as well as it being part of innate "threat assessment" when past experiences have been adverse and lead to certain mental programming too.

You are amazing! @AlwaysMyself Thank you for being you! 😊💜

Are you asking AI the right questions for the answers you seek my friend @heartathome

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It's intelligent but also programmed to answer so sometimes the answers are just that.

If you asked me why you think bad about yourself I'd say or only coz your stupid but then that might make you feel stupid which could make you feel bad about your beautiful self so best I just leave it to AI

@heartathome you think a lot because your a compassionate caring soul.

If you weren't then zero shits would be given about anything except cruelty and putting others down to make you feel superior to your own flaws

@REDLINEZ750 Only you could get away with calling me stupid. 😂 I would like to post a finger to you (in jest) but I don't think it would be approved. 😉💜

oh post as many digits as you feel warranted my friend @heartathome im curious as to how ai suggests it gets done 😁