heartathomeSenior Contributor
Heartathome
@REDLINEZ750 I'm trying to make my own little space. Sometimes I realize there is no personal space on here. I know it's for our good but it kinda sucks at times! Are you okay?
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Heartathome
710 replies
In response to: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
This is my little thread @Realness
Feel free to browse and read. Be careful as some poems could have triggers! I'm glad to have you here! 💜
In response to: Re: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
This was written through my marriage. Whether to stay or to go, I really didn't know what to do at that stage. I left after eighteen months, after finding myself in this DV marriage!
Where Have All the Long Talks Gone
So much changed, promises not fulfilled
Superficial talking, intimacy killed
Alone and hurt, emotions ride high
Nothing said, inside they lie
The man I knew, exists no more
Materially rich, intimately poor
Tears are shed but are unseen
I cry for us, what could have been
What's the point, he doesn't see
Nothing's wrong, it must be me
Close your eyes, cover your head
It doesn't exist if nothings said
I can't move on, wanting to know
Important to me, to move and grow
Sick inside, esteem is low
When is too much? I really don't know
I'll go on till I can't no more
Love is now just one more chore
Thank God for Him, my only hope
I talk to Him when I can't cope
My best friend, with Him I share
All the pain I just can't bear
Things will change, that I know
In what direction, God will show
July 1996
@REDLINEZ750
In response to: Re: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
This is what I was looking for in my Christian marriage. I never did receive it! 💜
A Woman's Need
A woman's need is very simple
It needn't cost a cent
Men, take heed, I have a challenge
That may lead you to repent
A tender heart is what they need
Hard to find these days
Pretence will always fade in time
God will light your way
A tender heart, cry out today
A woman's dream fulfilled
Not a man in this world's eyes
This heart I know God wills
Look at Jesus, Isaiah says
Not beautiful to the eye
But how those women followed Him
Have you ever wondered why?
A tender heart, this man He had
Your aim to be like Him
Does your love flow freely
Or emerge as a whim?
A gentle smile, a tender touch
A kind word here and there
What's the message that she gets?
Does it tell her that you care?
She needs to feel wanted, desired by you
Tell her, "You still do it to me"
Your look, your smile, the words that you give
Are you beginning to see?
She needs to feel needed, important to you
Allow her expressions of heart
Her feelings, her thoughts, who she is as a whole
Aren't really worlds apart
Please listen to her with patience
Do your best to understand
Pray if you will, do what you must
But please don't shout demands
Tell her you need her as a friend and wife
A life without her would hurt
Your words will always leave a mark
They can build her up or crush her like dirt
Most of all, she needs to feel loved
Her self-worth affected by you
Your gentle smile, your tender touch
And kind words affect her too
You love her by your actions and words
And by the way that you lead
God will help and guide your way
A tender heart is what she needs!
May 1995
@REDLINEZ750
In response to: Re: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
I had this conversation with God in my mind while I was walking home from town regarding His love and my salvation. 🙏
Me: Do you really love me no matter what I do?
God: Do you really love your son no matter what he does?
Me: Yes
God: As I love you, only much more. If you, being a sinner love your son, imagine how much more I love you
Me: But I've got nothing to offer You
God: That's why it's a free gift
In response to: Re: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
@moderator I think this will need a trigger warning!
TRIGGER WARNING: INCEST TRIGGER WARNING: INCEST
Content/trigger warning
I wrote this poem to my uncle who was my perpetrator. 💜
Uncle
I trusted you with my heart
You used and exploited me
The potential life I could have had
Will now or never be
I honestly thought you loved me
I really thought you cared
But you fulfilled your selfish needs
I wish I had been spared
It's too late, it's in the past
Still, I find I'm often there
Watching again this horror show
In disbelief and despair
I'm sure you knew the fear I had
You could see it in my eyes
I believed in you and what you said
But all of it was lies
You disappeared and abandoned me
And left me on my own
I felt so used and unlovable
I had to cope alone
I hate what you've put me through
Because of what you did
I lived with so much pain inside
While you, you coward, hid
I'm so angry and deepy hurt
No revenge could satisfy
Nothing you could say to me
Would help me fathom why
Your selfishness destroyed my life
You have no idea how
To feel again I need to do
And I'm only learning now
I struggle with the thoughts inside
But they belong to me
They trouble me everyday
They're something you can't see
I needed love, my weakest point
You gave me sex instead
Do you know how many times
I've wished that I was dead
I want to make you understand
To explain what you've done
There are no words that can express
I feel like you have won!
Compensation can't fix my mind
Court is no use
There is nothing you could say
That could justify abuse
You might of well of killed me off
I'd be better off that way
Now I find I want to live
I am tortured everyday
I wish I could forgive you now
Let go and move on
To click my magic fingers
And find that it's all gone
Unfortunately, life's not like that
But I'm aiming to be whole
If for no other reason
Than to take back control
July 2000
@REDLINEZ750 @MissGremlin @Realness
In response to: Re: Heartathome
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
@heartathome oh sweetheart, i have no words other than I'm sorry. Sending so much love and hugs your way ❤️.
I wrote a poem this morning to reflect how I'm feeling and posted it in my thread. I didn't tag anyone though due to the sensitive nature of it but it's there if you want to read it.
In response to: Re: Heartathome
liminalzestModerator
Re: Heartathome
@heartathome I've just added that trigger warning to your post.
Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable poem.
In response to: Re: Heartathome
heartathomeSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
Thanks' for putting up the trigger warning and your encouraging words @liminalzest Can you fix the support button as well! lol 💜
In response to: Re: Heartathome
liminalzestModerator
Re: Heartathome
@heartathome you're welcome and as I know you know but always good to remember be gentle with yourself.
I wish I had the tech ability to do something about the support button, but I'm told that it's an on and off problem - hopefully on again soon! 🙂
In response to: Re: Heartathome
RealnessSenior Contributor
Re: Heartathome
Dear @heartathome ,
I have just spent a couple of hours reading your poetry. It's a bit like watching a movie of your life. I've not watched Lolita - I'm thinking about watching it so I have a better understanding. Your poetry shows it never goes away. I loved the poems about your marriage, your stepson, your childhood and even the 70s. It was like I was right there in the moment.
What I love most is that God's forgiveness - both receiving it and extending it - gets a repeated mention. Thank you for sharing your poems.
