Am I just really lazy?

Gday @Chantarelle I can relate from my last place, my life got a lot better when I got housemates to "keep me honest". Have you thought about hiring a professional cleaner/organiser? They don't judge the mess, they get in there and fix it, and a good one will teach you how to maintain a level of cleanliness. They can clean and teach, but it will be up to you to do ongoing maintenance. I reckon if you paid someone to clean your place up, whether or not you continue it you will have a new lease on life from dealing with the object of shame that is currently hidden in your place/spare room.

Re Christmas festivities I feel similar in that I am not at all excited with the concept of going out to celebrate Christmas with strangers/work people. Do you really need to go? Can you make up an excuse such as your old aunty is coming to town on that day and you need to see her before she dies? Only you don't have an aunty and she's not coming to town. You're just conveniently hiding from the extra burden of the Christmas function which is less restorative than watching TV/doing nothing.

Last but not least, good luck and good on you for taking the time and energy to post, mental health is a tough nut to crack but one day you realise you're doing better than ever or, screwing up less than before when you instill good habits into your life.

Hi @Chantarelle,

please do not think of yourself as lazy. It sounds like you are doing a lot - working full time and making an effort to socialize - that's already a lot. If you have been struggling with anxiety and depression, then it makes sense to me that cleaning your place would be a big chore and something that you would put off. Believe me, there are parts of my house that I am not proud of, and I only work part-time.

Mess is just mess, but I sometimes find it stressful to look at, I guess.

Can I ask if you are getting any support for anxiety and depression? I don't want to intrude but I am here to chat if you want to.

Hello @Chantarelle and welcome.

I share similar struggles, except I'm no longer working.

Laziness? Dunno about that. It's complicated. Depression, disengagement, losing track while distracted (a type of dissociation?), having past trauma triggered by the stuff you're dealing with, and sheer overwhelm.

I actually started a thread about it The magic of tidying .

I keep trying, and have set myself a goal of at least an hour a day. I use a mood & activity tracker for my bipolar and I do feel better when I'm coping better. It's a work in progress, and it's a marathon with long rest breaks rather than a sprint.

Could I suggest starting small? Eg give yourself 10 minutes to gather water bottles to put in the recycling. Or on the weekend give yourself a 10 minute window in which you load the washing machine for an extra load, once you've put through your work clothes for the week. Sneak up on it. Then read.

I also hear you about not unpacking. I have stuff in boxes dating back years. Do you feel at home? Safe, secure, as though your place is a sanctuary worthy of respect, and that homecare is selfcare, and you're worthy of that love and respect? I've struggled, and have come to realise it could come from very old maladaptive schemas. I guess I've experienced trauma and neglect from an early age and it's ingrained. I'm with a therapist who'd like to work with me on it but it's a bit daunting.

@Chantarelle happy to see you here and I hope you make friends and get the support you're looking for. There's also a thread @NatureLover started for hoarders and germophobes. I'm not a germophobe but admit to being a (hopefully recovering) hoarder... again a work in progress.

@Sugarshack @DahliaDreams @Dimity

I thought I ticked the box that said email me replies and I was a bit depressed when there was no notification. So I've just seen these replies which are amazing and very appreciated. Will reply properly over the rest of the weekend when I've had time to digest and think of responses. Thank you all ❤️

Hi and welcome, @Chantarelle . I think that anyone with depression (including me) struggles to keep their house neat and clean. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

Dimity's Magic of Tidying thread might be a great help, I reckon. Also chatting with us here 🙂

My bathroom basin and kitchen at this point in time are awful. I would be intensely ashamed if any of my friends saw them!

Having said that, I've found recently that inviting people over helped me to keep the house neat and clean. When I stopped inviting people, it deteriorated.

Thanks @Dimity for tagging me.

Hi @Chantarelle , how are you feeling after posting here the other day?

I hope you are doing OK.

I was ashamed of what I wrote about the state of my bathroom, so I cleaned the basin today. If you like, we could work together on something, if you think that might help? It always helps me.

Hope you're OK too @Dimity .

@NatureLover honestly, I'm finding that writing all this down, and even just thinking about this forum is really overwhelming. And the little adrenaline rush from yesterday has worn off. I really wanted to reply to each of the kind and helpful responses here but I'm feeling really sucked of energy today.

But I'm aware that's all surfacy stuff and a reaction to actually thinking about things for the first time in forever. I think deep down there are huge positive shifts and I look forward to posting here regularly.

Congrats on your basin! I can absolutely relate to how embarrassing the state of a bathroom can be. Thank you for sharing

Hugs @Chantarelle . Take your time. Come back if/when you're ready.

Well done @NatureLover .

I understand you feeling overwhelmed, @Chantarelle . And change is scary! So thank you for your response.

We are here to support you if and when you want to engage.

@Dimity is thoughtful and helpful and a great listener.

@Sugarshack

Thanks so much for your reply. I have thought about getting cleaners in but for me that kind of defeats the purpose. I think I'd feel like I officially lost, or that I quit. Though I understand the value of what that reset would look like. And although they might not judge, I'd still feel really ashamed. And when I think of what I might ask someone to do for me I realise that it's all stuff that I absolutely CAN do on my own. Posting here for the last few days has been so exhausting for me that I for once am actually owning that I need to be gentle and to go slow, instead of just saying those things.

Christmas drinks are during work time so very hard to get out of. And if poor old auntie dies then I just need another excuse for next year. Though I'm not looking forward to it, and I'd rather not go (which is the same as anything work), it's actually easier to just get it over with than try to avoid. I might come here to decompress on the Saturday though.