alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Thank you @AlwaysMyself that really felt nice to read, I hope your doing well

Check out the size of this wabbit @Bunniekins @heartathome @Chasingsunsets @Cuddlebear @Flutterbug9 @MissGremlin @Mustang67 @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @fruitisgood

That's a part of the reason I like you. @REDLINEZ750 Your honesty! Not all men are monsters. It just feels that way. My son is a gentle and sensitive man! What are five positive things about yourself?

These are five of your qualities that I can think of offhand. Am I wrong?

honest

loyal

empathetic

humorous

caring

You may have a hard exterior, but I don't think that's what's inside. It sounds like hard, hot work! you used to do! Don't be sorry for 'hiding' your substance abuse! You didn't lie. I don't think you come out easily. You needed to trust me first before you could open up. It took me six years to tell my psych that I was using an illegal substance.

I know you would never deliberately hurt me and it goes the other way around as well! 💛 I think this will be my last post tonight. My vision is blurred and need to go horizontal Love from the happy hippy hugger 💛

Omg @REDLINEZ750 it looks like a really nice place you are at, the nature is awesome that cool bird, the ?wallaby and a lovely view. I know nothing like home but it does like peaceful there ☀️

Thanks for sharing 😊. I hope you have had a good night

@heartathome

Regarding " I can't really afford it anyway! I'm thinking of going into a clinic to quit but he thinks I can do it at home. "

Good luck with it all. It can be hard to change, but if he thinks you can titrate slowly at home, dont underestimate yourself.

I have never been able to get into a hospital public or private, but sadly I have visited others in them a lot. Do wot ya gotta do.

@REDLINEZ750 Love your pics. As I am in the suburbs, I really appreciate even just getting a sense of country from forum interactions. It is weirdly grounding for me.

Yep. I also have had a car flip over while I was driving. In early 1980s. SCARY. I didnt see oncoming traffic while turning right. Was in intersection and not going fast at all, so god knows what the other car was doing. Car was full of my noisy family, probably distracting me. Was on learners, so it put me off driving for a while.

A couple months ago I had a lady tell me she was "brutally honest", while being so confused she was lying about an event and an interaction. I am really tired of virtue signalling, high status over confident people, but I guess I also have to forgive and forget. She "thinks" she is supporting me, but doesnt even get how much she has gaslit me. I do think she is a decent person though, so I cop it on the chin, again.

How much is honesty, how much is avoidance or deception, and how much is over sharing? These are all tricky questions and far from B&W.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend of my son, that was the opposite experience. I tended to trust men more than women, cos I was so hurt by all the exclusions, slipperiness, vanity, and pettiness of females when I was at school. Cos of the orphanages and foster homes I moved 15 times. SO yeah, Not much of secure friendship group. Was so glad when eventually my secondary school got a proper library, then I could hide out there. So, only really trusting females, from the relationships I have had on the forum, so in the last 10 years. In the last 5 years I actually have some irl female friends now, but its hard work.

My bottom line is that motor bike riding, (17-20 years) gave me transport, dignity, friends, knowledge of the countryside and mechanics and lots of lovely experiences. It probably made me a better driver, inspite of the rollover incident.

On drug use. I am over it. I used hard drugs 16-20 and I am bloody proud I am still alive to tell the tale. Bloody proud I got myself off H on my own. Yeah! Not impressed that doctors still discriminate against me and treat me like dirt cos Some dude was just telling me all white people won the lottery. I think he is a little bit with the fairies. He didnt see the conditions I lived in. I was homeless at 6 and 16, and even on the forums, it has been hard to get empathic responses to my story. Nay mate! Bwing on H was helpful for me in meditation. I actually had some tranquil experience to be able to get my brain to relax. Glad I took LSD too. First drug I tried. My life is just too hardcore for cutesy types. That said. I do have low tolerance for abuse, violence and criminality. I saw enuff on the edges, that I was repulsed, which was a good thing too. Got people off dope too. Lived an interesting life. Shared a joint with Jimmy B and Nick Cave come around my house one day looking for stuff. I didnt even know we had 6 foot beautifully headed plants in the back yard. I was too busy working and studying. But dont presume I had a middle class privileged life. NUP. Boy, have I had to listen to middle class whining. Its partly why I appreciate the rawness and truth of the forum. Give me a Break!

@Chasingsunsets @AlwaysMyself

@REDLINEZ750 @AlwaysMyself @heartathome

Love that you listed the Greek words for love. I often talk about agape ... at church ...I

love the old greek classics ... I have a lot of the plays and philosophy ... the guy who grew the groovee plants did a major in Classical Civilization and after he died. Sadly. He did complete suicide, I got his books.

I have never thought of you having had a privileged life @Appleblossom. Thank you for your thoughts on my future endeavour. I'm also straight down the line and my psych once told me it's not what I say but how I say it. I'm trying to practise love with it, especially when I report my support button not working to IT!

I'm glad that you've got some female friends now. I agree that maintaining any friendships/ relationships requires work. For those who have been traumatized by their past, are required to work a lot harder! I'm happy that you could get off the drugs. My sister was on drugs too and gave me a warning not to put anything in my arm! I had an old bikie tell me the same thing. I never have!

it has been hard to get empathic responses to my story. I'm so sorry that's been the case! Sometimes I find some stories are too overwhelming (where I am mentally and emotionally that day) and have to bypass them. I get overwhelmed quiet easily. Sometimes I'm at a loss for words!

So, it's Saturday. Do you have any plans with your son this weekend? I hope you're day brings you some joy somewhere and that your son is thriving. 💛

@REDLINEZ750 aww what a cutie Red! how are you going hun? i hope it is all going the way you want it too. love to you my friend, bun. x

@REDLINEZ750 I hope you have a good one! What are the participants like there? Have you connected with anybody? 💛

@heartathome I really appreciate your response. Its enuff from you. Dont worry. You are relatively new, and do a lot of caring, and also try to lighten things with humour. Thank you.

The crazy thing in my life, is that there was so little care, I actually took people hitting me up as a level of care. They were showing something and there was physical contact. Its how it can be for kids dumb enough to be in care. I heard about lots in the orphanages etc etc. It was just everywhere around me. I didnt drink alcohol as I saw too much drunken anger, but not in my family, just generally around the place. I didnt use much or for long but had hepatitis twice. Its in my medical records. Done by 21. Hmmm. I am sick of feeling SHAME and being treated wrong. I have also gotten on with life and achieved a lot but still rejected and treated like dirt by a lot of snobs.

@REDLINEZ750 Sorry for my blurt. Dont want to derail your thread and make it all about me. I thought you might even feel some peer support and be kinder to yourself about AOD and honesty and stuff....

@AlwaysMyself @Chasingsunsets @Bunniekins

@Appleblossom I'm interested to hear more of your story. I have picked up bits and pieces of it from various posts, and i can tell it is a very long and challenging life with lots of unfair treatment and adversity. *hug*

If you're happy for me to read more about it, is there a past post that outlines it all in one place? If not, thats Ok - i can slowly read through the thread i know as time permits of to pick up more of it and understand your background better.

Hope you, @heartathome , @REDLINEZ750 , @Bunniekins, @Chasingsunsets and others are having a good/reasonable day so for.

My friend came, we did some experiments testing out a few moulding/casting materials (which are noe drying/setting), and has left.

Now i feel exhausted from the 3hr interaction. Still feeling rather dumpy today too. Going to lay in bed and rest, maybe even manage a nap, to pass time. Later i will try to do my laundry and pack away the craft mess. Hopefully i will be in a better mood after resting.