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alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

REDLINEZ750Senior Contributor04 Dec 2025, 4:28 am AEDT

alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

this will be my last sunset from my room this summer and this is my last night where my lion demands my attention and through one look says you packed that bag again how long dont think i dont know.

i just want to say in one spot not over many threads im not afraid because of you all.

i am only able to take this journey because of you all and you need to know you really are valuable part of peoples lives even though not in person you are somehow more real than those with faces.

hell you even have faces in an aura presence kinda way i notice if you guys havent noticed every individual has various struggles every day and somehow know where the support is needed more from a post and that person is shown care, support comfort and given space to safely share what ever they do or dont want to while sharing laughs, positive picture things and genuine care for each other.

i could go on

iwont

need try sleep last night in my bed this summer too and its ok because you my forum family have been taking my rants and fears and insecurity,raw unfiltered over sharing and knowledge of my mistake with patience understandinfg and without them things id still be falling because no one else was reaching to slow me down and find a path back out.

on upside im no comms for at least 10days so i want to post this here for you guys so all know you are appreciated, you know who you are and @moderators all of you, peer guides and supports really for me ive felt such a sense of belonging i thought was lost by losing contact with family.

not one of you asked why i need to do this you know, think about where else so many people dont want to know such things as a whole, for someone thats struggled with addiction since 15 i noticed it and its a first you are truly non judgemental and have made a positive impact for me so please know your worth.

i also thought if this is here you and i know where to go see the pookinator if you want see him before i get to again.

im only going tag a few so it doesnt look like i missed a few out im going leave a shitload out and i think they will tag others and so on and if not maybe they stumble acyoss it, sorry for typos and grammar just smashing this out and lying down few hours with me mate before car gets here 7.50. deep exhale

@tyme @TAB @Glisten @ENKELI @Chasingsunsets @MissGremlin @heartathome @Mustang67 @rav3n @Appleblossom @AuntGlow @Shaz51 please let those not here know i meant nothing by leaving them out and all the support team are part of the family i speak of as they see more than others hehehee night guys will try get on before handing phone over

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In response to: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

ChasingsunsetsSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 4:24 pm AEDT

Re: Re:one where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Hey @REDLINEZ750 @just passing though and wanted to stop by and say a quick hello and know we are thinking of ya and hope you are doing ok 🙂

also hello to you lovely @heartathome 💜

In response to: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

REDLINEZ750Senior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 5:28 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

I knew you were 65yrs young my friend and I reckon if acting only involves a lot of heart then you'd own that shit @heartathome because your heart flows through your communication in honesty and care and yes I'm happy and smiling your at home not for any other reason than I know your safe

Content/trigger warning

Car had different ideas brakes weren't aligned and back locked first when it came round I knew it wasn't good got off the brakes somehow made the 180 turn but was happening so fast all I knew is was going back wards sort of jumped straight back on brakes back wheel blew rim hit the tar and when I undone seatbelt upside down I didn't move from seat the thing was upside down roof was touching dash engine sounded horrible I turned it off couldn't see from dust and glass particles quickly tried get out after everyone said they were ok im glad that tree saved you as normal a thing it might be to say I say it with meaning for if the world operated like the movie sliding doors I'm glad to be on the side that led to you as a forum sister to me

@moderator not sure if flipping the cruiser needs a warning as I didn't get charged and no hospitalastion for anyone however the crash that killed my youngest brother was a single car fatality and I'm aware of people having trauma that may not be as dramatic as tumble rolling a cruiser at 80ks when everyone walked away I just explaining by lived experience I understand my friends fear of driving after rolling a car I'm just not smart enough to learn like she was

I tumble rolled a land cruiser at high speed once arguing with someone in back seat that had been pushing my buttons for days this time I had enough on the open Rd I hit the brakes with plans of a big dramatic lock up ending in me getting out opening their door pulling them out and telling them find own f#@$@@n way to work and start walking. Car had different ideas brakes weren't aligned and back locked first when it came round I knew it wasn't good got off the brakes somehow made the 180 turn but was happening so fast all I knew is was going back wards sort of jumped straight back on brakes back wheel blew rim hit the tar and when I undone seatbelt upside down I didn't move from seat the thing was upside down roof was touching dash engine sounded horrible I turned it off couldn't see from dust and glass particles quickly tried get out after everyone said they were ok im glad that tree saved you as normal a thing it might be to say I say it with meaning for if the world operated like the movie sliding doors I'm glad to be on the side that led to you as a forum sister to me @moderator not sure if flipping the cruiser needs a warning as I didn't get charged and no hospitalastion for anyone however the crash that killed my youngest brother was a single car fatality and I'm aware of people having trauma that may not be as dramatic as tumble rolling a cruiser at 80ks when everyone walked away I just explaining by lived experience I understand my friends fear of driving after rolling a car I'm just not smart enough to learn like she was

Central Coast I always thought of as north coast just coz it's north and it's coast never thought much of the central part

Newcastle is Newcastle pt mcquarie is Nelson Bay and the rest is just driving to far to see more of what already been passed .

I'm glad you stayed home I'm close to Central Coast I think maybe closer to Sydney but it's been very heavy raining thundering carrying on so good you safe at home.

Do you prefer I post on other threads to communicate with you?

I don't mind and I still haven't googled transference your psych said I am

Dinner time sweet sour pork or dimsims simosa spring rolls

I already know I'm going 1 of each will decide then which one I get seconds of if I can pull it off with my smile 😁

Very happy your safe and your hearts at home @heartathome

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Ru-beeModerator12 Dec 2025, 5:38 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Hey @REDLINEZ750 I appreciate you tagging the mods. I have popped a spoiler tag, just incase the details shared may be triggering for other members. Very glad to hear everyone was okay, though I'm sure something like that would stay with you

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

heartathomeSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Yes, I'm safe! I'm in a good space @REDLINEZ750 My psych and medication take care of that! I have his mobile number if need be. You help me a lot too! My days would be a lot lonelier without you. My trouble is I don't like asking for help

TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING

Wow! 😲That turned out disastrous! I love your details, especially when everyone walked away. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about your younger brother. 🫶 We walked away from mine as well. I remember getting a lift back with a motorist who was drinking while he was driving. I just prayed that God would get us home! It was a winding narrow road, at night and raining. Someone cut me off coming the other way. My sister was with me, and we were talking about things that she was getting suspicious of. I might have been speeding but I had travelled that road twice a day for a few years, so knew it well. They didn't stop. I wrote off my 'new' car! My first car with aircon. Datsun 200B I think they called it.

I'm on the far north coast, a couple of hours to the Queensland border. My sister lives just north of Sydney.

Do you prefer I post on other threads to communicate with you? It doesn't worry me where I talk to you. I guess we're being watched no matter where we are! 😆 I'll still put my poems in the poem thread.

transference - is a psychological phenomenon where feelings and attitudes from one relationship are unconsciously redirected onto another person. That's what AI tells me. My psych was saying that about me, not you.

I talked to my son about 'us' and his first concern was for you. He was unsure if I was leading you on. After explaining my feelings to him, he understood that you're more like my SANE best friend and brother in Christ! He thinks it's great that I'm able to connect with someone and if it happened to be a man, that's okay! 😜 😂 He also said I can love a male friend. He's very wise and I appreciated his feedback.

It's beautiful up here at the moment. It's raining and turning to night. I like to hear the rain again, as long as it's not really heavy. Still traumatised from flood.

Time for my dinner. I'm having microwaved roast chicken and vegetables. Six minutes. Voila. Dinner. No washing up. Mango yoghurt for dessert. I'll say goodnight for now my friend 💛

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

If it helps at all, @heartathome , many of the people i find f2f that i click with easiest are males (and i am female). I dont consider gender with regard to friends, only healthy boundaries. And if i'm ever concerned, i just slip in things around being friendly and clicking well "as friends" 😉.

I have a male friend coming over tomorrow morning probably, and *gasp* without his wife! 😂 ive known him longer than he has known his wife lol. Ive know her since he met her too as friends lol. Just a solid friendship.

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

heartathomeSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Thanks @AlwaysMyself What does f2f mean. I've seen it written around heaps but can't make any sense of it.

I dont consider gender with regard to friends, only healthy boundaries. And that's the way it should be!

I can't remember ever having a male friend before so it's new to me! I tend to hang with woman, where I feel safe. I think @REDLINEZ750 and I have been honest with each other up until now, so there is no miscommunication between us. It has taken me some time to figure out what I was feeling. I feel an emotional connection that I've always felt was wrong (with men) when you're in a relationship with another. I think I could have gotten it wrong! I agree with what my son said, although he's a loner himself. His support worker is a female who he loves (there are many different types of love) and respects.

When I was in a Pentecostal cult, a male from the church came around with his wife and I was in my PJ's. Even though I'd show more skin in shorts, he refused to come in. Yeah, I have issues with men! I find it hard to trust them. No fault of men in general but that's how I felt. My partner is very different in many ways and has always treated me with love and respect. I've been with him for over 22 years. I will never do the wrong thing by him. He needs me and I promised his mother I would look after him before she passed.

How are you doing tonight? 💛

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 9:09 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

@heartathome

Sorry, f2f is shorthand for "face to face" (as opposed to online or phone). Im a lazy typer when i'm on my phone lol.

I can relate to not trusting males in my past too. I am grateful for a family friend (husband and wife) who i was able to grow to know and trust as a late teen, and in that deep friendship learned that *he* could be trusted, so that meant not *all* males were perpetrators. From there i was slowly able to trust my gut about people and decide which people i felt safe with or not. My instinct hasn't failed me yet.

I agree there are many types of love. We only have 1 word in English, but from memory the greek have 5 or so? Describes different types of love.

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

heartathomeSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 9:23 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

@AlwaysMyself

Greek names for eight different types of love

Agape - unconditional, selfless love

Eros - Romantic or passionate love

Philia - friendship love

Storge - family love

Xenia - hospitality love/ kindness to strangers

Ludus- playful love (not Greek)

Pragma - Enduring, long-term love

Philautia - self-love

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

REDLINEZ750Senior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Umm @AlwaysMyself & @heartathome for what it's worth I don't trust males either, I know it's a strange thing eventually I will address it in therapy I suppose I have hated/not trusted adult males my whole life I get confused that I am myself the same monster but I'm not a monster it's why I think females are only people I really trust.

In psychology therapy gp all of it but it also gets me subject to a lot of false perceptions from partners and the like when I have only trusted a person they get jealous and I walk away because I don't like hurting people coz that's what learnt men do growing up all I can do is try remember I'm not a boy anymore and then I get in trouble because I am strong and I don't mean that. In a vain I'm all that type of strong I mean it in a I been construction demolition labourer for over 35yrs mostly formwork concrete steel fixing strong I can't fight for shit, I never been taught to I have just been in fights before, but I've also received many workplace injuries so I am used to it [edited by moderator]

I honestly hate how because of people that are dishonest say they are honest causes legitimate doubt when I say I have never mislead any of you nor intend too I have always been honest well I guess I just gave reason to call bullshit as I hid my struggles with substances ugh I leave now I'm sorry I only mean to be honest I call a spade a spade I tell the truth even if it makes me look bad usually other than that with you guys sorry

In response to: Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor12 Dec 2025, 9:38 pm AEDT

Re: alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

@REDLINEZ750 i love your honest, openness and flow of thought 🤗. I don't feel you have been dishonest at all. I guess i dont know all you have said on the forums either lol, but i certainly wouldnt say that "not mentioning" substance abuse or addiction was being dishonest. It is always your choice what to disclose or not; what you feel safe to or not. Fearing judgement or shame can be real barriers that are really hard to overcome.

The way you write comes across authentic to me.

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