Why is there no support.

@Ramman that's great! i think having that support worker/OT will be great at building up your daughter's confidence too.

sucks about the wait, but got my fingers crossed it'll come through soon 😊

@Ramman I absolutely agree with your comment. That would be reckless at this point in time. It's great that she is studying PT. That's a goal for her to work towards.

Are you able to let her case manager know that she has recently deteriorated?

If her case manager is aware, but not actively doing anything about it, could you insist she see one of her Doctors soon, perhaps her medications need to be reviewed?

Do something for yourself that is kind to you. I know she is probably the most important part of your life, but remember she is not all of you. You still exist too. It may not feel like you do, but you are still there. Something that brings you either comfort, relaxation, joy or connection, that you can do at least once a week. It truly is important for your own well being 🙏

@Rana8

Yes I have let her former case manager know.. She did respond after 36 hours suggesting that her studies and her sister in hospital (also MH) could be contributing.

But there was no real solutions.

I am going to try and get her an appointment soon as possible/.

Hi @Ramman - it was lovely to see some of the replies to your original post on here.

In response to you, do you think your daughter would be willing to engage with someone and/or services that can provide someone for her to talk to, be her friend and support her in keeping herself safe?

@Ramman I wish you all the best, I hope a Doctor can see her soon and do something
I truly understand your suffering. My Son was very similiar for about 8 years, he is finally starting to have some break throughs and some motivation. But I know he could slip back at anytime. And I just have to accept that I can't predict the future. I have needed professional help myself to deal with the trauma of it all. Mental health is so heartbreaking, and difficult to live with and to treat. So many more resources and research needs to go towards it. And when you are in the thick of it, you have absolutely no energy.
So, I honestly wish you and your family all the best 🫂

Hi @Ramman ,i love the support and advice others have already given, and i won't repeat it myself.

Speaking as someone who is/has been the suicidal daughter of a very caring mother who has tried to support as much as possible... Being unable to "fix" the problem, or being burntout and exhausted and needing to prioritise YOUR wellbeing is not "failing her". I can't know how it has fully impacts my mother, but I've been grateful knowing that she does take care of her needs, energy and self-responsibility. I am aware that I am in the extreme-percentile of empathy-consideration for others, and the idea of my mother destroying her life to try to help me is not what I'd ever want.

One thing my mother has been able to do is help enpurage me to get supports where I need them - psychologist, home-help, etc.

When she is able she will also help, but when she is needing rest she can pull back knowing I have the basics (shelter, food, a counsellor to talk to, and the openness to wake her up at midnight if i need to in a crisis-level state).

From my perspective, the key is whether your daughter wants help (or is at least willing to try). And if not, what would it take for her to be willing to give it another shot?

For myself, i felt able to persue what is to be my new attempt at recovery only because I know I have my mother's backing. I'm taking time off work for as long as i need (even if I run out of paid sick leave - this is where my mums support is crucial, for accommodation) to try to reengage emotionally with life. Its scary! What if I recover but realise I cannot work and sustain adequate MH? I don't know - but I will cross that bridge *if* its the case at the time, because I KNOW my mother would prefer to pay for my living expenses with her than for me to not exist anymore. Knowing that is her *preference* and she is prepared that it could be the situation is transformative to knowing its OK if I find myself but also find myself limited in work capacity. I had never been able to accept that as a possible solution until she offered it as an option.

@Rana8 , I am not a parent but I live within the "alternative communities" as a mature person and, I have seen first hand how the "depressed and mentally ill" kids cycle through, living at and being enabled by their parents, through to the phase where the parent downsizes the house/retires/dies/needs care themselves. The kids simply don't grow up because they have never had to, yet they tend to survive and thrive once the parents stop the enabling loop of immaturity and dependence.

This is coming from a perspective of someone who does a lot in the local community for anti-substance abuse and direct aid charity and does a lot of support for people who find themselves without their parents in middle age.

The parents are most times well meaning yet, independence is the adult form of humanity and where there is a perpetual dependence that relies on a physically and financially exhausted aging parent, it does no favours for the child to shield them from their own self care responsibilities as an adult as once the parent becomes elderly and/or dies, the kids are more alone than ever and they simply have not learnt life skills or coping skills.

No thats "not nice to hear" but its "not nice" to meet middle aged adults who have simply never been released from a childlike caretaking role from their parents.

hey @Sugarshack @Rana8,

thank you both for sharing your experiences. you've both had your own journeys, either as a carer/parent or even as someone who's involved in and supporting the community. i think ultimately, it's really emphasises the tricky line that parents supporting their kids have to face - are the kids getting too codependent and lacking self-regulation tools? or is having someone to depend on what's necessary to keep them safe right now?

everyone's journey towards recovery has their own pace. for some, it may mean that they need extra support in their adult years, but yes, there can be pros and cons. in some cases it can shield someone and make them co-dependent like @Sugarshack but in other cases, having that extra support can help them build self-confidence again like @Rana8 shared.

sometimes we might generalise/make assumptions based on our personal experiences. it can be helpful to take a moment to recognise that and step into being curious rather than assuming someone's story 😊

@Sugarshack CC: @Rana8

Do you have a suggestion on what this is. When is the time to start showing 'life is tough/real' ?

I mean every family/parent will need to draw a line when they expect there child to have left the nest by.

Currently my rough feeling is no later than 3-4 years after starting full time work (after all studies are finished) or 30 what ever happens first. This is to allow them to save up for a deposit on there own place. Of course they are free to move out when they want; as long its to not to the streets.