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Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor07 Mar 2017, 6:39 pm AEDT

Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

I am really struggling today due to my mental so-called 'ill health'. I hear derogatory voices still willing me to take the path of self destruction. It is really winding me down and I feel so exhausted because of it. I went to the GP today to see why on my latest discharge summary from the hospital, they didn't mention schizoaffective at all, just depression as my reason for admission. My GP said it must have been an error as I am definitely schizoaffective. I'm also thinking I am seeing things again as I see things that don't seem to interact with the evironment around it. Usually this means it is a hallucination. I feel embarrassed reality checking with others all the time (even though right now I have to I guess, even though I seem like an idiot). I am aware of an electric shock feeling through my body and don't know what it is from. I am confused!

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In response to: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor14 Mar 2017, 12:48 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Hi @Former-Member and thanks for your insightful reply.

I do practice mindfulness when, like you said, symptoms are mild. If they escalate too much, then I find mindfulness practices fly out the window. I have a number of mindfulness based apps on my phone and also a number of meditations on CD (my favourite is 'leaves on a stream' by Russ Harris).

It's interesting you mention Wellness Recovery Action Planning (WRAP). I've been meaning for a number of years to complete a short course on the subject. For one reason or another, I've never actually gotten there. Now I have moved to the city, I should be able to find a practitioner running courses near to me. Something to look into 🙂

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor16 Mar 2017, 9:19 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Well folks today was the day I saw my psychiatrist for a post hospital review. Seems at the moment I am 'moderately elevated' in that thoughts race and I can be disjointed and run from one thing to another. I didn't even know I do this! Came as complete shock to the system! So I don't quickly know how to count backwards from 100 in sevens. After 93 things become hazy. I also couldn't correctly name the last 5 prime ministers! I hate mental state evaluations!

I'm exhausted though. Emotionally worn out. I am always heightened awareness when I see him, mainly because I know just as well as he does that he can take away my freedom in an instant. I am sure I am not alone there!

Hallucinations wise, I've been told that I must be resigned to the fact they'll never completely leave me, ho hum te dum.... lucky me (first world problems I guess).

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 7:55 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

London Bridge is falling down. My moderately elevated state has ended with a thump! I just hope it doesn't go too far the other way and turn into a depressive episode. Fingers crossed.

In response to: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

KurraSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 8:34 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Yep @Queenie. It tends to do that! The higher you go the further you have to fall. 😆

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 8:39 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Unfortunately I know this far too well @Kurra. I am hoping I just don't fall too hard this time. I have so much to look forward to, but I feel the darkness looming. I simply cannot afford to fall to pieces this close to my commitment ceremony and commencement of study.

In response to: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

KurraSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Try to get out and walk quite fast @Queenie. The activity helps release endorphins which should start to lift your moid a little bit.

The clue for me was to do the opposite of what the depression was telling me to do. For example, Don't get up, you're feeling awful. (Depression talking) . Kurra would come hell or high water get out of bed and get going. Yes it is hard but that system saved me many a time. It is important however to act on this as early as possible. The slightest signs of an impending depression is when I start doing the opposite thing.

It's an absolute b....ch @Queenie! 🎶💕

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Unknown userMember18 Mar 2017, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Hi @Queenie

ugh, sorry to hear that things are crashing down a bit! 😞 I like @Kurra s mantra of doing the opposite the depression is saying but oh my gosh thats hard! How ar things going otherwise queenie? are you making plans for your upcoming wedding?

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

QueenieSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Hi @Former-Member, plans are coming along for the big day, we picked up our rings today and I bought my outfit yesterday.

I think I will make a decent attempt at doing what you sggest @Kurra. I need to get those endorphins going. I also think my cutting way down on the amount of sugar I normally consume could be playing with my mood a bit. Sugar withdrawals.

In response to: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

KurraSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 9:12 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

I've found having no added sugar makes a huge difference @Queenie. I use almost no processed food and cook everything from scratch. I'm very much a savoury tooth rather than a sweet one so that certainly helped. In just a few days those withdrawal symptoms should fade away. Good luck with it all. 🍀 🎶

In response to: Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

Unknown userMember18 Mar 2017, 9:16 pm AEDT

Re: Oh no not again! - schizoaffective disorder ramblings.

wow!! How exciting with the rings.

Well done on cutting down n the sugar, but yes i can imagine the withdrawals would be bad!

are you going ok tonight?

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