Hi @Former-Member
I am glad I asked so you could explain to me - I didn't think you were giving up on your daughter - only it seemed that was the advice you were given - and I know many people abandon their children into the the DHS which is not a good place to be
Our son was made a Ward of the State - really - I needed to have the support of the system - so alone - and his father was not helpful - he was brought up in a family of women - his father was in the war as a Marine Engineer until 1949 actually - he grew up without a father to guide him and this is no training for a young man. And the man who would have been my FIL died young too - there are sad stories in all sorts of lives
But as a State Ward I did not lose my son into the system - he was very much around - but most of the time went somewhere else to live
However - when he was in the Juvenile Justice Centre - and I had to tell him that I could not help him any more - that he had broken the law - it was too much for him. And I had a talk with the workers there - and they asked my son how often some of the other boys saw their mothers - and some of them never - and then they asked him how often I visited him - 2 - 3 times a week - the penny fell then - but he was too troubled,
I understand what you are saying about your daughter - in a bad relationship and being lazy - and I am so glad you are staying with her - do you know the difference between supporting her and enabling her? - my ex and I went to a Twelve Step Programme - Tough Love for the families of people who abuse drugs etc - and I never gave my son money except for the phone call I sewed into the small pocket of his jearns - and he would be off living his depressed and unhappy life and I could not see his way out of his labyrinth- he was in a terrible state of despair
So I know you are struggling with all sorts of issues and your love for your daughter shows - it comes right through the internet onto my screen and into my heart - how does this work for people? - how can we get them away from those things that drive them down and away from us?
Thank you for your kind words about my son - Tough Love means putting up the boundaries and enforcing the rules - it is very hard and sometimes the children die and our son did. As heart-breaking as it all is - even 30 years later - I know he was in a terrible place and that he is now at peace - and as the years pass I am finding some too
Maybe your daughter will eventually see what this man is doing to her - unfortunately the less you say the better - I rebelled when my parents drew the line about my husband to be - I did not interfer in my daughter's affairs - her marriage seems to be very sound - my sil is a man I respect
All the best with your daughter - and it is good to share - it is very hard to know what to do -
Decadian
What are you up to? Whatever you're doing, share it with us on Sunday Funday.
. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring and supportive mother and father. I know you wouldn't give up on your daughter and its very sad that people have to go through this alone and when they need people the most.
