I used to be crippled by shyness and had no idea how to socialise. I could fulfill responsible roles and work or study or look after people ... but to be me ... was an agony I struggled with for decades.
I have often avoided people ... been totally tongue tied stutter ... or go blank a lot ... then tried to be logical and copy ... ie people ask about star signs I learn about star signs to try and fit in... cant really get into it ... and also didnt realise I was surrounded by bullies and had a difficult life story.
But I cannot believe how many really lovely chatting on train stories I have had in the last few years. Nothing has become permanent but I am also ok with that. It is the lightness and simple spontaneity when packed into a crowded cubicle of 4 or 6 people. I dont need to drape a swag of friendships as conquests or proof that I am a good person. Today I chatted to a young student from Adelaide and on the way home a couple from Malta amidst a football crowd.
When I first started train travel about 5 years ago I used to initiate conversation, but now others choose me ... I know they deliberately come and sit and I am ok with quiet or a natural conversation if it arises.
Occasionally I had felt crippling fear and embarrassment about whether I was being appropriate, but it has been over a year since I felt that. I think I have finally lost a lot of my self consciousness and can just like people without being scared of rejection or saying the wrong thing. There are some advantages to getting older ... I wouldnt be a teenager again.
Anyway ... that is how managed to deal with it.
What are you up to? Whatever you're doing, share it with us on Sunday Funday.
