In a bad way right now. Don't know what to do. Again.

Hi @EternalFlower if you don't mind me asking - and totally feel free to not anwser if you don't want to - but hoe do you mean "beating yourself up"? I guess you mean negative thoughts, but how/where do these come from? And how can you seperate them from a "real" negative thought and a "beain myself up" negative thought - IE what's the difference?

@Jlol really happy to answer and apprecite the question but its a big one for me so i'll give it a considered reply without promising very soon!!!

Thanks @RachSANECEO
With the group meetings does anyone "MC" them?
I've often found that with many support groups 2 or 3 people dominate the conversation and the rest don't really get to say much.

hi @RachSANECEO at the risk of getting in trouble for "challenging authority" - the person mentioned in their intial post they'd been off the forums for a bit as they had some trust issues and were tryng to work through. I truly worry that advocating new programs might be a bit much for someone just exploring the service and trying to establish safety. I fully respect you were meaning well and also see you are extreemly senior but i just wander if maybe when soemone's vulnerable too many program ideas could be a bit hard. No worries if i'm wrong. the recovery club does sound cool so i was wandering if you are trying to recruit ppl and how ppl find out about it. Thanks

hey @Jlol i think i overcompensate, when things are out of control, or there has been a breach of trust, or someone has let me down, i go into self-destruct mode, and pick apart how I chose this situation, and every horrible choice i made that led to it. I blame myself and criticise myself internally for my choices. I think its a trauma response when something is very wrong in my life and i feel alone, like a scared child. For some reason, blaming myself feels easier, than acknwoledging a system or person who failed me. Who perhaps had a duty of care to help, and didn't do so, and then didn't step in to that role with ethical or kind care.
The world is complex, but I tell myself if I could just have been better, smarter, quicker or whatever, i could've stopped everything. Kind of like a kid who blames themselves for a parent leaving. A very sharp, complete rejection of myself rather than a nuanced look at the situation, my part, others part ,and things i couldn't have changed.

Thanks @EternalFlower
Yeah I am pretty suspicious of non-anonymous support (when it comes to the "s" topic).
It easy to for organisations to say "it's safe to talk about su***de here", but (in my experience) if you talk about it too much, or the "wrong" way they are obliged to call emergency services due to their Duty of Care of protecting their employess (note - a Sane employee told me this: the "care" in Duty of Care is for the staff's wellbeing and legal liability).
The issue I have is that firstly, what can trigger an employee's Duty of Care response is open to interpretation and different for each person. A few months ago I was "duty of cared" (not by Sane) and I didn't say anything about any intent to suicide, just that "work makes me not feel like being here some times".
The 2nd, and bigger, issue I have is that here in QLD you are "arrested" if you have someone trigger there Duty of Care on you (alright, not technically arrested, but taken away by the cops, put in a paddy wagon, and locked up in a triage ward for 6 - 12 hours before being sent on your way).

I understand that organisations must have rules around what to do if they believe someone is going to su***de, but I disagree with the dishonesty when they say the offer a "safe place" to talk about it. Safety is not having your door broken down, being yelled at or hit by police and carted off.

Organisations should make this very clear that this could be a possibility if you engage with them. But they just don't, so how can I trust them?
It can be argued that police or emergency services need better training, but that's not within organisation's control. Nor should it be an excuse for knowingly causing distress or harm to someone who is trusting you. If I were to let a known vicious dog of a leash and let it attack someone, it's not an excuse to say "I'm sorry that happend to you. It should of been better trained".
Anyway, sorry for getting on the soapbox. I'll reply to your other message in a moment (PS it's not letting me "like" replys anymore for some reason)

@Jlolits pretty humiliating being sectioned i gotta say....ive had it happen as well but not often. They usually remove it pretty quickly

I feel it is absolutely dependent on the experience and confidence of the clinician and no onebwants to end up with someone reactive who triggers high levels of input from police for an innocent comment. I called psych catt last night and it was ok. I trust and then dont trust.

@Jlol you are absolutely deserving of a life where you're respected and loved. perhaps setting some goals towards them might help? (i.e., reaching out an old friend and asking to catch up?)

i think i remember @AlwaysMyself once suggested the Alt2Su groups, would that be something you would give a go?

hiya @Dimity! the glimmer thread's a great suggestion too. when our mind's in a dark place, it's often hard to find some light, but when we do practice looking for it, it can really make a difference hey.

also @Jlol in terms of the RecoveryClub program, i'm not 100% sure if you're allowed to use a fake name in the zoom but i know that some people use nicknames.

you have the option of keeping your camera off. the facilitators give everyone the opportunity to speak, but say if you'd prefer to speak more/less, they're happy to accommodate. there are guidelines for these sessions, somewhat similar to the community guidelines here (the facilitator will walk you through it) - and yes, the facilitators do have a duty of care. it's totally up to you if you want to give it a go, there's no pressure!

@EternalFlower appreciate you looking out for Jlol! these are just some options, there's absolutely no pressure to try them out. we're just hear to provide more info/options so that yall can make the choice around what would be best for you 😊