Reality vs illusion.

Sometimes we must concede the battle and the war lost, sometimes our pain is to extreme, you can hope and pray, and give for a lifetime sooner or later your body and mind will fail. I spent a lifetime trying to avoid and ignore all the abuse and lies and betrayals, the laughter and the rest but on a long enough timeline you can't help but accept it all because it's all you know no one has ever seen you or treated you any different.

sometimes, some people just are not meant to be.

Hi @Redraw and @Former-Member

This is a very dark and deep conversation - weekend philosophy and observations of life....

@Redraw what i want to say to you is that I really appreciate your contributions on the forum, even the darkest ones. You make me think about things from another perspective and you are very real about your life.

This is why I am glad you are here 🙂

kind regards,

Frog

Ones darkest darkness is not to be feared what is a concern is what a person does with it, while my heart, mind and soul is constantly torn asunder I cannot harm another for my own perceived comfort, so my life sucks, so I only know and have only known loneliness, hurt, hate and betrayal. I know I am worth more I will probably never experience it but somewhere below the pain I know it

the more one tries to hide from their pain and hurt the more likely they are to fall victim to it. When the shadows come we run.

its the old scene used in many a movie the person running and running the further and faster they run the more distant the end, that's the idea of the illusion same principle done in so many ways with so many things but no matter what you can not escape it.

Conundrums befall a straining mind, what is right what is normal what is good what is bad, I have my own standards standards that appear to be of only value to me, people abusive, dangerous, violent and hateful are popular and revered those that aren't are ostracised and denigrated.............does that seem right? I guess if we look at ourselves as purely a predatory animalistic society revolving around an alpha male then yes it's right, for me that requires a complete disregard of evolution, will, potential, which would in turn mean that a complete disregard for my beliefs, values and morals would be required for me to fit with society as a whole and to be liked, it would mean becoming agressive in all endeavours, violent physically and emotionally, cold, callous, basically without conscience or respect for anyone or anything, laws being just a guideline to what to break to be worthwhile.

I cannot be that creature, I find value in depth of character, in peace, in honour, in respect, in compassion all things that especially in a male are completely without worth, there perhaps will be those that will oppose such thoughts but sadly it's true, though I have added complications which add to my complete hopelessness but we must play the hand we are dealt.

People desire aggression, arrogance, even violence and brutality, I made a choice in my childhood that causing violence against, oppressing, abusing, brutalising people whether in social settings or in relationships was not good nor right but it would seem I was wrong I did notice that early around my early teens, that such things appealed and were attractive to people yet I held by my values thinking that there would be people that were deeper less simple yet i continue to be proved wrong.

people live for and desire merely the visceral, I have much depth were I provided the freedom I could show so many sides to myself yet people have no knowledge or want or care to know who I really am.

i am set for a very lonely, very painful, very empty future, but I would rather suffer than become that which I despise, if nothing else I have my dignity, loser, worthless, freak, but has his dignity

sitting in the dark, "shhhhhhhh they'll hear you"

so quiet.............

what I dislike is that such things have a premium attached. People are interesting chaotic creatures they just seem to not have evolved or advanced in the slightest,