Up for a chat?

Just saw your reply I’ll stay up @AlwaysMyself and send a response hold tight 💚

I don't "recommend" this as reading unless you are in a good headspace and do not get triggered at all by any degree of SI. But if you want a bit of background as to where things are at for me, I gave the PSW a bit of an update the other week here

https://lifeline.saneforums.org/t5/Managing-thoughts-of-suicide/TW-The-real-me-inside-I-come-with-an-SI-warning/m-p/1768685/highlight/true#M9670

@Chasingsunsets

Might explain a bit.

Oh that’s disappointing to hear re your GP. It does sound like a new one with “fresh eyes” might be beneficial and I guess if you didn’t like them you could always return to you current GP, but I really hope for you that you find someone supportive that comes up with the ideas for you and actively listens to you when you mention your thoughts of SI.

A month of leave sounds like a pretty good amount of time off, I am glad the new area is better than where you were working that caused that high distress. Hopefully they will be able to find you the same area you were walking in before you left or somewhere different.

Sorry I don’t think I have been aware to this full extent what was going on for you and for that I am really sorry 🙏.

I am wondering if you have spoken with your counsellor on your feelings from your holidays?

Not sure if I am able to ask but if your on mental health meds do you think they are working as well as you/ your GP and counsellor expect? Just a thought

I am sorry you have never experienced joy, would that be something you’d want to work on when in the time and space?

Re SI just want to check in you are ok tonight?

I’ll wait for your reply here if you are still awake then I’ll have to hit the hay 💜🫶

I just saw this link @AlwaysMyself, thankyou! don’t worry about me, SH/SI is nothing new for me it has been my story as well so can definitely relate to those feelings 💚🙏

naturally though always like a check in make sure your ok, you are an awesome member of this forum always one of the first to send beautiful supportive msgs, I hope we can in return support you 🫶

Its ok to grab some shut-eye @Chasingsunsets @Till23 ,@ I'll be safe. I have very good self-control

Yeah i try not to mention the degree of my MH on social threads because it can be quite confronting and i worry it will cause distress to others. So anytime im "that honest" it will be in that Space and my little thread there.

My counsellor knows about my feelings from the holiday and my plans for next years options. So does my GP.

Ive been on my current meds for 14 years (max dose level). Nor sure if they do anything. May even be a side effect of them that i dont feel any pleasure? Apparently it can be, but ive only just come to know this. Had a medixation review with a psychiatrist in Jan, but they reckon what im on is still the best option.

Thank you both for staying up with me tonight @Chasingsunsets @Till23 . At least i feel supported, even if i dont see a sustainable solution for next year onwards once my sick leave ends - unless the clinic trial dramatically changes my experience of anhedonia to be able to experience pleasure/enjoyment/joy/happiness. But i guess i cross that bridge then. Until then as long as i am being paid sick leave and my medical costs dont increase, at least then I'm not quite going backwards financially, im scraping through.

I'm going to put on an audio podcast and see if i can drop to sleep eventually with it as a.distraction. good old 3hr podcasts lol, they usually last longer than my inability to sleep does.

I will definitely save you thread and I’ll check in with you tomorrow/ later today lol 💜

Which thread would you prefer the check in be on?

I am glad you are safe, did you see the toolbox thread? From @avant-gate I found it super cool actually, I have suffered with MH most of my life but not sure I recall making kits but think it was a cool idea!
Mot sure if that would be something you’d be interested in? I can tag you if you haven’t seen it 🙏

Yes I also thought the same either possible loss of effect or they are not giving you the pleasure re side effects. Definitely interesting to think about hey. were you feeling like this is Jan on your med review?

Righto off to hit the hay. I am wondering if you are feeling any better than before? 🙏

@AlwaysMyself , a podcast sounds like a really good idea. I’ll make sure I pop in a bit later which ever thread you prefer 💜

glad we were able to chat 🙏

Checkin in either thread is ok @Chasingsunsets , i dont mind which. Thank you *hugs*.

I saw the toolkit post briefly, but not read peoples replies to it. May do so after some sleep. I have a tote bag of "activities" that i can grab and take with me to somewhere like a cafe or safe place if i want - a book, a crossstitch.. i think thats all in it. I can't put my painting in there lol. But i did set up my painting earlier today so that i would have something easily available this weekend to do at home between my housework chores.

Yeah, psych meds review was because i was just as bad as i am now 12 months ago - the only difference was I was still more.willing to live for others' sake a year ago. Now i need to find my own reasons to. But still the public health system had no services they could offer me other than the psych review cos of meds not been reviewed for more than 10 years.

Ah yes @AlwaysMyself I forgot only 5 for chronic disease. I had one for physio after I finished my second cancer treatment. As you say, there are usually gap fees and I did pay those.
Sorry I fell asleep writing this, then it wouldn’t post it!
It’s ridiculous that these plans are so limited. Would you be eligible for NDIS?

Yes, bulk billing for psychological services is almost unheard of, the psychs where I live have all just put up their prices! So not sure what I’ll do after my 10 sessions (where I will pay a substantial gap fee) are up.

I hope you are able to get good physical and psychological relief from having some time off from work. I was burnt out just before I retired and it was the reason I retired early.
I am glad you have found a counsellor that is more affordable.

You give so much support on the forums I am glad you are extending that compassion to yourself by taking some time out for recuperation

Just read the chat between you and @Chasingsunsets and I see that you and I seem to be experiencing similar things at the moment.
I hope you are/were able to get some good rest. I’m up shortly for sport training and then an appointment I will try to check in after that