Crying again

@Carebear glad to hear the retreat was good!! are you planning to go to more in the future?

so sorry to hear that he had another outburst, that must've been hard and exhausting for you. sending you gentle hugs 💙

what usually helps you regain that sense of normalcy? i also do want to check-in to see if you're able to stay safe at the moment?

@rav3n The Retreat is held once a month which is good. <br><br>This time around, for me to gain some sense of normalcy, was to cry in private (I honestly don't know how I got through my work day - I still went to work). Then because I'd been crying most of the day, that made be physically tired but still mentally unable to switch off. So I took a depressant and a sleeping tablet and managed to stay asleep through the night. The next morning I was still zonked from the medication. So much so that when I went for the usual morning walk with our dogs, I found myself having to lie on the ground a couple of times and fall asleep. I managed to finish the walk, then got ready for work etc etc.

@Carebear oh that's great! have that to look forward to each month would be nice (but i can also see that it's hard knowing it'll upset your partner too). i am glad that you make this time for yourself, you absolutely deserve that space.

crying is such a good way to release those emotions, but i definitely see how it can be exhausting too. oh gosh, that sounds pretty intense, are you still feeling that heavy exhaustion now?

if there's anything we can do to support you, pls do let us know 💜

@rav3n

Yeah, I'm feeling numb today. My partner is visiting his friend interstate (this was planned months ago) so I feel that I can now relax, as in that I don't have to hide in another room in the house when I need to cry etc.

hugs to you 💜 @Carebear

is your partner away for long? i am glad that you get some space to drop the mask and let things out freely now.

i hope it's okay for me to ask, no pressure if you don't want to answer - is leaving your partner an option you'd consider? is it something you want to do?

@rav3n

He is away until Sunday.

Is leaving him something I want to do? No. Is it something that I would do if it got really bad (open to interpretation about what 'really bad' would be determined as)? Probably.

I would at this point in time just want him to get professional help.

i hear you, and i can see that you really care about him getting support @Carebear

sometimes we get used to being treated poorly that our idea of what 'really bad' looks like might get skewed. what once was bad may seem like the new normal, which can be tough. you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. i know that you want to be there for him, but i also hope you remember that your safety comes first always. 💜

is there anything stopping him from seeking professional support? has he reached out to a professional in the past?

@rav3n

He has in the past, regularly seen a psychologist. But that was just so he could show DVA that he was 'getting treatment' in order for him to get his Full DVA pension.

And just like clockwork, after I had a venture about my stressful workday, he told me that I was ruining his day and that I was full of 'bad vibes'.
This is after he has just come back from visiting his friend and they were both 'out of it for days on drugs.

But it seems to be OK for him to be in a bad mood and take things out on me?...My head is spinning.

ahh i see. is he under the impression that he doesn't need professional support at the moment? or that he's just not ready to reach out again?

that would be so frustrating to come home to and hear!!! @Carebear you definitely did not deserve to be treated that way, and i'm sorry you were. hope you're able to get some space away from him for a bit just so you can breathe and look after yourself? might also be a good time to give Open Arms or 1800RESPECT a call/text, you absolutely deserve the space to chat about your feelings free 💜

Hi @Carebear,

I really hope you've been well and that you've had time to rest.

How have things been lately?