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Shoulder to Shoulder: Veteran Families

Crying again

CarebearSenior Contributor22 Sept 2025, 7:15 pm AEST

Crying again

TW: criticism and threats of violence

Hi, I'm back again.

Content/trigger warning

My partner is an ex-navy who has PTSD etc. The latest argument is that I keep stuffing up making dinner. I made Stir Fry tonight. He said it was (and I'm quoting him), Shit, where is the Olives, where is the broccoli, why are the vegetables so small.

I am so stupid. I shouldn't have followed the recipe which says to thinly slice the veges.

Sometimes I get the dinner 'good' and sometimes I get it 'shit'.

I can't seem to get it right 100 percent of the time. It's not good enough.

He has said that if I don't get it right that he will throw the dinner against the wall and that I will have to leave.

My partner is an ex-navy who has PTSD etc. The latest argument is that I keep stuffing up making dinner. I made Stir Fry tonight. He said it was (and I'm quoting him), Shit, where is the Olives, where is the broccoli, why are the vegetables so small.I am so stupid. I shouldn't have followed the recipe which says to thinly slice the veges. Sometimes I get the dinner 'good' and sometimes I get it 'shit'. I can't seem to get it right 100 percent of the time. It's not good enough.He has said that if I don't get it right that he will throw the dinner against the wall and that I will have to leave.

33 replies

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In response to: Crying again

rav3nSenior Contributor07 Oct 2025, 6:29 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

hey @Carebear just wanted to check-in to see how you were holding up?

were you able to get some support? 💜

In response to: Re: Crying again

OaktreeSenior Contributor07 Oct 2025, 7:35 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

Hey @Carebear

I just read through this thread and I am a bit worried about your partner's behaviour.

I grew up in family violence. Nobody deserves to be treated the way your partner is treating you. It's not about the dinner!

In response to: Re: Crying again

CarebearSenior Contributor08 Oct 2025, 12:08 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

@rav3n

I did manage to get some support via a Counsellor at Mates for Mates.

In response to: Re: Crying again

rav3nSenior Contributor10 Oct 2025, 11:39 am AEDT

Re: Crying again

glad to hear that 💙 @Carebear hope your week's been going okay, any plans for the weekend?

In response to: Re: Crying again

CarebearSenior Contributor10 Oct 2025, 12:27 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

@rav3n

Tomorrow I'm going to attend a retreat. It goes from 8am to 12pm. [edited by moderator] There will be various types of Yoga (eg Standing Yoga, Lying down Yoga) and Meditation (eg Sitting Meditation, Walking Meditation).

Looking forward to attending it. I'm just apprehensive about what behaviour I'm going to encounter from my Partner when I return home from the Retreat. This is because whenever I do something for myself or something fun, he manages to 'throw a tantrum' about something and that brings the mood down.

In response to: Re: Crying again

rav3nSenior Contributor10 Oct 2025, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

the retreat sounds amazing, i'd love to try something like that @Carebear have you attended similar retreats before? i hope you have a lovely time there 💜

that makes sense, especially after you've spent the day feeling peaceful/calm, it would suck to have that ruined by his behaviour. are there ways you could potentially avoid it? (i.e. spending the night at a friends/family member or avoiding convos around the retreat/downplaying how it went, etc)

p.s. i've slightly edited the first line of your post to remove the details of the retreat (as it's an upcoming event, other members may be able to identify you/find your location tomorrow so i've take it out just to be safe).

In response to: Re: Crying again

CarebearSenior Contributor10 Oct 2025, 3:17 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

@rav3n

Thank you for editing the first bit. I wasn't thinking about that side of things. I've not gone to a Retreat like this one.

I could downplay the Retreat I suppose. I shouldn't have to though.

In response to: Re: Crying again

rav3nSenior Contributor10 Oct 2025, 4:03 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

no worries at all! @Carebear would love to know how the retreat goes for you 😊

absolutely, you shouldn't have to. we're here for you so feel free to reach out if you need a vent/chat/distraction, etc. 💙

In response to: Re: Crying again

rav3nSenior Contributor21 Oct 2025, 5:32 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

hey @Carebear how are you holding up? how'd the retreat go?

In response to: Re: Crying again

CarebearSenior Contributor22 Oct 2025, 2:54 pm AEDT

Re: Crying again

@rav3n the retreat was good. Apart from that my partner had another outburst so I'm trying to regain normality

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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