AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

That’s sounds like a good idea for the kids. @tyme. I’m going to attempt to work on it. They usually have a sleep of an afternoon so they’ll be ready to listen! Pix is a really good listener though, if only she will stop scaring me and stay breathing properly. Jetts just off with the fairies and has no idea what is going on in the world around him. It’s just all about him.

@Captain24 that's the nature of it hey - my coping skills and self-talk also suffer when I'm dealing with a lot of stress! Then the foot-in-mouth disease can indeed worsen 😅

That 'silly' feeling is the discomfort I was talking about. And yo, me too lol I felt oh so silly when I first started doing stuff like this! The socialised shame is so powerful, we can feel embarrassment even when no one else is around. Totally normal. But you know what? I am so, so proud of you for having a go! And maybe you're not quite up to the stage where you can look into your own eyes in the mirror and say nice things to yourself. I know that can be very hard to do at first. So don't stress if you aren't at that point yet.

Another little one you could start with is like, when you're writing a post, if you notice something you can try to reframe, softly say the reframe aloud. I think the reason it helps is because our brains will begin to believe things as true if we hear them repeated enough. When we say it out loud, we are thinking it and hearing it. And that way, we are giving more power to the thing said aloud than we are to the initial thought we're reframing.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I am learning a lot more about it and the ways I can try and work with it not against it

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Yes yes yes!! On ya 💜

I was going to say that I was embarrassed but I thought that sounded stupid! I’m so glad that it makes sense @Jynx. You have no idea how that has helped settle my mind. To make it normalised.

I can try and say the reframe out as I’m actually writing it. That’s not quite so intense. I’m getting better at the whole reframe thing. I’m thinking about it more but typing is a lot easier. I actually did it with my psych the other day, I’d say something and then think about it and repeat it with a reframe. She was impressed.

The mirror is a long way off. I need to be able to actually look in it first. I can’t in the bathroom after a shower as what I see is horrible. Then actually looking at my face is a disaster too. I don’t even look in the mirror when I do my hair. Another work in progress I guess.

@Captain24 not at all stupid hun! I get it, and I am glad that it helped you feel more 'normal' for me to talk about my own journey with it 😋

Oh yay!! I am glad your psych commended you for it. And it's awesome that you are able to do it in other spaces too! See how you go with it, and also don't be hard on yourself if you forget or don't have the energy some days 😉

I used to hate my body too hun - combination of being a bigger kid, and the gender dysphoria. I used to catch sight of myself in the mirror and not recognise the face looking back at me. Have you come across the term 'body dysmorphia' before? Our thoughts and narratives do actually influence how we see the world. The more I worked on self-acceptance, the more 'attractive' I found myself to be. I put it in quotations cos it was less about being attracted to my own face and more about becoming familiar with it, I suppose?

Anyway, my personal understanding of body dysmorphia is that it warps our view of ourselves, to the point where the image we see in our mind's eye isn't actually what other people are seeing. Like as an example, I was going through some old photos the other day and saw that I wasn't actually as overweight as I had perceived myself to be at the time. I was by no means skinny, but the image of myself that I remember was of a much bigger body, and much uglier face.

So like, the only real difference from then to now is that I'm slightly skinnier, stopped dressing like a girl, and have a mohawk now. The face is the same, but I am different. And well, it feels like it's my face, and I don't mind seeing myself in the mirror now!

All this rambling is I guess to sorta say...even if you don't find yourself attractive, doesn't mean that's what others see. And that, as you walk through your recovery, your perceptions may just shift... 😁💜

It makes sense with my psych to repeat what I say to reframe it. Ots not the same in life though. It was funny.. one session we were talking how my mood had dropped but other things went with it like I was angry and stuff. She asked if I dropped my medication (when I was reducing one) I exclaimed ‘I am f’ing idiot’ she asked me if I wanted to reframe that and I said no and laughed! So did she @Jynx

TW: Eating Disorder

My mum always said I was a singly as a hat full of arseholes. So seeing myself, that is the way I look. I have horrible hair that only looks ok when it’s straightened. So there isn’t much good in me.

I went to a beautician once and she told me I had a lot of hair on my face and it was ugly so she waxed it. My GP said to get my face waxed to have a little more confidence in the way I look but I’m too embarrassed to. I’m embarrassed about the hair but embarrassed to get it fixed.

I so wish that I had even half the confidence that you have in being able to accept who you are.

I’m sorry @0ddsidian. I didn’t mean anything by it. Please don’t think so. It’s ok if you want to step back from me for perceiving the wrong thing.

I get there needs to be changes as everything needs to move forward but the anxiety and stress of what could change is so hard. It’s ok for me for things to change in the background but any forum changes scares me. I’m glad it’s staying the same for now.

I hope I can be compassionate. I’m getting up early the morning of surgery so I can clean my house so I don’t have to do it straight after, I’ll have 2 or 3 days. Just resting opens my mind up to a lot of unhelpful thoughts that I have been pushing away by staying busy with things. While I have been trying to sound better deep inside it’s not and I’m scared that the thoughts may come up if I’m not doing stuff. The distracting myself has been working as I’m seeing things so differently to what I’m feeling deep down. It’s like there is two sides of me currently. I am working really hard in the side I want to come though though. I’m not sure any of that makes sense.

TW: eating

Im glad it went really well. It sounds like such an amazing idea. I’m wondering how I can use it in my life. She got me to do the quiz too. I came out as a dove but don’t really see it when you read the description!

Thanks for recognising what I’m saying it actually shows me that I’m growing even though deep down I’m not. It’s like an internal conflict. Just add it to AuDHD! So many conflicts. No wonder I’m exhausted!!! 😂

I really don’t know that this post makes any sense at all. I’m really sorry.

@Captain24 might not be the same 'in life' just yet, but that's one of the benefits of getting that space (and this one too) to practice! It's just harder to put into practice in other areas of our lives at first cos the 'scripts' we have are super context-dependent a lot of the time. Like for e.g. I find I struggle sometimes when with family - I feel like a kid again and it can seem like all my progress goes out the window sometimes! You'll get there 😋

I do totally get that. Body image issues can run soooo deep, especially with how the beauty and fashion industries have capitalised on 'if you don't look like this you're unattractive and worthless'. I love this quote I read somewhere, "Any time I feel 'ugly' I ask myself, who is profiting off this feeling?"

I dunno if it's any consolation to hear this, but the person I've been seeing lately is a big woman, and she has a condition that means she grows facial hair. Society would tell me that I'm, idk 'settling' or something absurd like that - but that's not how I feel in the slightest. I feel unbelievably lucky to have found her, and I think she's gorgeous - when she smiles, it makes my whole heart sing!

So just try to remember, even if you don't find yourself attractive, it doesn't mean no one ever will. Maybe you're just not your type!

Also fun fact, a LOT of women grow facial hair - some more than others, that's all. I literally have two lil long boi hairs growing out my chin!! Sometimes I stim with them, just sit there stroking my 'beard' like hmmm yes, quite... 🧐🤣

Maybe a little step is to try to look to something small that you don't dislike about your appearance - for instance, I saw you chatting earlier about how your skin tans really nicely. That's a lovely thing to acknowledge! 💜

I get the kid thing! @Jynx. I feel it too, however my parents treat me like one. So it’s like I’m back to square one. There was one time that we went up to Hervey Bay for a wedding. We took Pix and mums dog at the time. We got all the way up there ok, the wedding was good and then we started to travel back home. We stayed on the Sunshine Coast and mum had the shits. She said we were going to Coffs Harbour and then home. I didn’t want to, I wanted to see Noosa as I had never been. Dad told me that mum wants to go so I couldn’t go to Noosa. My words were I can go on my own. Dad was instantly ‘no you can’t’ I had to tell him I was a big girl and could travel in my own. I had to pull rank as I wasn’t allowed to go. This was only a couple of years ago!

Body image is so bad. I’m stressing about the surgery as where they need to go and the fact that they can see my body!

I love that for you and I love that for her.. someone being able to see a person for who they are! That is beautiful!

A lot of women do. Mine is pretty bad but not a condition. I sit there and pull the hairs out of my chin when I’m stressed, bored, overstimulated or under stimulated! So pretty much all the time 😂.

I guess.. I do have skin that tans easily and the dermatologist said that my skin is beautiful. I don’t know how I never moisturise it.. I hate moisturiser!! It’s the aboriginal skin. She asked me if I was indigenous after looking at my skin.

@Captain24 oh yikes, that's rough to feel like you have to advocate for the fact that... like, you're an adult haha you can make your own choices!!

Don't forget, medical professionals have literally seen it all. Think about how often they've probably yanked strange objects out of people's behinds! 🤣 Still super valid to be feeling ooky about it though. Hopefully the staff will be super friendly and reassuring and maybe make you chuckle a bit to help ease any tension 🤞

Aww ty! Yeah she makes me so happy. And maybe there's a lil Jynxy-like gremlin out there for you! Someone who sees you and loves you for who you are, not what they wish you were. I've been in a lot of relationships where that was the case... this one feels different 💜

Ahh bit of the ol' trichotillomania! Haha not saying you have that, I just think it's fun to say. I used to pluck my leg hairs a lot - the lower part of my shins are kinda bald now 😅

Ahaha I hate moisturiser too... except now I think I have to use it cos my skin started getting dry and flaky all the time. I just hate how it feels on my face! Ew no, slime.... like sunscreen, struggle with putting it on!

I’m so happy for you. @Jynx. I really am.. I hope it really works out for you.

I doubt there is anyone but I’m not sure I want anyone anyway.

I’ve always plucked hair, on my legs too. Mostly it’s my chin now.

I hate the feeling of it and I hate when you get hot and sweat and it gets all greasy and slimy… yuck. My skin is so dry too. I really need to use it. I’m wearing shorts in Tuesday so I guess I should!

I know they have seen everything but not me. It feels like a violation!