AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

Exactly. You can't rush this sort of stuff, @Captain24. I personally don't see a broken body part and mental health as the same thing exactly, but you can't rush the healing after trauma any more than you can rush the healing of a broken bone.

The writing motion is great! I've heard that writing things down helps because you're reading something, potentially hearing it said outloud, and then also the physical motion of putting pen to paper.

Maybe your window is a bit small at the moment. Mine was TINY last night. I became so incredibly overwhelmed by my clothes and holding my bag and all sounds. I changed my clothes so quickly and hid under my doona for a couple of hours to help myself regulate. How's the resin going? I think the Window of Tolerance thing is good because it acknowledges that we can be both over AND under stimulated. I think people often forget about understimulation.

I reckon I'd absolutely agree that you're compassionate. I've also noticed you dipping into other threads and supporting other people a bit more this week, which is amazing! (0ddsidian is LURKING tehe). I don't think anyone is saying that you need to be constantly actively compassionate with everyone around you. Putting the compassion-energy into yourself might be more useful anyway 😉

Re. the reframe - Not bad. Definitely better! How about "I CAN BE a people pleaser and CAN have trouble standing up for myself...". Only small tweaks though. The rationale for changing it to "can be" is because it acknowledges that you can change and it removes doesn't just label you as a people pleaser. Nice work!

I like the vision for the mosaic. Could the grout be falling off because it's a wooden box? I've never grouted something on wood before but I do know that it's hard for some things to stick to wood. I wonder if there's a YouTube tutorial about grouting something on wood 🤔 Sometimes bigger things like plates can be easier, for sure. Less fiddly little details.

I really like putting thought and effort into gifts for people. It brings me a lot of joy!

I am so white that I'm borderline reflective, Cap. Nothing makes me look tanned. Might as well make myself look like a gothic Snow White 🤣

I did a really long response about SANE's RecoveryClub on another thread earlier. Feel free to look at that to learn about what that program involves, because it also involves groups. No toxic positivity here!

That really was a lovely positive post. Please remember that you don't always have to be positive to be recovery-focused. Recovery-focused doesn't equal positivity. It's often about sharing safely and leaving some room for hope; even if those hopes are little glimmers ✨

Today I feel like I have failed. @0ddsidian. I feel

like I have t tried hard enough. I called in sick to work for stupid reasons. I hadn’t showered and couldn’t get into one, I was exhausted and just didn’t want to go. I am beating myself up over it though. I did sleep in, had some lunch and worked on my puzzle. I have just finished it. My window of tolerance isn’t real big today.

Im sorry it was rough last night. I’m really discovering the overstimulation. I’m glad you were able to meet your needs though. I hope your window is a little wider today.

You are lurking!! 😜 I think I know the thread you are talking about. I was tagged into it. I get how they were feeling and was voicing everything that I want to and am trying. I actually ‘heard’ you in the back of my mind and some of the stuff I said had come from our chats! It’s a big thing for me to put myself out there so thank you for recognising. I was actually thinking today that I wish I could be compassionate to myself. I can do it with some other people if not myself. I find it hard to think of it as to much of a strength as some people I just don’t care about. It kinda has to be someone meaningful in my life for me to be compassionate. Well usually anyway.

Oh.. at least I tried! I do like the challenging me though. ‘Can be’ does feel more appropriate. I excelled in maths and science at school but did miserably in English! It shows. Maybe I should have tried harder! I really couldn’t be bothered though as I didn’t like it. Hhhhmmm ADHD

All the grouting kits I’ve bought have had the grout falling off them. It’s just kinda dusty stuff. I might look and see. I have a cart with spotlight that has extra moulds and stuff. Just need to get all my bills out of the way to complete the purchase! Im about to do a little more resin now and then I’ll be able to take them all out of the moulds on Sunday night and see how they turn out.

I like giving to others, it makes me smile. I’ve always been a giver but at times it’s the people pleaser in me. But I do like to see others smile for something I did for them.

Im lucky, I have olive skin but it does compare when I’m not in the sun but as soo as I see the sun I start to tan up. The more sun the darker quicker. I do have aboriginal blood too though so that helps. If I get into the sun enough there is no question of it! It’s pretty obvious.

I did go and read that post. It sounds really interesting. It’s hard with my work to be able to commit to a lot as the roster is really weird. There is no one day a week which is the same. Fortnightly is hard too. It’s kinda like I work that day two weeks in a row and then not for two weeks. It’s like that for everyday of the week. Makes psych appointments hard too!

It actually felt good!

The whole recovery-focused term screams positivity in its words. Steps always moving forward not backwards. I am working really hard to challenge that thought in my head though. That it is ok to be not ok. It’s just some days there is no feeling of forward steps.

My glimmer for today… hmmm maybe watching Jett rolling in the grass and enjoy himself.

Good things.. I got a car park up the street on a Friday afternoon.

I didn’t have to face work and have to be nice to people.

I slept in which I think I needed.

Anyway I probs won’t see you again tonight so I hope you have a wonderful and restful weekend. Hoping you can fit some mindfulness on there some where to help your window.

You know what, @Captain24 ? That fact that you said “I feel like I have failed” instead of “I have failed” is actually huge. Exhaustion can absolutely be a valid reason to take a sick day. I imagine it’s not super safe for you to do your job if you’re exhausted?

I reckon you’ve demonstrated compassion for yourself quite a few times recently. Very few people are consistently compassionate to themselves. It’s like anything; it takes time and practice. You’re doing it.

I wouldn’t have guessed that you did poorly in English, Cap! You are generally really articulate in your posts. I wasn’t great at maths.

I’ve got to stop myself from going WILD in Spotlight. I always end up walking out with more than I intended to purchase. 🙃

I’m imagining that you’re like a flower (like me); you bloom when you’re in the sun.

RecoveryClub is potentially really good for someone with a schedule like yours, Cap. It’s 100% self-guided, so you attend the groups when you can / want to. There isn’t a set number of groups you can / should attend. Some people attend multiple groups a day. Some attend one a week. Some attend a few groups a week for a month or so and they take a break for a bit, and then come back and attend again. There’s no right or wrong way to do the program.

I’m glad writing that post felt good (and I know things are pretty rough for you right now).

I do see how the idea of being “recovery-focused” can feel like you just have to be positive (or toxically positive). It can be about aiming forward. I can assure you that we don’t expect everything to always be positive. That’s unrealistic. Remember; share safely and leave some room for hope.

Thank you for sharing your good things and your glimmers. I didn’t even remind you or ask you to. Amazing! 😊

I know that you’re having a rough time at the moment (yep, I’m lurking). Sending you hope, compassion and gentleness ♥️

I didn’t even realise that I changed my words or should I say, the way I think! @0ddsidian That just happened naturally. Maybe I am making progress!

Exhaustion is really dangerous. They are big trucks to drive when feeling like that. We get tired on nightshift and have to focus at around 2am -4am. One guy in crew does trivia at 2:45 to help keep us going. It makes us think and engage on the two way.

I guess in some aspects I’ve shown myself just a little bit of compassion but I didn’t realise it. Maybe I need to take note of the little things. See what I really am doing for myself, make notes. Maybe I am making more progress than I thought? 🤷 I am doing my best to have a shower a day to try for some self care. That is taking a lot of effort.

Thanks for that. I get really paranoid that I’m not ‘speaking’ well as it hasn’t always been something that has come easily or that I’m confident with. People are either English or Maths and science ay. My guess is you were good at English! It’s pretty evident!

I love the flower analogy! I do feel that way. I just come to life in the sun. When I’m going through hard times it helps me feel a little grounded.

Maybe I could look into it. I just fail at commitment when I miss things. Because I would miss some sessions in a row I could possible feel like it’s harder to pick back up. Just so you know, I reframed that!

Im learning the share safely and doing my best at it. If I’m insure I’ll just tag a mod and let them approve or delete. I’m hoping by asking that it’ll mean I won’t get banned for trying.

Sometimes it’s hard to see hope. Right now though I’m am trying to find it. Yes things are rough and there is just so much going on. I’m really struggling with it all and just don’t think I can take anymore. I think it will break me. I’m not sure how to get through it but I guess I just will. I have to keep going and do my best to get to the other side. (Another reframe) The thing that is at the forefront of my mind is the fact that I nearly lost my beautiful, sweet darling little girl. Mum thought she wasnt going to make until the vet arrived. It was so close and she still isn’t out of the woods, I have to be really careful or she will end up at the vet again. Then the surgery is stressing me too. Then just the mess of my life in general.

You have been lurking! 😜 Just so you know I actually do appreciate your lurks!

I hope you had a restful and easier weekend than last weekend. Did you find sometime for some self care or mindfulness?

It’s been a while since I did the good things and wanted to give it a go to hopefully see some positive right now!

Im really sorry.. this has been a lot and thank you for listening. Sorry for the overshare but it feels a tiny bit less overwhelming

How good is it when you make those changes without even being conscious of it, @Captain24? It's practice and time. You're doing the thing!

Sounds like you might have made the right choice about taking a sick day. I like the idea of doing trivia to keep you guys awake.

Like you said a few days ago; "Apparently writing it connects with your brain more than typing. It’s the motion of writing". Also having a list of things to refer back to a remind you of the growth and positives can be super cool. Vast beaches are made up of countless small pieces of sand. Growth and healing are made up of many small moments 😊

I was decent at English but my attention span made it difficult at times. I liked subjects like psychology, biology, cooking and art. I like writing. I'm passionate about language and communication because it is really important when it comes to connection and accessibility for people. It contributes to stigma, including self-stigma and shame, which is part of the reason why I challenge people to "reframe" or re-word things.

Just consider it. It's absolutely all up to you. There are no negative consequences if you don't turn up to the groups. No one gets in trouble. Every group session is different, so you won't "miss" anything and there isn't anything to "pick back up". It's mostly opportunities to share and have discussions about different topics. There's some psychoeducation too. Lots of participants just participate in the chat (with their cameras and mics off) too. Also, the group guidelines are similar to the Forums community guidelines, so you're already pretty aware of those. Good reframing!

I heard about Pix. That's incredibly scary. I've been in that position before. It's interesting that you said "I think it will break me" but followed that up with "I’m not sure how to get through it but I guess I just will. I have to keep going and do my best to get to the other side." Did you know that that is pretty recovery-focused? The only think the only TINY tweak that could be made (and this isn't a criticism, I swear), is changing "I think it will break me" to something like "I feel like it will break me" or "I worry that it will break me", but what you wrote is still fine. You demonstrated some glimmers of hope ✨ I hope Pix is slowly healing ♥️

I was a bit sensitive and emotional this weekend, but I got to spend some time with my partner and watch TV. I'm going to spend some time this week doing more self-care. Some "outdoors" time I think!

My three good things today:
1. I put my wellbeing first and set a boundary with someone.
2. I was able to make the choice to avoid coffee today, and picked a tea.
3. My new bathers arrived early, and I wasn't expecting them for another 10 days!

You definitely didn't overshare, Cap ✌️

I have to say that I did feel good not knowing that I naturally changed the wording without it being a conscious effort. @0ddsidian. I am making an effort to change somethings like I’m attempting to take a lot of the ‘need to’ and ‘should’ out of my posts. It’s easier in posts as you have time to think about especially with the way I ‘talk’ In life it’s hard because I don’t even know what’s coming out of my mouth until it’s said and done! I have no control. I’m thinking I know where that comes from…

Trivia sometimes gets frustrating because it can be really random things that no one has any idea about. There are things that none of us have even heard about. I guess that’s what trivia is but sometimes the more relatable stuff is easier to focus on.

I think it would be really beneficial to go back through and make note of all the positives and the progression. Just to keep in mind how far I have come in the last couple of months. While yes I’m struggling it isn’t naturally turning into crisis mode. Yes the are times when I think of SH and SI but with no intention to consider them or act on them. More progress that is just happening.

I never did biology at school, I did physics. I never went to uni either. I didn’t get the marks, my depression hit hard in the senior years of school. I also struggled with attention span but I never know what was wrong with me and no one ever picked it up. They didn’t pick up my withdrawal, my lack of participation, my increased skipping classes… I was just being a moody teenager. It was different back then.

Psychology sounds interesting, I would like to learn a bit more but I now really struggle with learning. I never got into cooking or art. I am not artistic at all!!! I even tried art therapy at hospital and just couldn’t do it. I have no connection to it. Oh and I can’t cook! Packets are my go to.

I feel a lot of shame around my communication and and connection as I say and do the wrong things and can upset people easily. When I do I feel hurt that I have hurt them. It would be good if I can slowly introduce the way I’m learning to ‘speak’ on here into my life.

I will look into it. I have just registered for the sleep webinar but it’s the day after surgery so I’ll see how I’m feeling. It also gets me out of going to my support group!

Oh.. if I lose Pix it will break me and that I’m not sure I will get through. I will need to be on crisis watch! She is improving each day though. The rest though I have to get through as there is no other way and I deliberately wrote that with thought in mind. I did realise it was recovery focused though. I see the change. I don’t take any of it as criticism just a better way to look at things with a less negative connotation.

It’s hard when we feel sensitive, I feel like it males

me treat myself like I’m on eggshells. Not sure that makes sense? Outdoors self care is definitely needed. I think k outdoors is really important.

Good on you for setting a boundary! I’m really amazed that people can do that.

I don’t drink coffee but I do drink a lot of energy drinks. That is something that has to improve. (Don’t know how to reframe that)

So got your swimmers arrived early. Beach time?

The only good thing I’ve got is that I slept well today. That makes tonight’s shift easier to get through, mentally and physically

When I started making the changes to the language I used I started with written stuff first, @Captain24. It can be helpful to read out loud (or whisper) what you write as a next step. But no rush and no pressure! Impulsiveness (aka difficulty controlling what comes out of your mouth) could relate to heaps of stuff, but you have both ADHD and bipolar... so that tracks 😉

Do you have a journal, app, document where you could record the positives? I have a document where I put positive work things. I use the notes app on my phone for personal stuff. I love that you can see the difference in yourself, particularly around distinguishing between struggling and crisis mode. That's you challenging the black and white thinking, Cap!

No one picked up on my neurodivergence when I was younger either. My experience was a bit different to yours. I was a very smart kid and I got decent grades until my final years of high school. I didn't do well in exams and I got distracted a lot. I wasn't great at studying. That's when my ADHD couldn't mask itself anymore. Year 11 was also when my mental health began to deteriorate. But I got high enough marks in school to get into uni.

You know what's ironic? One of the things you learn about a lot in psychology is LEARNING 😂
Also, don't you like resin and mosaicking? Doesn't that count as art? I CAN cook. The barrier for me cooking is the clean-up afterwards haha

Do you have a safety plan for when you're in crisis? Not putting the vibes into the universe that you'll need it any time soon, but maybe it's worth reviewing it and updating it if you haven't done so recently? I'm so glad Pix is slowly improving ♥️ I also think the fact that you didn't take what I said as a criticism is progress too, Cap.

Feeling a bit less sensitive today. Went outside earlier, because it's not raining! We're having a "Virtual Picnic" tomorrow as well, which will be sweet.

I've never been into energy drinks, but I also don't work overnights haha I only drink them when I'm absolutely wrecked and need to be doing something. I don't know how to reframe that either haha Maybe drink the sugar-free ones? 🙃🤣

Yes, swimmers are ready for the beach. I'm going on a short holiday towards the end of the month (won't say where), and I only have one pair of swimmers so I bought more.

Hey, sleep is important. I'm sure you'll hear all about that during the webinar. Even if you watch the recording later on.

Also, lovely still seeing you jump into different threads!

I can try reading it out loud just not yet. I’m not comfortable with saying things out loud. I don’t self talk at loud just in my head. If I didn’t have my dogs I wouldn’t speak at all. @0ddsidian

Yeah both of those don’t help with the lack of thinking before I speak! It’s something that is not working out for me! As much as I want it to it’s a hard one to break the cycle as I have spoken before I think about the fact that I need to think first. 😂

Maybe I need to get a small journal and just have the positives written in it. That way they are available in written form and no ‘doom reading’ Thanks for the tip.

I was just talking to my psych and she asked about SI and SH and I said that they do float through and I have those thoughts but I’m 1000% safe. Her words… that’s progress cap! I actually thought of you. 😜 I never thought of it as a grey area. Maybe there are other things that are in the grey that I don’t realise. Worth attempting to take note. Another thanks for the prompt!

It’s similar, I always did really well like the top half of the top maths and science classes. Plus the other electives and stuff.. just not English! But then I gave up as I just couldn’t do it anymore and that’s where I ended up not getting the marks. Of it wasn’t for my MH I could have possibly got in the 80’s

That’s priceless… Learn to learn.

I guess it kinda does. But up until now it’s mostly been kits that tell you what to do and where to put stuff. Just recently I’ve been trying different resin colours and techniques. Like I’m talking the last 2 weeks! Hahaha

I hate the dishes afterwards and I don’t see the point in so many dishes for one person. Plus I don’t like it anyway. Maybe my health and ED might be better if I have it a go but motivation is hard, it’s something that I am unable to push myself into doing. At this stage anyway.

I do have a safety plan and this is how amazing my psych is, we update it frequently especially in my good periods so it’s current with what I feel is needed and ready to go. I’m suppose to look at it often so it’s imbedded in my brain for when I need it.

Im learning that there is constructive criticism which isn’t personal it’s to help move forward, in whatever aspect of my life. It’s not always that easy though. With you I didn’t even see it as criticism just as a way to help me see things in a better light. Reframe what I’m thinking and saying. That in itself is progress. You are making me see how much I have changed, what has improved and what still requires work, som of it a lot!

I can sleep straight after an energy drink, they don’t stimulate me at all. Not much does really. The cold and flu tablets that you have to hand your license over with don’t stimulate me either. I get jealous of those who bounce off the walls after taking them.

Im glad you are less sensitive. Im glad you got out. Has it been raining lots where you are? We’re suppose to get a shower of rain Friday and Saturday but are desperate for actual rain. It’s so dry out here and we have already had 2 bushfires and the season hasn’t started yet. The extremely windy days are causing extreme fire danger ratings. At least it’s not catastrophic yet but that will come.

Ok.. silly me.. but how does a virtual picnic work?

So jealous of a beach holiday! I get not saying where you are going. I had a few days away and said where I had been after the fact but I won’t say at all where we go for our regular holiday. New swimmers sound perfect to help feel good and make it even more enjoyable. I hope the weather is amazing for you like our holiday was.

Sleep is so important for MH but also when working shift work. Especially with bipolar! The right amount of sleep at the right time. We have had people come into training days to tell us how to do it but most of them have never worked a nightshift! Theory sounds good but it’s the practical that counts. I am looking forward to it though as I’m willing to take anything on board to adjust to what I already do. I do have a sleep hygiene that I follow mostly, I usually miss the showers though but I’m working on recreating that.

I found a funny one!

Read your Forums posts to the dogs, @Captain24? 😜 I kid, I kid. If it feels like too much for now, then I understand.

Emotions are a huge spectrum, yeah? So we can definitely have degrees of struggling. I'm sure you've done this before, but it can be helpful to know what your warning signs are (or early warning signs). This can be particularly useful to distinguish between when you're having a really rough time and when it's moving towards that crisis / unsafe area. Not asking you to share or even think about it right now, but it could be worth thinking about what makes something "crisis mode" for you (and yes, it's different for everyone 🙃). Potentially something to consider while thinking about your safety plan too.

Kits can definitely help you get started. It's so cool that you're branching out and testing the waters with some new techniques!

I'm with you there on the health and the ED. I sometimes think that too. I have to remind myself that being harsh on myself will actually have the opposite effect on my health and my ability to make change.

I'm glad you can see the change in yourself, Cap! Remember to be kind to yourself if you feel like you "take a step backwards" at some point. It doesn't mean you've failed. That positives / growth journal is sounding more and more appealing haha

The fact that you can sleep after an energy drink is such an ADHD thing haha

It's been pretty rainy, especially on my days off. But I'm grateful for the rain. Like you've said; some places are desperate for rain.

It's absolutely not silly asking what a "Virtual Picnic" is haha It's kind of just something that @tyme and I made up. Some of us are going to gather together in our own spaces (ideally outside) and meet online for a video picnic. It's an opportunity for people to connect.

Fingers-crossed for good weather for the holiday. I keep checking the weather app to see if it's heading in a warmer direction. I've been to this place before and it was like 36+ degrees each day I was there last time. It won't be that warm this time around, but I'm hoping it'll have some 30-degree days so I can swim without freezing!

I totally agree that you've got to find what practically works for you when it comes to sleep. I'm sure you'll get something out of the webinar. I'm usually okay with sleep hygiene, but I do tend to scroll on my phone in bed for a while before I go to sleep, which I know isn't the most helpful for my sleep 😴

You’re out and about early today! @0ddsidian

I read the post about the changes especially to the recovery group. I might look into it next year and start then. I’m guessing you have been busy! I like that there’s no changes to the forums. I feel relieved about that. The last time there was changes it changed a lot of things for us. At least this time the members have been thought of. I appreciate that.

Reading to my dogs is actually a really good place to start and I’m not actually joking 🙃 Pix actually listens when I talk and I just say random stuff to her. Sometimes I’ll add the word ‘bone’ in a random ramble and she picks it up and jumps around. So she really is actually listening. Jett is too much about himself to listen 😜 We’ll see if I can actually do it.

I have done the warning signs but it needs a lot more work. Maybe while I’m not in that headspace it could be something to revisit. Also to take note as it’s happening and add in there then.

I think while I’m spending the week recovery from my surgery, I might try and have a go at more crafty stuff and do it different ways. Try different techniques.

I have a dietitian that is pushing me. Every time I start to do something right she then pushes me further and it kinda derails me. It’s like nothing is good enough. Just appreciate that I am slowly making changes when I am. I said I was packing salads for work for lunch and she wanted extra things added in. I don’t think she understands that changing something up can ruin it for me. I eat the same things for weeks at a time but changing it doesn’t work. I think it’s an ASD thing or an ED thing.

I have actually written on my shopping list to get a journal. I want to try and see if there is something pretty that fits with the whole concept. Yes.. I have thought about it!

Being gentle isn't one of my strong points. But doing all this work now may help in the future. I’m actually feeling a little better after talking to my psych. She is even going to work on the 23rd of December because otherwise it’ll be about 6 weeks between appointments and she thinks that is way too long especially over the holiday season. I felt cared for.

Everyone at work asks how I can sleep when I’m having one as I’m leaving work especially after nightshift. I just laugh and said it’s easy! Totally ADHD!

It’s frustrating when it rains when you are off as you can’t do anything. There is times where we drive around at work and see the amazing days and then it rains in our days off! We have another bushfire!

That sounds like a good idea. Sitting outside in some for of nature and all chatting together and being able to see each other. I like it!

I did that before I went on holidays, checked the weather daily. I hope it’s warm enough to swim, mind you when we went in February there was a day that it was raining in like 18 degrees. I was the only one in the beach and in the water! But I wasn’t missing a day.